She could hear words when their voices raised, and they raised often. It was her father’s voice she focused on, because he was the one who might slide into the dark with her if he didn’t drink enough. Just enough. He would come in, make a shadow in the doorway with the light hard and bright behind him.
If he was angry with the man, and not drunk enough, he would hurt her. Maybe just slaps, maybe. If she was lucky.
But if she wasn’t lucky, his hands would bruise and squeeze—and his breath, candy-scented—would begin
to come fast and hard. The ragged T-shirt she wore to sleep in would be no defense. Her pleas and struggles would only make him mad, make him mad so his breathing got faster, faster, like a big engine.
Then he would put his hand over her mouth, cutting off her air, cutting off her screams as he pushed his thing into her.
“Daddy’s got something for you, little girl. Little bitch.”
In her bed she shuddered and listened.
She was not yet eight.
“I need more money. I’m the one taking the risks. I’m the one putting my ass out there.”
His voice was slurred, but not enough. Not yet enough.
“We made the deal. Do you know what happens to people who fuck with me? The last employee who tried to . . . renegotiate terms didn’t live long enough to regret it. They’re still finding small pieces of him in the East River.”
This voice was quiet; she had to strain to catch it. But he wasn’t drunk. No, no, she knew the sound of a man who’d been drinking, and this wasn’t it. Still, the tone had her shivering. There was a nasty undercurrent to the cultured voice.
“I’m not looking for trouble, Ricker.” There was a whine now, which had her cringing. If he was afraid, he’d hurt her. And he’d use his fists. “I got expenses. I got a daughter to raise.”
“I’m not interested in your personal life but in my merchandise. See that it’s delivered tomorrow night, at the appropriate time and place, you’ll get the rest of your fee.”
“It’ll be there.”
A chair scraped the floor. “For your sake—and your daughter’s—it better be. You’re a drunk. I dislike drunks. See that you’re sober tomorrow night.”
She heard footsteps, the door opening, closing. Then silence.
It was broken by the smashing of glass, of roaring oaths. In her bed she trembled and braced for the worst.
The walls shook. He was pounding his fists on them. Better than on her, was all she could think. Let him beat the walls, let him find another bottle. Please, please, let him go out to find more to drink, to find someone else to punish.
Please.
But the door of her room burst open. He stood, a shadow, big, dark, with the light bright and hard behind him.
“What’re you staring at? You been listening to my private conversations? You been poking your nose in my business.”
No. No. She didn’t speak, only shook her head fast and fierce.
“I ought to leave you here for the rats and the cops. Rats’ll chew your fingers off, and your toes. Then the cops’ll come. You know what they do to little girls who don’t mind their own?”
He lumbered to her, dragging her up by the hair so fire burst in her scalp and she cried out despite her efforts to stay quiet.
“They put them in dark holes in the ground and leave them there so bugs crawl into their ears. You wanna go into a little dark hole, little girl?”
She was crying now. She didn’t want to, but the tears simply spurted out. He slapped her. Once, twice, but it was almost absentminded, and she began to hope.
“Get your lazy ass out of bed and pack your junk. I got places to go, people to see. We’re heading south, little girl.”
He smiled then, a big, toothy grin that left his eyes wild. “Ricker thinks he scares me. Well, hell. I got the first half of his money and his goddamn drugs. We’ll see who has the last laugh. Mother fucking Max Ricker.”
As she scrambled to obey, stuffing what clothes she had into a bag, she could only think she was saved, for one night, she was saved. Thanks to a man named Max Ricker.