Our lovemaking was gentle and then our passion seized us and made us frantic with the need to please each other as well as ourselves. I cried out many times and he kissed me so many times. I felt he had left his lips on my cheeks and on my mouth. When it ended, it was like closing the covers of a wonderful book, a book about us. I was satisfied and yet disappointed that it was over.
"Love like this is so intense and so demanding. Celeste," he told me when I complained about it ending. "that if we didn't stop, we would destroy ourselves, explode, burst our hearts because of how full we filled them."
"Yes. yes,- I would whisper, did whisper.
I closed my eyes and embraced myself, just realizing then that I was naked. that I had somehow taken off Mama's clothes as I had imagined in my fantasy. Then I heard a snicker and my eyes snapped open.
He was silhouetted in the doorway. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, but the shadow didn't go away. There was just enough light when he moved to the right to reveal his red hair.
"How did you get in here?" I whispered. Even though he stood in the darkest places. I could see his smile,
"You let me in," he said, "When you're like this, you let me step across. Don't you know that?"
I shook my head. I knew it, but I didn't want to know it, to believe it.
"If you didn't change, if you remained like this, if you would be who you are, your troubled little brother could come in. too. Instead, he's trapped out there in the darkness. Go to the window and look. Open it and listen."
"Get away," I cried.
"I'm not going to go away, and if your mother continues to do what she's doing,Ill be back many, many times." After a moment he added. "How's my baby?"
Then I heard him laugh. I hurried to gather up Mama's clothes. "Or should I say our baby?"
As fast as I could. I turned on the nearest lamp. He was gone in the instant, decimated in the light, and I caught my breath. Then I hurried out of the living room and up the stairs, returning to Mama's room. As quickly as I could. I put back her clothes and I sat at the vanity table and wiped off the lipstick and rouge and eyeliner. My heart was thumping so hard. I thought I would faint and Mama would find me here the next day, still unconscious.
When I was done removing the makeup. I made sure the room was how I had found it, taking care to close every jar and tube on that vanity table. Afterward. I went into a hot shower and let the water practically bum my skin. I looked in on Celeste and saw she was quietly sleeping, undisturbed, that soft, little smile still on her lips. Her dreams were all good. I thought and breathed easier.
This night I crawled into bed like someone lying down in her own coffin. I folded my arms over my stomach and pressed my hands together.
"You have to die again, Celeste," I whispered. "You have to go back."
It was truly as if I could press my female body back inside me. When I looked at my window on my left, I saw Elliot's face and hands pressed to the pane. He was on the outside looking in again. I had to keep him that way, keep him away from us. How could I get Mama to understand?
"Daddy," I whispered, "please come back to me. Please tell me what to do." I waited to hear his voice.
The silence was painful. It made my ears ring. I turned over and buried my face in the pillow.
Tomorrow, maybe, I thought. Tomorrow he will come and I won't feel as alone and lost.
When I looked up again. Elliot's face was gone. Between two dark purple clouds, a star gleamed.
Daddy used to tell Noble and me that every star in the sky was another wish, another promise.
"How come there are so many?" Noble asked him.
"People wish for so many things. Aren't you wishing for things all day long? How about you. Celeste?"
"Yes," I said. "Lots of things."
"Mommy says the old well is a wishing well," Noble told him. Daddy smiled. "Yes, that's about all its good for now."
"I throw a rock in it every day and make a wish," Noble told him. "Do you? What about you. Celeste?"
"She doesn't," Noble answered for me. "She thinks it's silly."
"I never said it was silly."
"Well, you don't do it."