It was something I felt my father obviously wanted for me, too. When we got home, he did some work, and I went to my room to rest and change into something I thought was more appropriate to wear to dinner with him. I wasn’t sure I would ever wear the sexy dress again. It would bring back the memory of what I had just experienced or, perhaps more accurately, what I had just done.
I chose a simple black dress and wore only lipstick. I saw that he was pleased. It was as if I had put away my anger, locked it in some drawer to forget it. On our way to Philly, he began to talk about some of his business ventures. It was almost like old times before he had divorced Mother, back when we were something of a happy little family.
He was behaving as if he had gotten a weight off his back, too. I hadn’t seen him so up since I had returned from the hospital.
Once we were in the restaurant and had ordered our food, my father sat back, looking thoughtful again. I thought perhaps he had received darker news about Mother than he had anticipated and she wasn’t coming home after all, but as it turned out, he had other things on his mind
.
“The thing about unexpected events that can impact your life is just that, they’re unexpected,” he began. I imagined he was going to start talking again about how what Haylee had done had taken him by such surprise, but he surprised me by smiling. “Sometimes those can be good things.”
The waiter brought his drink and my Arnold Palmer. I was happy that I wasn’t on any medications anymore, but it wasn’t so I could sneak some of my father’s alcohol to drink like Haylee and I occasionally used to do. He sipped his drink and leaned forward, as if we had to be sure no one could overhear our conversation. What great secret was he about to tell me?
“I’ve met someone new,” he said. “I’ve held back telling you until I was more confident in your recuperation.”
“Someone new?”
“Actually, she’s been working for us in accounting. We hit it off immediately. Her name is Dana Cartwell. She’s not a divorcée,” he quickly added, as if he thought I believed that was the only sort of woman he could date. “She was engaged once but, as she says, woke up before it was too late. She has a great sense of humor. I think you’re going to like her.”
“If you do, I’m sure I will, Daddy,” I said.
He smiled, took another sip of his drink, and sat back.
I imagined he was holding his breath the whole time. It struck me how much of an emotional minefield we were all living in now. I was sure he was afraid I would think he was deserting me just when I needed him the most. How could he spend his emotions on anyone new, especially at this critical time? Most children of divorced couples resented it when one or both of their parents started new relationships. After all, how much love was there to go around? This was especially true for me under these terrible circumstances.
However, deep in my heart, I knew things couldn’t last the way they were. Mother was going to come home; he would leave to live in his own apartment again. He would be more active in his work, and as soon as the prep school was all set up for me, I would leave as well. At this moment, of course, I didn’t know what condition Mother would be in and how she could get along with everyone out of the house.
“Nothing will change between us,” he promised. “I’ll pay so much attention to you that you’ll have me reported for stalking.”
I laughed. It suddenly occurred to me that I really hadn’t done much laughing lately. I also wished now that I had something stronger than an Arnold Palmer to drink and might ask to sneak a little of his vodka and tonic.
“Does Dana know all about us?”
I realized that knowing all about us took in quite a lot. How could anyone digest it and still want to be with him?
“Pretty much,” he said. “You can’t work for our company and not know the horror we’ve endured. She wasn’t nosy or anything like that. I just felt comfortable talking to her about it. That’s how you know you’re with someone special, when you don’t feel you have to disguise things or tell half-truths.”
Our food began arriving.
“And all that didn’t scare her away?”
“Not yet,” he said. There was a lot more he had to tell her, obviously. “She’s a pretty centered woman—and pretty, too, on the inside as well as the outside.”
I forced a smile.
How do you tell your father that you’re happy he’s found someone to love other than your mother? No matter how open-minded and mature you think you are, it’s still a strange feeling when you do congratulate him. You can’t help thinking you’re betraying your mother, and you hate the idea of another female taking your father’s attention and devotion from you, but if you love him, you also can’t help but be happy he’s found some happiness, too.
“I look forward to meeting her, Daddy,” I said.
“And she feels the same about meeting you. You’ll like her, I’m sure. So let’s eat,” he said, and began dishing out the food we had ordered.
A couple of hours later, we were on our way home, both of us quiet now, settling into our own thoughts.
Later, in my room, I couldn’t help it.
I sat in front of my mirror and tried to be catatonic. I was close to what I saw Haylee do but not perfectly the same.
It was real, I thought. She wasn’t putting on any act.