But it had happened, as well as all the horror I endured during my pregnancy at The Meadows. I couldn't erase it from my mind like some words scribbled in pencil. The events, the pain and suffering, the tears and the laughter, the heartbreak and the relief, all mingled together to form a potpourri of memories I would drag with me forever and ever.
These depressing thoughts drifted from my mind as the early rays of sunlight found the openings in my window drapes and began to brighten the room with new warmth and hope. I heard Christie stir in her crib. A few moments later she was whispering her baby gibberish to herself as she lifted the curtain of sleep from her eyes and began a new day of discovery. Just thinking about the wonder and astonishment that would be revealed in her face when she was dressed and brought to my wedding made me smile in anticipation.
I rose from my bed and went to her. She looked up, surprised because she sensed how early it was. I took her in my arms and kissed her and brought her to the window, where I opened the curtains wide so we could look out on what was beginning to be a glorious late-spring day. She was as fascinated as I was by the way the darkness and the shadows retreated from the rising sun. Small clouds, like puffs of smoke, seemed to emerge from the blue sky behind and around them. Everywhere birds were coming to life, rising from their nests and branches to greet the warm morning and begin their efforts to find food.
"Isn't it a beautiful morning, Christie? A beautiful day for Momma to gap-lathed," I said. The sun shone through the window, casting diamond strands of light on her hair. She turned to me inquisitively, as if she really understood what I was saying. Then she focused her blue eyes on the scene still unfolding below us, and her little lips folded into an angelic smile, making her look like a cherub. I kissed her cheeks and decided since we were already up, we might as well get started.
Sissy arrived to help with the baby, and then Mrs. Boston brought me a breakfast tray. The first thing Mrs. Boston did was whisper to me about Mother.
"I got up in the middle of the night," she told me, "as is my habit these days, and I caught sight of this light on. So I went to see what it was, and that's when I saw her. It was easily four o'clock in the morning!"
"What was she doing?" I asked, amazed.
"She was already up and fixing herself at her vanity mirror. I didn't let her see me looking in on her. Maybe she just got confused about the time, with all the excitement and everything," Mrs. Boston added, shaking her head. But nothing Mother did at this point really surprised me.
A little while later Trisha arrived to help me prepare myself. Sissy dressed Christie and took her away so we wouldn't be distracted.
"Nervous?" Trisha asked.
"You mean because my fingers are trembling and I don't dare put the lipstick to my lips?" I replied, laughing. She helped me brush and style my hair. Mother looked in on us just before she was about to go down to begin greeting the guests. I had to confess she looked very, very beautiful.
She wore a strapless off-white satin gown with a lace bodice lined with pearls. Over her shoulders she wore a sheer shawl, and around her neck she wore her thickest diamond necklace. Matching teardrop earrings dangled from her lobes. On her left wrist she had her thick gold bracelet studded with emeralds and diamonds and rubies, a bracelet she once bragged was worth half as much as the hotel.
"You look beautiful, Mother," I said.
"Yes, Mrs. Cutler. You do," Trisha chorused.
"Thank you, girls. I just came by to wish you good luck and to see if there is anything you need, Dawn. After this I will be very busy," she said.
"No, we're fine, Mother. Thank you for your good wishes," I said.
She flashed a smile and left, eager to take her position as queen of the hotel.
Jimmy surprised me with his adherence to tradition and refused to see me or let me see him until we saw each other in the chapel. "We've had enough bad luck to last a lifetime," he had told me. "I'm not doing anything to bring about any more."
I was shaking so much when Trisha and I took our positions to wait for the start of the music that I was positive I would trip and fall on my journey to the altar. Philip brought Randolph in only moments before the music began. Both of them wore tuxedos. Philip's fit perfectly, and he looked very handsome, but Randolph's illustrated just how much weight he had actually lost. The jacket seemed to float around him, and his pants looked rather baggy. Philip had managed to get him to have his hair trimmed and his face cleanly shaven. He did smile and look excited, but moments later he was fidgeting again and appearing very distracted. I noticed how he kept whispering in Philip's ear.
"Is he all right?" I asked.
"Yes, yes, don't worry," Philip said. "He'll do his small part okay," he assured me. "You never looked more beautiful, Dawn," Philip said. "Can I give you a good luck kiss now, before the rush?" he asked.
"Yes, Philip."
His eyes brightened, and he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my cheek to him. Disappointed, he planted a quick kiss there and pulled back.
"Good luck," he whispered.
"Thank you, Philip."
"I'd better get with the bridegroom. He looks like he's going to pass out any moment."
Randolph appeared to panic for a moment after Philip left, but I took his hand, and he smiled at me.
"It's a big day, big day," he said. "The hotel's just buzzing with activity. Mother's always been best when she's under pressure," he assured me, patting my hand.
Trisha and I exchanged worried glances, but thankfully, before any more could be said, the music started, and we began our march.
Jimmy looked so handsome waiting for me at the altar. As I drew closer and closer to him his eyes brightened. No one will ever love me as much as Jimmy does, as much as Jimmy always did, I thought. I'm so lucky to have him.