“He passed out while he was having sex with you?”
“Yes,” I said. “He was embarrassed and apologetic, but by then, it was too late. I had to get him out of the house before my mother came home so she wouldn’t see how wasted he was. Then things just happened, and his family had to move away.”
“So you never got another chance to be with him before he left?”
“No, but I won’t deny that I was ready to do it then and if another chance had come up,” I said.
Was she buying it all? It was partly true. Was she going to be upset now?
She surprised me by smiling. “Who’d ever think I was more experienced than you?” she said. She looked very pleased with herself. “However,” she added, afraid I might be the one upset now, “I didn’t have an orgasm. Can you really call it having sex if you don’t have an orgasm?”
“I don’t think I would,” I said, happy with that definition. It helped me more than it could ever help her, but she had no idea why. “Why didn’t you?”
“What do they call it? Premature ejaculation? I didn’t have time. He was too quick. Of course, he never mentioned that when he bragged to other boys at school, and it got to the girls, too.”
I smiled. “I bet he couldn’t look you in the face afterward, not for too long, anyway.”
“Oh, no, but none of the girls really cared to ask me about it. They were happier talking about me behind my back and would not have believed me no matter what I said.”
“I hope your next experience is positive,” I said. “It helps if you really like the guy.”
“Really liking the guy was not that important to the girls I knew, so I didn’t think about it. For some, even just liking him was okay. They acted like it’s simply something else you do for fun. You think Marcy is like that?”
I smiled to myself. She was comfortable enough with me to expect me to talk about Marcy behind her back.
“No,” I said. “I think Marcy likes to talk, but I wouldn’t buy into everything she says.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“She’s sweet, though, don’t you think?”
She nodded.
I felt hypocritical saying it, but I thought I had to. “Thanks for trusting me with your experience, Claudia.”
She nodded. I wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or satisfied with what I had given her in return. “There is a boy who’s been paying attention to me here,” she added, almost like a bonus.
“Who?”
“Ben Kaplan.”
“Oh, yes. He’s very cute.”
“He was the one who talked to me in the lunch line the first day. I guess I can thank Marcy for that. He’s been talking to me between classes and walked me back to the dorm once.”
“You sneak. I never even noticed you paying attention to him.”
She smiled. “He noticed,” she said, and then rose to go out and get ready for bed.
How surprised Marcy would be, I thought, if Claudia went on a date with Ben Kaplan and ended up double-dating with her and Rob Brian instead of me.
Later, instead of just turning off her light and turning on her side with her back to me to go to sleep as usual, Claudia first said, “Good night.”
“Good night,” I responded, and turned off my light. I didn’t fall asleep for a while. I lay there instead and looked up at the ceiling. Dim light from the outside lamps still pierced our curtains and created what looked like a ganglion of twisted shadows on the walls. I could hear Mrs. Rosewell telling some of the girls they should be going to sleep as she patrolled the hallway. I heard the imitation quacks that followed her and smiled.
There was no question that I was happy to be here and avoid what would have been unmanageable challenges at my old school, challenges perhaps even more difficult because I was living with Mother. Most of the time when I was home, I would feel like I was walking on thin glass. Every time she looked at me, I knew in my heart she was looking for Haylee as well. Maybe the day would come when she would finally ask me questions about my abduction, but did I want that day to come? Did I want to relive it, even to win her full sympathy?
No, it was better to be here, where I could grow stronger and comfortable with myself. Talking to Claudia and listening to her intimate revelations renewed my hope. I could return to a full and normal life with relationships and maybe even enjoy the youth that was nearly stolen completely from me. Yes, I had to be careful. I had to continue to lie about my past and my family, but for now, at least, I was okay with it.