"No. Your father is going to try to be a responsible adult again. Not that I ever was, according to your grandmother," he added. "There's no one to look after you here anyway. Jordan. Great- aunt Frances needs care herself."
"What happened to her?" I asked.
"Something upset her and she took a few too many sleeping pills, but fortunately, thanks to you, she'll be all right. Later, you can tell me what upset her." He smiled. "You do know what upset her, don't you. Jordan?"
I wanted to shake my head. I bit down on my lower lip. Felix wasn't there. Nancy was standing and looking down at me. Lester Marshall was doing something else with someone outside. Alanis wasn't in the room to help me make up a story. There was too much noise and too many people around me to try Ian's telepathy and speak with my mother.
I struggled with my thoughts, turning this way and that in my brain, looking hard for one of Alanis's convenient exits. Everyone has to lie, she'd told me. You'll find out. You'll have to be, too.
Can you swallow down the truth? I wondered. And if you do, will it keep coming up like a burp?
Until you can't stand it anymore and you have to get it out, just as Mrs. DeMarco had.
Daddy sat there in his wheelchair, already having spent months and months feeling terrible about himself, wishing he'd been dead, maybe looking to hide, hating everyone and everything, willing to give me up and disappear.
He looked like he was coming back, going home, just like me. Should I tell the truth?
Grandmother Emma once told me people who lie are afraid and weak. Was that what I was? Afraid and weak? Or was Alanis right? Sometimes, you do it not to hurt someone you love.
No matter what. I couldn't help but love my father.
I shook nay head.
"No, Daddy," I said. "I don't know why she was upset."
17 No Secrets. No Lies
. Before we left. I did eat some hot oatmeal Nancy prepared. With the way she was flitting about the kitchen. I felt as if I'd already been back at the mansion. Afterward. I went upstairs to see if there was anything being left in my room that I wanted. I found the doll Great-aunt Frances had given me the first night and decided I would take it with me. I wondered if Grandmother Emma would remember it if I showed it to her.
"Won't I see Great-aunt Frances anymore?" I asked my father when I was ready to go.
"Oh, sure," he said. "Well either come here or she'll be brought to see us."
"She should be," I said. "She says she has never been at the mansion."
"Yes," Daddy said. "As far as I know, that's true."
Felix wheeled him out and Lester Marshall helped let him off the porch, because there was no ramp like we had at the mansion. I waited and watched while they transferred him into the backseat of the limousine and then folded and put his wheelchair into the trunk. Then I went around to get in when Felix opened the door for me. Before I did. I looked toward Lester Marshall's house.
"Who's going to feed Miss Puss?" I asked.
"I'll take care of her. Don't worry," Lester Marshall said.
"Can't I say good-bye to my friend?" I asked my father.
"Sure," he said. "Why not?"
I looked at Lester Marshall. He was not pleased about it.
"She's not coming out," he said. "And your daddy's got to get started."
"It's all right." my father told him. "I'm fine. Let her go say good-bye, Lester. I have a few things to discuss about the property with you while we wait."
Lester shook his head and then approached the limousine. I ran toward his house. Bones, as usual, had planted himself safely between the main house and Lester Marshall's. I saw that Miss Puss was lying near a basement window watching him. She was more of a guard dog than he was. Bones lifted his head and watched me hurry to the front steps. I knocked on the door.
"Alanis, it's me. I have to leave."
She must have been standing right there, because almost before I finished my sentence, she pulled the door open.