"When we arrived at his house, it was as quiet and as empty as he had said it would be. We went into the media room and he put on some music and then he went to his parents' bar and made us both another Coke spiked with rum.
"The sofa had a control panel built into the arm and he could dim the lights and raise and lower the volume of the music.
"My father has some X-rated movies hidden. I know where they are. You want to watch one?' " he asked.
"No," I said quickly.
He didn't look disappointed. He nodded and smiled as if I had passed some sort of test.
"'Good. I knew you were a mature girl,' he said. I suppose that made me feel very happy and maybe I was a little less aware of what was happening. I drank the Coke and rum a little too quickly, too.
"Suddenly, Charles Allen put his hands on my hips and then brought them up and began to fondle me.
"I was very excited but frightened too as his hands explored under my clothes.
"'Maybe someone will come in,' I warned.
"'No,' he insisted. 'Everyone's out for the night. Relax,' he added, kissing me on the neck and cheek. 'You smell so good.'
"I had a whole speech ready, but the words got jumbled in my brain. It didn't take long for him to get my tank top off and my bra and then he showed me he was prepared.
"I did put up some resistance, started to talk him out of it, but he had a whole speech ready, too."
"Oh, I can't wait to hear what that was," Jade said.
"He said things like we shouldn't deny ourselves now. Our parents were off making themselves happy, so why shouldn't we? 'What do you think your mother's going to be doing tonight? And what do you think your father's doing? Same as min
e, I'm sure,' he said."
"So you let him do it," Star concluded.
"It happened so fast. We were both naked and he started. I remember I was trembling so hard, he laughed, but I was terrified that it would be so painful. Of course, it was my first time, so there was pain and I concentrated on that so much, I didn't enjoy a moment and I don't think Charles Allen did either. It all happened quickly, more like something that had to be done and over with.
"He started to complain, blame everything on me. I didn't need someone to be nasty to me then. I needed some understanding. He made me feel so insignificant, talking about how inexperienced I was and how experienced he was. I challenged him, telling him I didn't know any girls he had been with, and I knew he had no love affair with any college girl."
"I bet I know where he claimed he got his experience," Star said.
"Where?" Jade asked her.
"The street," she replied and looked to me for confirmation. "Am I right, girl?"
I nodded.
"He went with prostitutes?" Jade asked. I nodded.
"He bragged about it:'
"Ugh, how could you continue to go out with him?" Jade asked me.
"I didn't much longer," I said.
"How come?"
I closed and opened my eyes.
"After I got home that night, I wasn't feeling very good about myself. I felt. . . dirty. I took a bath. The house was empty, quiet. Mommy was still not home. I had no one to talk with. I just needed someone. I called Daddy. Of course, I wasn't going to tell him what I had done, but I just wanted to hear his voice. It wasn't terribly late, but all I got was his answering machine and I didn't leave a message.
"I cried a lot that night. I felt so lonely, never as lonely and afraid as I did then:'