I stood trembling, uncertain, wondering what to do that wouldn't make me seem a foolish prude in the judgment of a brother who knew well how to mock me when he chose. He seemed a stranger, older, like someone I had never met before. He also seemed weak, dazed, perplexed, and if I moved to cover myself, I'd steal from him something he'd been starving to see.
Time seemed to stand still as he lingered in the closet, and I hesitated before the dresser which revealed to him the rear view, too, for I saw his eyes flick to the mirror to take in what that reflected.
"Chris, please go away."
He didn't seem to hear.
He only stared.
I blushed all over and felt perspiration under my arms, and a funny pounding began in my pulse. I felt like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar, guilty of some petty crime, and terribly afraid of being severely punished for almost nothing. But his look, his eyes, made me come alive, and my heart began a fierce, mad throbbing, full of fright. Why should I be afraid? It was only Chris.
For the first time I felt embarrassed, ashamed of what I had now, and quickly I reached to pick up the dress I'd just taken off. Behind that I would shield myself, and I'd tell him to go away.
"Don't," he said when I had the dress in my hands.
"You shouldn't. . ." I stammered, trembling more.
"I know I shouldn't be, but you look so beautiful. It's like I never saw you before. How did you grow so lovely, when I was here all the time?"
How to answer a question like that? Except to look at him, and plead with my eyes.
Just then, behind me, a key turned in the door lock. Swiftly I tried to put the dress over my head and pull it down before she came in. Oh, God! I couldn't find the sleeves. My head was all covered by the dress, while the rest of me was bare, and she was there--the grandmother! I couldn't see her, but I felt her!
Finally I found the armholes, and quickly I yanked the dress down. But she had seen me in my n
aked glory, it was in those glittering gray stone eyes. She turned those eyes away from me and nailed Chris with a stabbing glare. He was still in the daze that put him nowhere.
"So!" she spat. "I have at last caught you! I knew I would sooner or later!"
She had spoken to us first. This was just like one of my nightmares . . . without clothes in front of the grandmother and God.
Chris snapped out of the fog and stepped forward to fire back, "You have caught us? What have you caught? Nothing!"
Nothing . . .
Nothing
Nothing . . .
One word that reverberated. In her eyes, she had caught us doing everything!
"Sinners!" she hissed as she once again turned those cruel eyes on me. They held no mercy. "You think you look pretty? You think those new young curves are attractive? You like that long, golden hair that you brush and brush and curl?" She smiled then--the most frightening smile I ever saw.
My knees were clicking nervously together; my hands were working too. How vulnerable I felt without underwear and with a wide open zipper in back. I darted a glance to Chris. He advanced slowly, his eyes flicking around to search out some weapon.
"How many times have you allowed your brother to use your body?" shot out the grandmother. I just stood there, unable to speak, not comprehending what she meant.
"Use? What do you mean?"
Her eyes narrowed to mere slits that sharply turned to catch an embarrassed blush on Chris's face, clearly revealing even to me that he knew what she meant, even if I didn't.
"What I mean is," he said, turning redder, "we haven't really done anything bad." He had a man's voice now, deep and strong. "Go on, look at me with your hateful, suspicious eyes. Believe what you will, but Cathy and I have never done one single, wicked, sinful or unholy thing!"
"Your sister was naked--she has allowed you to look on her body--so, you have done wrong." She whipped her eyes to me and flared them with hate before she pivoted around and stalked from the room. She left me quivering. Chris was furious with me.
"Cathy, why the hell did you have to undress in this room! You know she spies on us, just hoping to catch us doing something!" A wild, distraught look came upon him, making him seem older and terribly violent. "She's going to punish us. Just because she left without doing anything, doesn't mean she won't come back."
I knew that. . . I knew it. She was coming back-- with the whip!