"What?"
"I told Gia she had to do it, she had to get you into the basement so you could see for yourself that Posy was gone. Actually, she went about it cleverly. I didn't think about the details, unscrewing the hinge, screwing it back on, all that. I expected to find her down there with you. She how bright she can be? If some of the girls sent to me would put their energy and ingenuity into worthwhile and good things..."
She shook her head and contemplated me again. "I knew you didn't believe me completely. I thought that this would be the best way for you to see for yourself and understand. You do now, don't you?"
"No, not really." I didn't know whom to feel sorrier for, myself or Gia,
Dr. Foreman looked impatient and annoyed for a moment, then softened.
"All right. I'll spell it all out for you. Gia was the one in the basement. I put her there as part of a therapy program I designed. She had cleverly invented this fictional character so as to avoid any hardship, any pain inflicted on her. As long as she had Posy, she could deny her own problems. They were Posy's problems. understand?
"Making Posy my daughter was her way of getting back at me."
"Why didn't you just send her away to a clinic or something?" I asked.
"She wasn't crazy. She was clever and still is I knew I would eventually help her if I kept trying and utilizing some of my own methods. They worked. She wrote that letter as a way of saying good-bye, which was also quite clever I thought."
"What is all that about Natani?"
"Natani." She shook her head. "He's delightful with his Indian ways, He has no idea how often he has helped me with my girls. That's why I keep him on. actually. He's a calming factor. Sort of a release valve. This place is a pressure cooker at times."
"But. Gia told me I'd find Posy down there so she still believes in her. She's still not cured. right?"
"Well, it doesn't matter that she still believes there was a Posy. The most important thing now is after you tell her and show her everything, she won't be using Posy ever again as a scapegoat. That's my first goal in treating her. Anything she does now, she knows is her awn fault. Unless, of course, she creates someone else. but I don't think she will. I think she's finally past all that and on her way."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Specifically, you will return to the barracks and you will tell her there was no one there, and you'll give her that letter. You'll tell her you read it. You know it was a letter to Posy's parents and you know she's gone for good. And you know Posy lied when she said she was my daughter.
"So," she continued, leaning aver to pat my knees. "you see, you really will have helped me. Unwittingly, perhaps, but nevertheless, you will have."
I shook my head. It was all still so confusing, so off-the-wall for me, the way she had used me and was still using me. If anything, it made me want to get out of here even more. I think she saw that in my face.
"For now, I don't want any of the other girls to know about any of this. It's our little secret, our problem to solve. I expect you to carry out this order. Phoebe." she said sternly. "You understand what I want?"
"Yes."
"You've made same nice strides these past few days, Phoebe. I can see you growing and changing and becoming someone who can be trusted with responsibilities. You're going to be fine, despite the unfortunate hand you've been dealt in your life."
She stared at me with that soft smile on her face again, the smile that deceives, that gives girls like me so much hope. I remember seeing a mean boy tormenting a stray dog once in Atlanta. He spoke to it softly, kindly, and the dog wagged its tail and filled its heart with trust as it drew closer, and when it was close enough, the boy swung the stick he had behind his back and struck the animal so hard, it lost its balance, scraping its paws over the road to get its bearing and get away, but it wasn't fast enough to avoid a second cruel blow. It managed to run off then, the boy's evil cackle following it like some flame of hate and rage. The boy turned and looked at me. He had a face full of anger, but also satisfaction. He had hurt something and taken revenge on a world that rained pain on him. I thought.
And then I thought what great pain was showered down on Dr. Foreman to make her the way she was?
If she knew I even thought such a thing, she would lose that smile so quickly, my head would spin.
"Okay, Phoebe, Go on back to the barracks. Take the letter and do as I said."
I rose and walked out of her office, down the dark hallway and out the front door. The grounds that had been dreamy with a ceiling filled with stars now just looked dark. I felt as if I were walking through a tunnel at the end of which was only a deep hole.
When I reached the barn. I paused and looked back. I thought I could make out a tall, darker shadow on the steps of the hacienda.
Doesn't sh
e sleep? I wondered, and entered the barn.
Gia was in her cot and looked to be asleep. Everyone else was.
I approached her quietly and knelt at her side, poking her gently. Her eyes opened and she looked at me, but she didn't sit up. "I'm sorry," she said. "I had to do it that way."