"I wondered why you weren't seeing or hearing him for so long. When I asked him, he told me not to worry about it, but this explains it. You had darkness in your heart. You had doubt. Without the faith you cannot cross over. Noble. You cannot be with our aood family spirits.
"It's my mistake," she said. "I have been concentrating on all this so hard, I missed the signals."
"Mama..."
"Go upstairs. It will be all right." Then she smiled again, but warmer. "Think. If this .wasn't right, would Baby Celeste have been so charming, so delightful and loving toward Dave?"
"That's because he's her --"
"What?" she cried, again nearly leaping at me, her eyes stretched so wide. I thought they would tear at the corners. "What?"
I shook my head and looked down,
"Go upstairs. Now!" She stood up and hovered over me.
Tears streaked down my cheeks. but I didn't realize it until they began to drip from my chin. I tried to swallow, but my throat felt as if the sides of it had turned to rock. The strapping around my bosom tightened.
"I can't... breathe. Mama."
I tried to stand, but as soon as I did. the room began to spin. I reached out to steady myself, but nothing was there to take hold of. Mama didn't grab me either. She let me fall back. I thought I was falling through the chair. through the floor, through the very foundation, falling into that grave that haunted me so. The last thing I remember was her glaring at me hatefully.
Then I blacked out.
When I woke. I was in my bed. How had she gotten me up the stairs? I wouldn't have been surprised to hear her tell me my daddy had brought me to my room. I was still dressed but the blanket had been tucked in the sides of the bed so firmly, it was like a straitjacket. I struggled with it. The effort made me nauseous and I had to stop and lie back awhile. A black candle burned in the window, throwing a wavering glow over the walls and the shut door. Shadows wriggled like worms on the driveway, stuck and desperate to move on. There was nothing to do about my situation at the moment, nothing to do but sleep.
The darkness flooded over me again. I slept so deeply that I was beyond the reach of dreams. It was the sleep of the dead with only the muffled sound of footsteps on the surface of graves.
Hours and hours later, the morning light confused me, and for a minute or so. I just lay there gazing at the blue sky and the clouds I could see through the window. I looked down and saw the chamber pot Mama had given me for Baby Celeste and me in the turret room. The sight of it put the panic back into me. I tried to bolt upright and struggled to throw the blanket off me. I was still dressed in what I had worn the night before. I turned to look at my clock and saw it was
gone.
I rose and went to the window. From the way the sunlight washed over the forest and grounds. I concluded it was late in the morning. I hurried to go out. It didn't surprise me to find my door locked. I rattled it and called for Mama. Then I listened hard. The house was too silent. I rushed back to the window and opened it so I could see where our car was always parked. It was gone.
I stepped back from the window and recalled everything that had happened, all that I had said to her and she to me. Mama was purging me again. I saw she had left me water, but nothing else. Where had she gone? How long would she keep me in here? What ceremony would she put me through now, what herbal panacea?
There was nothing for me to do but wait. I didn't want to drink the water. I didn't trust anything, but I was too thirsty and eventually relented. I had to use the chamber pot as well. I had no idea of how many hours went by, but the sun's movement and the shadows below told it was considerable. Finally. I heard our car approaching the house and rushed to the window to see Mama driving with Baby Celeste in a car seat beside her. I waited until she had entered the house. then I called and pounded on the door.
She didn't come up immediately. She remained below doing whatever it was she was doing. Finally, I heard her ascending the stairway with Baby Celeste, talking to her softly.
"Mama!" I screamed. "Please, let me out now. I promise I'll be good,"
She paused then she went on to Baby Celeste's room. I listened_ and when I heard her footsteps again. I knocked on the door.
"Stop making all that noise. The baby's taking a nap," she said. "I'll bring you something in a few minutes and well empty your chamber pot."
"I want to go outside. Mama."
"Of course you do." She was standing right outside my door. "But its not you so much as what's inside you. Noble," she added in a loud whisper.
"No. Mama. no. I'm all right. I promise." She didn't reply. I heard her walk off and descend the stairs. Pounding on the door and crying out would do no good. It would make it all worse. I knew that from the times before when she had done this to me. I had to find the patience and convince her she had corrected whatever it was she imagined had gone wrong.
I knew she would put me through a fast. I tried to sleep to conserve my energy. I did drift off from time to time, but woke often. The sun's descent deepened the shadows in my room. My stomach growled, demanding something. Finally, I heard my door being unlocked. I sat up quickly. Mama entered with a glass of something in her hand.
"Drink this." she told me.
I shook my head.
"You must. It won't hurt you, Noble. It will strengthen you."