He nodded to her. Then as she started up, his hand stopped me. “You okay?”
People were watching us with confusion and skepticism. When they kept looking at Tray, I had a second realization. They had missed their leader. I’d been monopolizing him. Feeling a pang, I said back, “I will be.”
“Text if you want to go. I’ll meet you at the car.”
Reaching for his hand with mine, I squeezed his in response, then squared my shoulders and headed up the stairs. Mandy was waiting for me in the hallway. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was leaning against a wall. She gestured to a room. “We can go in there. Dylan uses it when he stays here.”
The room had a king-sized bed with a set of couches beside the bed. A side room opened off to the right and I could see a door on the other side that led to a bathroom.
“Where are his parents? And what’s his deal again?”
She laughed softly, sitting down on the bed. Her head lowered and her hands played with her dress. “Um…Dylan goes to school in another state, but he comes back when he can. I told you this before.”
“Are you together?”
“God, Taryn.” Her head lifted and her cheeks were red. “You just dive right in, don’t you?”
I shrugged, leaning against a wall. “I have other questions I want to ask. Believe it or not, this is me trying to hold back.”
“Oh.” She looked back down to her lap. “Yeah. I think so. I don’t know. I dumped Devon.”
“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes, but she couldn’t see it. “I thought you dumped Amber and Jennica too?”
“I did, but they came over last night to welcome me back, see how I was doing,” she looked up again, “and to apologize.”
“I don’t really care about your friends or your boyfriend. I just want you to be surrounded by good people. That’s all.”
“I know and I’m trying that. Devon’s emailed and called my phone every day. I haven’t taken him back.”
“Good.”
At hearing that, a small grin appeared. Then she ducked her head back down, stuffing her hands underneath her legs so she was sitting on them. Her feet started kicking at the floor. “As for Amber and Jennica, I love my friends. I mean, I’ve done some bad stuff too. Who am I to not give second chances?”
“You weren’t hurting anyone.”
“I was hurting myself.”
“Yeah and from how I see it, those two have only hurt you.”
Her feet stopped. She looked back. Tears were swimming in her eyelids. They were right there, ready to fall. One did and she brushed at it with the back of her hand. “I have to try, Taryn. I’m not as strong as you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t need people. I do. I need family and friends. I need to be able to forgive and hope that people will be there for me in the end.” She shook her head. “I’m not like you.”
“I need people too.”
“No, you don’t. You never talked to me about Brian. If you needed someone, I would’ve thought a sister would be that person.” A second tear slid down. “You never said a word. I had to find out everything from Austin. You didn’t tell me about my parents and your adoption, either. No one did. Austin just told me that shit was messed up. I hoped you would come to the family sessions too, but nothing.”
The truth had been kept from her, and I was one of the people who did that. “I’m sorry, Mandy. I didn’t keep it from you on purpose, I just…I don’t know what I was thinking. I haven't been myself lately.” I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right time. Did I even have the right to ask now? “Why didn’t you come to see me last night?”
“I was going to, but Mom said not to. She saw you at the school and it didn’t go well. Then I decided to come anyway, but Amber and Jennica showed up. It was late when they left and,” she hesitated, pausing briefly, “I didn’t know if you wanted me to come or not. Austin told me to go. He said I was being a pussy, but,” she rolled her eyes as a small grin escaped, “he’s not scared of you like I am.”
“Scared?”
“I feel like I disappointed you.” She stopped, closed her eyes. “Man, I’ve been holding that in for a long time. I think, since you confronted me and drove me to rehab, that I disappointed you.” A small and bitter-sounding laugh came from her. “Why didn’t I feel like that with my own parents, but I did with you?”
“I don’t know.” My chest had been tight since we left the patio. At hearing her last confession, some of the tightness loosened. I had five massive knots tangled up inside of me and I had four more to loosen. “Let’s not analyze that. I can’t handle feeling any more right now.”