One insane moment after another was sure to occur. Could I imagine bringing a friend home, even if she let me, especially a boyfriend? After ten minutes with her, whoever I’d brought would find an excuse not just to leave but to flee. Eventually, I’d feel like I was the one who had been kidnapped. Maybe I’d think I would have been better off and become jealous of Kaylee again.
Daddy had said that he would move out, so I’d have no ally, no one to support me and tell Mother to loosen her grip on me. Everyone would tiptoe around her and not dare say, “Don’t let Haylee suffer any more than she’s already suffering.” Remembering how Mother had reacted to such suggestions, even when they involved something small that I wanted or something I could do and Kaylee didn’t want or couldn’t do, I was confident she would get very upset with whoever had said anything like that. He or she, including Daddy, would find himself what Kaylee used to call persona non grata. She was always showing off how much more she knew than me.
Mother would have no one, and I’d have no one. The house would be full of echoes. My phone would stop ringing. I wouldn’t get another party invitation. It would be like our house was covered in one of those tents they use when they have to kill termites, only in my case, we’d be killing contact with any normal person. That was the future that Daddy was suggesting without even realizing it.
I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Have a good time?” Daddy asked when we got home. He sounded unsure. I hadn’t said a word to him most of the way. “The food was very good, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, it was all great. Thank you, Daddy.”
“I had a good time, too. I forget sometimes how great it is to be with my young ladies,” he said.
What young ladies? I thought. You were only with me. Maybe he was catching Mother’s insanity. Soon he was going to be the one who needed a psychiatric nurse.
When we entered the house, we found Mrs. Lofter waiting. Apparently, Daddy and she had already made the plans he had described to me. She had a small suitcase beside her.
“Everything all right?” Daddy asked quickly. I didn’t think he had expected her to be waiting like a relay runner, anxious to get going.
“Yes. She’s asleep. There were a few phone calls that went to your answering service. I didn’t pick up any. I was sure the police had your cell number.”
“Yes, of course. Thank you, Mrs. Lofter,” Daddy said.
She looked at me. “You look very beautiful, Haylee,” she said. She said it kindly, but I didn’t want to soak up a compliment the way I ordinarily did. Kaylee used to say I resembled a ravenous newly born baby bird being eagerly fed by its mother. I was gluttonous when it came to compliments. She’d made it sound sinful, but I’d smiled and said, “Pile them on. There’s never enough.”
Now I quickly put on my guilty face for Mrs. Lofter.
“I can’t feel beautiful without my sister beside me, as dressed up as I am. It’s the way we always are.”
“Of course,” she said. “I understand it’s very difficult for you and your father, too. You have to keep strong.” This time, she did sound suspicious and critical. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” she told Daddy. “Have a good night.” She flashed a smile my way and left.
“We lucked out getting her,” Daddy said. “I’m going up to check on your mother and prepare for bed soon myself.”
“Let me know if you need me, Daddy. I’m not tired yet. I might do some of the homework that was sent to me over the Internet.”
“Sure thing,” he said. “That’s a good idea, too. You have to get back to school soon, Haylee. It won’t be easy, but you have to find the strength.”
“I’ll get my strength from you, Daddy,” I said. I said it so sincerely that I believed it myself.
He smiled, kissed me on the cheek, said good night, and went up ahead of me.
I checked the phone messages. My suspicion about them was right. There were two calls from Mother’s friends, but the rest were all my and Kaylee’s friends. I decided not to call anyone tonight. I had no intention of doing any homework, either. The things Daddy had told me were gnawing at me and putting me in a bad mood.
After getting a drink of water, I followed Daddy upstairs. Just as I was turning toward my bedroom, I heard his voice, and then I heard Mother’s. Curious, I went to their bedroom door to eavesdrop.
“Are the girls asleep?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he told her.
“I had a bad dream. We lost one, and when that happened, the other died of unhappiness. She just withered like a rose.”
“It was just a dream,” he said. “Don’t worry.”
Don’t worry? What would happen if he told her the truth, forced her to face it? Wasn’t that the shock treatment he had said she needed? I was torn about it. I convinced myself now that I was much better off with a mother who was lost in a fog. At least then I could do whatever I wanted, even when I did return to school. If she asked me about anything I was planning, I could say, “Oh, Kaylee wants to do it, too” or “Kaylee wants to wear this, too.”
Ironically, more than ever, I could make Kaylee do what I wanted. The thought brought a smile to my face. My gloomy mood dissipated like drifting smoke, and I was suddenly full of new energy.
Maybe I’d give Ryan a call. A little love talk before I went to sleep would be perfect, just the way to drive off any troubled thoughts that threatened to ruin my plans for the future. He answered on the first ring. Wherever he was, he had his cell phone right next to him, probably hoping I would call.