"You want me to drive to Memphis myself and stay in the dorm with them?"
"Yes, of course. You're old enough and responsible enough to do it. April. You have a good head on your shoulders. I trust you. You're not at all like so many of the young girls your age who let others lead them astray. I'm very proud of you,"
What could I say? If she knew of the trouble I had been in with David. Luke. and Jenna, she wouldn't be so confident of my abilities. I felt like such a phony, and yet it was true that because of all that. I was far more careful and less innocent when it came to making decisions.
I thought about what she was telling me to do now. Go to Memphis by myself? What an exciting idea. I had driven around Hickory, of course. but I had yet to make a sizable trip of any kind-- and to finally stay at the college dorm. too! But there was just no way I could leave Mama alone for two days. How could I even contemplate it?
"I can't leave you, Mama, especially if you're not feeling well."
"It's just some arthritis. I'll be able to get up and go about my business here just fine. April. I don't need you to babysit me. It will only make me feel worse to see you moping about the house. And I would hate knowing I'm keeping you from being part of your sister's success."
"Does Brenda know about this?"
"I'm sure Celia has told her by now or will very soon," she said.
"I don't know," I said, my reluctant resistance starting to crumble.
"At least one of us should be there for Brenda," Mama said. "If your father were alive, he would take you for sure, and if he couldn't go for same reason, he would surely send you."
"But you'll be all alone here. and..."
"I'm alone here most of the time. anyway. April. It's not going to be anything unusual. Of course. I want you to call me the moment you arrive at the dormitory and let me know you're there safely. Go on." she said when I didn't say anything. "You're a biz girl now, honey. You've got to be more independent. Don't be afraid of it."
"I'm not afraid of being independent. Mama. That's not it. I'm worried about you."
"I know, but I'll be fine," she said. "It's really only for a day and a half."
"Are you sure you can't come with me. Mama? We'll drive slowly, stop if we have to and walk about, or have a cup of coffee in a roadside restaurant."
"No, that wouldn't help. And besides, I'd just make it unpleasant for everyone, and I want it to be wonderful for Brenda."
"She wants you there more than she wants me."
"Oh, no. honey. She talked so much about showing you around the campus."
"Really?"
"Yes. Please go. It will make me feel more terrible if you don't. and I can't stand feeling responsible for any more unhappiness in this family." She looked away and added. "I know how I've been a drag on both of you."
"No, you haven't. Mama. You haven't!"
"Okay." She turned back to me. "Just go, April, Please. If neither of us shows up. Brenda will be so upset."
"But..."
"I'm sure the other girls on the team will have their families watching. Brenda pretends to be selfsufficient, but she needs you."
"Brenda needs me?"
"Sisters need each other. April, especially two who have gone through everything you two have gone through."
If what she was saying were only true. I thought.
I nodded, Maybe I was rationalizing. Maybe I was being selfish, but the prospect of doing all this on my own was too exciting, and if I didn't go. Mama would be more depressed. I should go. "Okay. Mama. I'll do it." I said.
"Good. April. Just be careful. Don't pick up any hitchhikers. Go directly to the dormitory. You have the directions Brenda sent us?"
"Yes." I said.