Almost immediately, it threw me back to my time with her brother. He had told girls at school that he knew me well and he could get me to party with them. He used me to attract a girl he liked to him, and then. when I resisted, he went on and on just the way Betsy was.
"We could double-date," she said. "I have a girl-friend who would like to go out with you sometime...Well? Don't just sit there looking at me like that. You should be grateful, not dumbfounded."
"I can find my own friends."
"Yeah. right. Where will you look for them? In the forest? In the garden? The shed?"
"Do you want me to explain this Or don't you?" I asked her sharply.
She shrugged. "Yeah. I suppose. I don't want to flunk out of anything the first week. Daddy would be very annoyed. And Roy would be very disappointed." She laughed.
I started to go through it. I couldn't help taking on Mama's teacher personality. It seemed to come naturally, but I could see Betsy's eyes moving over my face as I began to explain it as simply as I could. It was soon clear that she wasn't really listening or even slightly interested.
"Don't you shave yet?" she suddenly asked me. It sent a surge of electricity through my heart and down my spine.
"Yes," I said. "If you don't want to listen to me, why did you come in here and bother me?"' I shot back at her.
"Relax. I was just curious. You're probably lucky you don't have a heavy beard or something."
She sat back, her hands on the bed, her body arched. How wonderfully free of inhibition she was, free of any self-consciousness about her body. When she looked at me, could she see the envy in my eyes?
"Roy likes to keep a two-day beard. He thinks ifs cool or something. I guess it is sexy. I just don't like him rubbing his cheeks against mine. It burns. See," she said, nodding at me. "girls are going to like you. You want me to talk to Fredda Sacks about a date? She'd like you, and believe me" -- Betsy smiled coyly-- "you'll have a good time."
"No," I said quickly and firmly.
She shrugged. "Okay, could you do me a big favor, then? Just finish those problems for me. I've got to get ready to go out. I'm meeting Roy at the mall. You could come if you want."
If I do these problems, it won't help you. You won't learn anything." learn it later. Thanks. Just leave it in my room when you're done."
She hopped off the bed and started out. "Once you have sex, you won't be so interested in your plants and things." She laughed. When she closed the door behind her, it was as if she had taken all the air out of the room with her.
Mainly to keep my mind off what she had said and done. I completed the math problems for her. She was already gone by the time I was finished. but I still knocked on her closed bedroom door before entering.
I hadn't seen her room since her father and I had moved her things into the house.
She had left all the lights on. The bed was unmade and clothes were tossed even-where: over chairs, over the bedpost, and merely left in a pile on the floor by the closet as if the closet door were jammed. Her vanity table was just as much a mess, with open jars of cream, uncapped tubes of lotions, brushes, and hair clips scattered over it. What looked like a wet bath towel was draped over the back of the chair, and a stained washcloth was on the floor beside the chair. At the foot of her bed were three pairs of shoes, two lying on their sides, probably kicked off.
To get rid of what Betsy called a putrid odor, she must have poured a bottle of cologne over the rug. It was so redolent that I couldn't imagine how she slept here. The window was shut and the shades drawn.
I looked about for a place to put the math book and the work sheet and decided to make a place for it on the vanity table. As I pushed things aside, covered some of the opened jars. I saw a container with dozens of tablets. Under each tablet was the name of each day of the week. I picked it up and saw from the label that they were birth control pills. I don't know why, but just holding the package frightened me and my fingers trembled so badly. I lost my grip. The container fell to the desk and the pills jumped out of their slots and flew off the desk, rolling every which way.
Panic dropped a sheet of cold ice down my back. For a moment my feet were embedded in the carpet. I couldn't move. My heart thumped with utter dread. I felt smothered. As quickly as I could. I started to gather up the pills. Some had bounced and rolled as far as under the bed. When I gathered up all I could see. I put them all back in the empty places, but there were seven places yet to fill. or. I wondered, were they empty to start? What day did the pills begin? I couldn't remember from my initial look.
I went back to my knees and searched the carpet even more carefully, inches at a time. When I found another pill, my turmoil intensified. If I had missed this one. I could easily have missed another and another. How important was it to finish all the pills and take them in the right order? What if I messed it up so badly she became pregnant? Was that possible? How I wished I knew more about this sort of thing.
With the tip of my nose practically brushing the carpet. I went back and forth as methodically as I could to be sure I didn't miss a spot. I knelt down and shoved my arm as far as I could under her bed and began to sweep my hand back toward me. Again, to my shock, another pill appeared. I hurried to put it in an empty space, then went down on my knees again.
"What are you doing?" I heard Mama ask, and looked at the doorway.
She was standing there with Baby Celeste, who somehow thought the sight of me on my knees was funny. I had left the door open, having no reason to close it. After all. I was just entering Betsy's bedroom to put the schoolwork somewhere. I was just going in and out.
"Well? Answer me, Noble."
I stood up and looked toward the vanity table. "I.. helped her with her math and brought the book back."
"So why were you on your knees? What are you looking for. Noble?" I started to shake my head and she stepped into to the room.
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