"'I know." I was beginning to feel chilled as the dampness soaked through my clothes and to my skin.
"'Come on,' he said, 'I'll get you some clean towels. You can use my mother's old hair dryer. It still works,' he added and I followed him to his room.
"He brought me some towels and watched me dry my hair and then I started to take off my clothes. I thought I might throw them into his clothes dryer for twenty minutes. He just stood there looking at me and I kept undressing until I was completely naked."
I heard Misty suck some air through her lips. Cat was looking down as if she couldn't look at me when I told them these things. Only Jade looked pleased, that small, pretty smile on her lips again.
"Yes," I said to her. "It happened." I paused and she looked disappointed, afraid I wasn't going to tell her how and why.
"His face just seemed to soften. It was like all the hardness and pain evaporated before my eyes and he looked almost like a little boy.
"My skin was still damp from the wet clothes, but I didn't dry myself. The excitement flowed through me and warmed my heart.
"'You're so beautiful,' he said and he came to me and we kissed. He scooped me up and gently placed me on his bed as he stepped back and undressed. Once again, we were both under his blanket, embracing, kissing.
"He stopped and said, 'Last night, after it was all over, I fell asleep dreaming about you, imagining us right here. I hoped and even prayed it might happen, and when I opened that door before and saw you standing there, you looked like a dream come true.'
"'Even with my hair soaked? Didn't I look more like a drowned rat?' I asked him.
"'Hardly,' he said. 'Usually, I wouldn't have
any faith in dreams and prayers and hopes, but you made me believe when you came here yesterday,' he said, as if it had been an earth-shattering decision for me to do so. 'I guess I expected you'd be here, somehow, someway again.'
"To prove it he reached under the pillow and produced a condom. Of course, I had seen them and of course, I knew what it was for, but it frightened me for a moment and he saw that in my face.
"'We don't have to go further if you don't want to,' he said:'
"What did you say?" Misty blurted, impatient with the small pause. I couldn't help it. My heart was pounding, just telling-them
"I didn't say anything," I told her. "I just kissed him and that was enough of an answer. It wasn't as painful for me as it was for you and that wasn't because I wasn't a virgin or anything," I added quickly. "It's not the same for everyone.
"Afterward, we fell asleep in each other's arms. We slept like that for nearly an hour and a half. I woke first and then he did and we greeted each other with smiles and kisses until I realized what time it was and how angry and upset Granny could be. I couldn't call her because his phone was disconnected.
"'I gotta go, get to a phone and go home,' I told him I had forgotten to dry my clothes. He gave me one of his pullovers and a pair of his jeans, which were way too big, of course, but I rolled up the legs and tied a belt around the waist. I used the hair dryer on my sneakers and put on a pair of his sweat socks. I know I looked a sight, but I didn't care. I was actually happy I was wearing his clothes. I put mine into a paper bag and then he walked with me to the bus stop. We found a pay phone on the way, but vandals had stuffed gum into the slots.
"'I'll just go home,' I told him "You going to come to school tomorrow?' I asked.
"'Yeah,' he said. 'I'll meet you at the locker in the morning.'
"The bus came moments after we arrived and I was on it, waving good-bye. He looked so happy and my heart was so full and hopeful. All the terrible things in my past seemed to dwindle next to his smile. Love is really more powerful than hate, I thought.
"I didn't know. I didn't know," I said and paused.
I was crying and my throat felt so tight, I couldn't swallow.
"Easy," Doctor Marlowe said. "You're doing really well, Star. It took a long time to get you to this place. Don't give up."
I nodded, took a deep breath and looked at the girls. They all wore looks of deep fear. Misty and Jade had actually moved closer to each other and Cat embraced herself so tightly, anyone would think she would come apart if she didn't.
"Of course, Granny was very upset when I got home. She had given Rodney dinner and cleaned up, but it was like her to leave a plate out for me and keep some of her stew warming.
"'Where've you been, child?' she asked from her rocker. 'I've been sick with worry. How come you're dressed like that? Where's your clothes?'
"'They're in this bag, Granny,' I said holding it up. 'I got caught in a rainstorm and soaked to the skin.'
"'Whose clothes are these?' she asked, her eyes more like two tight slits of darkness.
"'They're Steve's,' I said and then I tried to explain it all quickly. 'I'm sorry, Granny, but I had to rush out like that and I couldn't call you. Steve's father didn't pay their phone bill and their phone was disconnected. I knew something was wrong with him when he didn't come to school today.'