"I'm dating a lot of men who are prettier than me," I said.
Nolan frowned at me, and the lines in his face folded into the frown like it was his natural look. He really needed more reasons to smile soon. "Who?" he asked.
I took Nathaniel's hand in mine, and nodded at Dev across the van. I laid my head against Nicky's shoulder. He said, "Don't include me in the prettier club, Anita. I know I'm attractive, but not in the same way that Dev is, and I'll never be as beautiful as Nathaniel, but that's okay. You don't have to protect my ego on this one."
I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I said, "It feels mean to say they're pretty and not include you, because you're hot, too."
"I didn't say I wasn't hot. I said I wasn't as beautiful as they are, and I'm sure as hell not as beautiful a man as you are a woman. I'm dating out of my league and I know it."
"I think you're ballparking my league just fine." I smiled at him and offered up a kiss, which he took with a smile of his own.
"It's like we're not even here," Nolan said.
"You haven't seen anything yet," Edward said.
I gave him a frown. "Are you saying we overshare with you?"
"Not with me, but Nolan isn't me and he's not used to this much honest communication."
"The only way to have this many relationships is to talk honestly."
"But not in front of strangers," he said.
"So it's okay to stand shoulder to shoulder with Nolan and kill vampires, but we're not supposed to talk about emotional stuff?"
"Yeah, that's what I'm saying."
"Well, fuck that. Nolan started it by making a statement that isn't true, and I could prove it, so I did."
"You didn't prove anything, Blake."
"Dev and Nathaniel are prettier than I am, but I'm in relationships with both of them. That proves that women, or at least this woman, will date people prettier than they are, so I've disproved your blanket statement."
Nolan frowned harder so that the lines on his forehead looked like they'd been carved into his flesh with a dull knife. It looked almost painful and made me want to touch his face and try to smooth them out. I wouldn't do it, but the more he made his face look like that, the more I wanted to do it.
He looked at Edward and whatever look they exchanged, Edward understood it. "She's being honest."
"She thinks she's being honest," Nathaniel said.
I looked at him sitting beside me, still holding hands with me. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I've never known a beautiful woman who didn't know exactly how beautiful she was," Nolan said.
"Now you do," Edward said.
I was pretty sure I understand what he was saying, but it made me uncomfortable, so I said, "How far to your headquarters?"
"Are you changing the subject?" Nolan asked.
"Yes."
He frowned harder yet, and the lines looked almost artificial. I didn't even usually notice things like this, but Nolan's face seemed etched with some grief that had spent too many years fashioning itself a home on his face. It was like he needed a hug.
"We're not that far outside Dublin," he said.
"Don't I get any points for the fact that if I pull my holy item out it will glow?" Dev asked; apparently we weren't done with the conversation.
"That will be more helpful when we don't have vampires fighting on our side," I said.
"The first time I pulled out my cross it didn't glow," Nolan said.
"Are you saying now it does?" Edward asked.
He nodded. "You might say that watching all the other holy objects glow in the face of evil was a conversion experience."
"Were you not raised Christian?" Kaazim asked.
"No, my father is actually an atheist. He said he couldn't believe in anything that caused so much pain, when it was supposed to be a benevolent god."
"I've got some close friends who aren't religious for similar reasons," I said. Nathaniel had dutifully gone to church with me, but Micah had refused. He said that he couldn't reconcile a loving God with some of the things he'd seen in his life. Since he'd spent years being at the mercy of one of the most twisted sexual sadists I'd ever met, I understood his confusion, but I did not share it. It had actually bothered me that if it had been Micah I planned to marry instead of Jean-Claude, I still couldn't have married in the Episcopal Church. Jean-Claude couldn't step into the church, but Micah wouldn't step into one.
"It bothers you that they don't believe," Nolan said.
"Yeah, it does."
"Sorry, Anita, but sociopaths aren't big on God and the angels," Nicky said.
"My only problem with so many of you not believing is that we're hunting vampires, and holy objects only work if you believe, so yes, Dev, you get brownie points that you believe."
"Blessed objects work regardless," Jake said.
"Yeah, because they're empowered by the belief of the holy person who blessed them, not by the belief of the person wielding them," I said.
"I guess I need one of those before we meet any more vamps in person," Nicky said.
"I can lend you a blessed object, Murdock--though you admitting that you're a sociopath . . . does that mean I shouldn't trust you at my back?" Nolan said.
"As long as we're on the same side with the same goals, I'll have your six."
"And if our goals aren't the same?"
Nicky looked at him, and that one blue eye looked colder, like spring skies when there's a sudden frost and all the flowers die. "Then I won't have your six."
"So if our goals diverge, I shouldn't trust you?"
"You've been in this business longer than I have; trusting anyone is for suckers."
"You trust Anita."
"If I couldn't trust her I don't think I would be in love with her."
The van went around a bend of the road a little fast, and we all reached for things to hold on to. Nathaniel held my hand tighter, and I reached for Nicky's arm; it was like holding on to a warm, flesh-covered tree, or maybe a rock. His biceps were sort of epic.
"I'll never have arms half as good as this, no matter how much I lift," I said.
"You'd look silly with arms as big as Nicky's," Dev said.
I smiled. "I know, but it's still unfair that the men have the edge in the gym."
"You can have babies," Nolan said.
"That is so not a good trade-off," I said, but I let myself lean my head against Nicky's shoulder, my hand still around his arm.
"You know I'd have the baby for us if I could," Nathaniel said.
I rose up from leaning against Nicky and fought not to give an unhappy face to Nathaniel. "I know, and I wish you could, because I so am not looking forward to being pregnant."
"It might be nice to have babies underfoot again," Jake said, looking at Dev.
"Don't look at me. I'm still trying to figure out the romance part. I think babies are a step above that."
"Sharing a baby can be romantic in a way," Nolan said.
"I have a story or two about babies; one of them is even about this one," Jake said.
Dev smiled and patted his arm. "There's nothing romantic about changing diapers; I remember that story."
"I am a very old friend of the family, enough that I babysat on occasion," Jake said, to Nolan's look.
"What story?" I asked.
Dev shook his head. "I'm armed to the teeth and about to help you hunt big bad vampires. I would like to do that without Jake telling any stories that include me in diapers or in elementary school."
"I bet you were an adorable baby," Nathaniel said, smiling.
Dev smiled back. "I was, but I don't need to be reminded that I'm the youngest one here."
"You don't mind that sort of thing normally," I said.
"Maybe I want to be a grown-up."
I remembered being his age and having things to prove. "Okay, you're a grown-up. We can save the embarrassing stories for later."
"I think I may even have pictures on my phone of him as a baby," J
ake said.
"You're just teasing me now. You do not have my baby pictures on your phone."
Jake got his phone out without a word and pulled up the pictures. He swiped though until he came to one and showed it to Dev, who got a strange look on his face. He wasn't unhappy, but he was deeply surprised.
"I didn't think you kept pictures of us," Dev said as he handed back the phone.
"I know," Jake said.
"Wait. I want to see," Nathaniel said.
He looked at Dev, who shook his head. "Later," Jake said, and put the phone away.
"Old family friend, is it?" Nolan said.
Jake looked at him. "I never had children of my own."
Dev put his arm around the older man and said, "Sentimental bastard," and kissed his forehead. Jake pushed him away, smiling, calling him a cheeky child or something, but Dev was smiling more like his old self again. When people ask if love can last they always seem to mean romantic love, but there are all kinds of love, and they can all last.