I sighed and knew he was right. I really did. My therapist would have agreed with him, but I was still exhausted and discouraged, and I felt vaguely like everything going wrong was my fault somehow, so why did I deserve such happiness after what had happened to the Bradys and the Royces?
"It is not an exchange of blessings, ma petite, not an either/or. You did not create the vampire who is haunting Dublin, nor did you cause the families to fall into his clutches."
"I'm beginning to believe that something about killing the Mother of All Darkness weakened Damian's old master and gave this new monster an opening here in Ireland."
"If that is true, then we will deal with it. We will fix any problems we have inadvertently created, but we will not take the guilt of it to heart. That we will not do, and you must not. You are the queen. It is your choice whether you are going to be a queen of joy or sorrow. I have been ruled by both, and I much prefer joy."
"So do I," I said.
"Then prove it to me, to yourself, to the men in the room with you or to the women next door to you. You have many blessings with you. Please, please, ma petite, treat them, and yourself, as such."
"I will try," I said.
I could almost feel him smile, not through vampire powers, but just knowing him, knowing us. "Thank you, ma petite. That is all I can ask. Now I must get to bed. Jason will be out of the bathroom in time to tuck us both in for the day."
"Have fun," I said.
"He is not bisexual enough for much fun, nor do we have time before sunrise."
"Just enjoy having Jason home for cuddles and blood, then," I said.
"That I will do. Je t'aime, ma petite."
"I love you, too."
60
I WOKE CURLED between the warmth of Nathaniel and the cooling skin of Damian. The vampire was dead to the world, but there'd been no more nightmares. Something about all three of us touching kept the Wicked Bitch out of all our dreams, and us out of hers. It had been what made me choose Damian to be on the other side of me from Nathaniel, but the vampire had grown cool overnight and woken me. I was about to marry Jean-Claude, and I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to sleep comfortably beside him or any vampire. The thought slid into the down mood that I'd gone to sleep with and that was apparently still with me.
Nathaniel made small protesting noises and snuggled closer to me. He was almost fever warm. Damian was growing cold on the other side of me, but worse than that, he felt dead. He had that loose, heavy feel to him that only dead bodies had. I moved away from him, but his body slid into the space so that he was still touching me, so still, so dead. I started to get out from between them, but Nathaniel turned and wrapped his arms around me, trapping me between the two of them, pressing me more in against Damian's cold body. Not icy cold, but that bloodless, lifeless . . . My heart was speeding up; my pulse started to beat in my throat so that it felt like I was choking. I had to get out of this bed and away from the vampire.
I pushed against Nathaniel's arm, trying to get him to let go enough so that I could get up, but he did what he normally did. The more I struggled, the tighter he held on, making little protesting noises about warm, and sleepy, and not getting up. Normally it was cute, but not today.
"Nathaniel, let go!"
"Warm," he muttered, snuggling so tightly against me that I couldn't move, but me struggling to get away had made Damian's body slide heavier against me so that he was literally deadweight trapping me in the sheets. It threw me back to waking in a coffin with a vampire who planned on making me her servant when she rose for the night. I felt the bubbling weight of a scream. The fear was choking thick.
There was a knock on the door, and I screamed, a small yip of a scream but a scream. It startled Nathaniel enough that he let me go and rose to look at me. "What's wrong?"
"It's Nicky, Anita. Open the door now!"
He was picking up my fear. "I'm okay, Nicky. I'm just spooked."
"Let me in the room, or we'll be paying for a door."
"We're getting up," Nathaniel called, but he was looking at me. He whispered, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head and slid out of the bed. I was opening the door buck naked, when I realized there might be more people than just Nicky in the hallway. I was scared enough that I wasn't thinking clearly. What the hell was wrong with me?
"I need a robe," I said, moving back so that no one could see me at the door. I started to close it, but a hand stopped the door. "Everyone out here has seen you naked," Nicky said.
Dev said, "We have breakfast."
"And coffee," Domino said.
"Hell, why didn't you say so?" I tried for light, but it wasn't real. I was still scared as if we'd had another nightmare, but I didn't remember dreaming anything last night. I stepped back and let them into the room, using the door for my modesty, at least until the men had trooped inside. Then I had to close the door, and modesty wasn't actually possible.
Ethan managed not to stare at me at all, but he was the only one of the four men who managed it. Domino stared but managed not to ogle me. He was carrying the coffee, so I was all right with being stared at. Dev was cheerfully lecherous about it; his hands were full of trays of food. Nicky had more food in his hands, but he wasn't cheerful about it. He gave me a look that was so intense, it stripped his feelings as naked as my body. It made me go to him and try for a good morning kiss, but his hands were too full and I was too short.
Nathaniel got out of bed to help set up the food. Dev leered as cheerfully at Nathaniel as he had at me. They grinned at each other. I shook my head and rolled my eyes at them both.
I grabbed the hotel robe that was on the back of the bathroom door for our use, while the men set up breakfast on any flat surface they could find. "Boo on the robe," Dev said. "I wanted to leer at you both while we ate breakfast."
"Nothing personal to Nathaniel, but he can get dressed as far as I'm concerned," Domino said, smiling.
Nathaniel stuck his tongue out at him as he walked past them all for the bathroom. We had just woken up, but there were some things that I still didn't like to do as a couple, and one of them was bathroom stuff. I still preferred that to be private. I was pretty sure I always would.
"Where is everybody else?" I asked.
"Eating in the other rooms. There wasn't room for all of us to eat room service in any one room," Domino said.
"Did you have more bad dreams?" Ethan asked.
"You felt me be all scaredy-cat, too?"
"I don't pick up your emotions as strongly as Nicky does, or some of the other men, but I felt it this m
orning."
"No bad dreams. All of us sleeping together took care of it, but I just can't wake up beside one of my lovers feeling that much like a real corpse." I looked at Damian, who had collapsed into a still heap of paper white skin and crimson hair.
"You flash back on waking up in the coffin with the one vampire?" Nicky asked.
I nodded, shivering even in the thick white robe. Domino held out coffee to me. It made me smile. "Thanks."
He took his own coffee and let the others get their own. They'd wait on me, but not on one another, at least not outside of helping Nathaniel in the kitchen, but that was more family chores, not small romantic gestures. Bringing me coffee in the morning definitely got you a brownie point in my book.
My phone sounded with Edward's ringtone. I hurried, glad the coffee had a lid, as I went for my phone, which was still plugged into the wall. "Hey, Edward, what's up?"
"Roarke broke out of jail last night."
"How?"
"No one knows. He was just gone this morning."
"So he didn't break out. He walked out," I said.
"Security footage showed him mind-fucking one of the guards. Nothing in the research says that Selkies can do that."
"They can't, but I know that some animals to call and some human servants of a powerful enough vampire can capture someone with their gaze just like a vampire," I said.
He lowered his voice. "Speaking from experience?"
"Yeah."
"I'll tell the local guards and the Gardai," he said.
"I didn't know that Roarke could use his gaze like that, or I'd have warned someone. It's a really rare ability in an animal to call."
"I'll make sure that they know that," he said.
"Is there anything we can do to help? Do you need us at the jail?"
"Do you know how to track a Selkie? I guess Roane here."
"I don't have any seal lycanthropy in me or in anyone with me. It's not even lycanthropy. It's just what they are."
"They've got a BOLO out on Roarke with his picture to every Gardai in the area. If he's still in Dublin, maybe someone will see him and report it."
"You don't sound too optimistic."
"He mind-fucked personnel here at the jail like a master vampire, Anita. The Wicked Bitch didn't make him do all that without a plan to keep him hidden from us. She'll keep him close to her now."