"Nothing." She turned her head away, closed her eyes, and escaped.
• • • •
She'd been nothing. A vessel, a victim, a child. One more statistic sucked into an overburdened, understaffed system. She'd tried to sleep then, too, in the narrow bed in the hospital ward that smelled of sickness and approaching death. Moans, weeping, the monotonous beep, beep, beep of machines, and the quiet slap of rubber soles on worn linoleum.
Pain, riding just under the surface of the drugs that dripped into her bloodstream. Like a cloud full of thunder that threatened from a distance but never quite split and spilled.
She was eight, or so they'd told her. And she was broken.
Questions, so many questions from the cops and social workers she'd been taught to fear.
"They'll throw you into a hole, little girl. A deep, dark hole."
She would wake from the twilight sleep of drugs to his voice, sly and drunk, in her ear. And she would bite back screams.
The doctor would come with his grave eyes and rough hands. He was busy, busy, busy. She could see it in his eyes, in the sharp sound of his voice when he spoke to the nurses.
He didn't have time to waste on the wards, on the poor and the pathetic who crowded them.
A pin…was there a gold pin on his lapel that winked in the lights? Snakes, coiled up and facing each other.
She dreamed within the dream that the snakes turned on her, leaped on her, hissing with fangs that dug into flesh and drew fresh blood.
The doctor hurt her, often, through simple hurry and carelessness. But she didn't complain. They hurt you more, she knew, if you complained.
And his eyes looked like the snakes' eyes. Hard and cruel.
"Where are your parents?"
The cops would ask her. Would sit by the bed, more patient than the doctor. They snuck her candy now and then because she was a child with lost eyes who rarely spoke and never smiled. One brought her a little stuffed dog for company. Someone stole it the same day, but she remembered the soft feel of its fur and the kind pity in the cop's eyes.
"Where is your mother?"
She would only shake her head, close her eyes.
She didn't know. Did she have a mother? There was no memory, nothing but that sly whisper in her ear that had fear jittering through her. She learned to block it out, to block it all out. Until there was no one and nothing before the narrow bed in the hospital ward.
The social worker with her bright, practiced smile that looked false and tired around the edges. "We'll call you Eve Dallas."
That's not who I am, she thought, but she only stared. I'm nothing. I'm no one.
But they called her Eve in the group homes, in the foster homes, and she learned to be Eve. She learned to fight when pushed, to stand on the line she'd drawn, to become what she needed to become. First to survive. Then with purpose. Since middle childhood, the purpose had been to earn a badge, to make a difference, to stand for those who were no one.
One day when she stood in her stiff, formal uniform, her life had been put in her hands. Her life was a shield.
"Congratulations, Dallas, Officer Eve. The New York Police and Security Department is proud to have you."
In that moment, the thrill and the duty had burned through her like light in a strong, fierce blaze that had seared away all the shadows. And finally, she'd become someone.
"I have to ask for your badge and your weapon."
She whimpered in sleep. Going to her, Roarke stroked her hair, took her hand, until she settled again.
Moving quietly, he walked to the 'link in the sitting area and called Peabody.
"Tell me what's going on here."
"She's home? She's all right?"