The first day he kept himself busy with all the arrangements for the excursions the passengers would make and the docking of the ship. The Spenser sisters and their parents invited me to go to dinner with them in Montego Bay, but I didn't want to leave Daddy this first night without Momma, even though he insisted I go. Mrs. Spenser had asked him for permission to take me, so he knew about it. We didn't get a chance to really talk until late in the afternoon. I joined him in the captain's office, and after he and the captain had completed their discussions and the captain left, we remained.
"You should go to dinner with your girlfriends, Leigh. I want you to enjoy yourself here."
"But Daddy, I thought we would go to dinner together." "I have to stay on board and do some other things," he replied. "I intend to just grab a quick bite."
"I'll grab one with you and help you do whatever you have to do," I insisted.
"No, that's not right," Daddy said. He shook his head. He looked so tired, so worn down by the day's events. Shadows deep and dark settled in his eyes. The walls of my heart quivered. I held the tears within and swallowed, and then I tried to find a voice that wouldn't tremble and sound like a little girl's voice.
"Why did Momma have to leave us like that, Daddy? Couldn't you have gotten the ship's doctor to talk to her?"
He shook his head.
"It wasn't just her bout with seasickness, Leigh. She wasn't very happy about this cruise from the start."
"But why, Daddy? She always talked about it, didn't she? She wanted to come to Jamaica. So many of her friends had been here," I insisted. "Didn't she once pin up that magazine ad in your office, the one that said 'Come to Jamaica--it's no place like home'?"
Daddy nodded, remembering. Then he sighed.
"If she could have been a passenger instead of the owner's wife, she would have been happier about it," he said sadly.
"But why, Daddy? She didn't really have to work and we have the best ship's quarters anyone can have. You did everything she wanted you to do."
"I'm afraid not, Leigh. Your mother continues to be disappointed in me."
"But why?" I cried. "You give us everything. We have a beautiful home and we can buy almost anything we want. All my friends are envious."
"Sometimes, those things are just not enough," he said. He looked at me for a long moment and then he warmed me with a smile. "Sometimes, especially when you are frustrated, you look so much like her, and yet, you are so different."
"We are?" I was surprised to hear him say that. He was always saying we were like sisters now, especially in front of Momma. Was it because I hadn't yet grown to like all the things she liked as much as she liked them?
"How are we different, Daddy? I know she's so pretty and . . ."
"Oh no," he said quickly, "it has nothing to do with that. You're going to be far more beautiful than your mother." It shocked me to hear him say that so sincerely. Me? More beautiful than Momma?
"And you won't have to work at it as hard or as long. Not t
hat your mother isn't blessed with natural beauty. Far from it. She's just more involved in herself than you will be."
"How can you be so sure, Daddy?" I really wanted to know because although I believed he was right, I wasn't sure myself.
"You've got other interests, Leigh. You have an inquisitive mind. You'll be too impatient to learn about other things. Not that you're anything near the tomboy your mother thinks I'm turning you into. No sir. You're every bit a young lady."
Even though our subject was an unhappy one these words from him went straight to my heart and filled it with warmth and love.
He sat back in the captain's oxblood leather chair.
"Your mother is still a very young woman, Leigh. Years ago, when I first set eyes on her in Texas, I didn't seriously consider the differences in our age or think it would be a problem. Perhaps that was the blindness of love.
"Love can be like that, you know, like a blast of sunlight reflecting off the water. You can't look directly into it; you've got to shade your eyes or close them altogether, and when you do that, you see only what you want to see. Do you understand? Are you old enough to understand what I'm saying, Leigh?" he asked.
I nodded. Daddy and I rarely had these sort of serious, adult talks. If ever he would begin to tell me something very serious, he would stop and say, "Oh well, I suppose your mother will tell you about that soon."
"Maybe you do understand," he said smiling. "I think you're a lot brighter than your mother or I think."
"But Daddy, what does all of that have to do with what's happening now?"
"Well, as I said, your mother was still quite young. She matured quickly, of course, but I was already quite settled in my ways. When a man is settled in his ways, it's difficult, if not impossible, for him to change. As your mother grew older, she wanted me to make some changes, be a different person in many ways. I tried, but it's not in my nature, I'm afraid, and that has made your mother very unhappy."