“And you want your sister to sit there while we sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to only you?”
“She could sing, too, and the next year I’d sing to her,” I said.
I was only ten, but I thought it was a brilliant suggestion. Daddy was smiling, but his eyes were full of back off quickly warnings. Kaylee glanced at me and looked down quickly. I thought she was afraid Mother would see how much she wanted that, too.
“Ridiculous and dumb,” Mother had said. “I won’t hear any such thing uttered in this house. By either of you,” she’d added, glaring as hard at Kaylee, who quickly nodded.
How could we be the same kind of person? I thought. My sister had no courage. Maybe now we would discover that she wasn’t real. She was a shadow of me, empty and easily erased with the flick of a light switch.
I put my head against Daddy’s chest as we started up the stairs.
“I feel so sick to my stomach, Daddy,” I said. “I should have stopped her from going to meet him. This is all my fault.”
“From what you’ve told us, Haylee, she probably would have found some other way to meet this man. At least you knew this much and were able to help. Otherwise, anything could have been possible, and we’d be wasting so much time and energy trying to figure out what really happened. A teenage girl who runs off on her own could be almost anywhere in the country by now. At least that’s been eliminated.”
“It doesn’t make me feel any better,” I said as we reached the hallway.
“Well, you try to get some sleep. I’m going to need you tomorrow and maybe longer to help me with your mother,” he said, and kissed my forehead.
Instinctively, I looked to my right, as if Kaylee was standing there, too, and I was anticipating him kissing her on her forehead. When would I stop doing that? The sooner, the better, I thought. Mostly, I was afraid I would see her even though she wasn’t there. We were that imprinted on each other’s mind. Who knew? Maybe I really would have to go see a psychiatrist.
Daddy went into Kaylee’s room to sleep so he would be close by, and I went into mine. I didn’t even take off my clothes or wash my face or brush my teeth. I fell facedown on the bed and hugged one of my oversized pillows. Contrary to what I had told Daddy, I fell asleep as quickly and as easily as a newborn baby, which was what I thought I was.
Mother’s scream woke me in the morning. It was so piercing and sharp that it cut right through my closed door and the bedroom walls. I sat up quickly to listen. Had the police come? Was Kaylee found dead? I heard Daddy speaking softly but couldn’t make out any words. Rising slowly, I rubbed my cheeks to wake up my face and opened the door quietly to peer out at them. Mother was standing in the hallway outside Kaylee’s room.
Apparently, she had gotten up before either Daddy or me and was shocked to see him sleeping in Kaylee’s bed. Maybe she had woken thinking it had all simply been a nightmare.
Her hands were clenched, and her shoulders were hoisted as if she had just had a trickle of ice slide down her spine. Every muscle in her neck and face looked stretched and strained. Daddy was standing in front of her, trying to calm her. She looked like she was staring through him and deaf to anything he said.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
Mother turned toward me. “Is your sister in there with you?” she asked.
“No, Mother.”
“Let’s just try to keep our heads about this,” Daddy said, holding his palms up as if he wanted to keep her from charging at him. “We’ll go downstairs, have some coffee and something to eat, and I’ll call the police to get an update, okay?”
“Where is she?” Mother asked me, ignoring him.
I shook my head and bit down on my lower lip until it hurt and sent pins through my jaw and cheeks, which, as I knew it would, brought tears to my eyes. It was like turning on a faucet. I flicked them away as they started to streak down my face.
“Where is she?” Mother repeated, raising her voice. “Where is your sister? Tell us!” she screamed. Her eyes were wide open, her lips twisted and uglier than I’d ever seen them.
I shook my head and looked to Daddy for help. He stepped forward to take Mother’s hand, but the moment he touched her, she jerked away.
“This is your fault,” she told him.
“My fault? How is it my fault?”
She didn’t reply. She backed up a few steps and shook her head so hard and continuously that it looked like she had some sort of palsy.
“Let’s just stay as calm as we can,” Daddy cajoled. “We won’t be any good to Kaylee if we’re not.”
Mother started to turn away. Her whole body began to tremble as if her bones were rattling. She reached for the wall to steady herself but didn’t get her hand against it in time to prevent herself from falling. Daddy leaped forward and managed to grab her at the waist before her body slammed to the floor. Then he lifted her in his arms and carried her back to the master bedroom. Her head was slumped. She had passed out. Or maybe she had died!
“Is she all right?”
“She’s all right, but we’d better call Dr. Bloom,” he told me as he walked by. “I’ll get her comfortably in bed.”