I found him seated at his desk, scribbling over a pad. He didn't look up when I knocked.
"Randolph?" I said, approaching him. "Are you all right?"
He lifted his eyes toward me and then looked at the pad. I could see he had just been doodling. Suddenly a single tear broke free of his left eyelid and began to trickle down his cheek. His lips trembled, and his chin quivered.
"She's gone," he said. "Mother's gone."
"Oh, Randolph," I said, both happy and sad that he was finally willing to face up to it. "Yes, she is."
He shook his head and looked at Grandmother Cutler's picture on his desk.
"I never really had a chance to say good-bye," he said. "We were always so busy . . . ." He looked back at me and shook his head. "We never really said the things that we should have said to each other. At least, I didn't say the things I should have said to her. She was always protecting me, looking after me."
"Randolph, I'm sorry," I said. "I know you have been avoiding the reality for so long, but maybe this is good. Maybe you can achieve things again, become what she would have wanted you to become."
"I don't know," he said. "I don't know if I can. I feel so lost."
"You will get better with time, Randolph. I know you will."
He smiled at me gratefully.
"How pretty you look," he said.
"Thank you, Randolph. You know it's my wedding day," I said softly. "The ceremony and the cocktail party are over. Now we're all going into the ballroom for dinner. Don't you want to come and celebrate with us? It's time for us all to enter together," I emphasized.
He nodded. "Yes," he said, looking around. "I'll be there," he said. "In a moment. I just want to get myself together." He lifted his heavy, dark eyes toward me again. "Good luck to you," he said, as if he would never see me again.
"Don't be long, Randolph. Please," I said. He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand and nodded.
"I won't," he promised. "Thank you," he said.
Mother was waiting impatiently beside Jimmy when I returned.
"It's time for us to enter," she said. "Where were you?" "I went to see Randolph. He's snapping out of it, facing the truth," I told her.
"Well, good for him. It's about time," she said sharply.
"He needs you, needs someone to help him," I said.
"Oh, Dawn, why bring up all this dreary business at a time like this?" she moaned. "It's your wedding day, for goodness sakes! Enjoy it!"
"He said he would enter with us," I told her, and I looked back for him.
Just then we heard the band inside stop, and then a drumroll begin. The master of ceremonies took the microphone and announced us.
"Ladies and gentlemen, your hosts, the Cutlers, and the bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. James Gary Longchamp." "Where is he?" I cried.
"We can't wait any longer. He's probably forgotten what you told him by now anyway," Mother said, starting toward the door. "Dawn," she snapped when I hesitated.
"I guess we'd better go in," Jimmy said.
I nodded and put my arm through his. I looked back one more time before we went under the arch, but Randolph was nowhere to be seen. Mother, undaunted, passed through first, bathing in the applause. The guests were all standing. Jimmy and I walked in after her, smiling and waving to people. The three of us went directly to the dais.
Seated with us were Mr. and Mrs. Updike, Mr. and Mrs. Dorfman, Philip and Bronson Alcott, who was placed on Mother's right. Randolph's empty chair was on her left. Sissy and Christie were on the far right end with Tricia beside them. Jimmy and I took our seats in the center, and everyone sat down. Almost as soon as we did, Mr. Alcott stood up.
The first thing the waiters and waitresses had done was to be sure everyone had his or her glass filled with champagne. Mr. Alcott lifted his.
"It's appropriate at this time," he began, "for someone to have the honor to offer a toast to the bride and groom. I am truly honored to be the one selected."