“It doesn’t matter. We’re through. We were your family, but you got a new one.”
I grimaced. “I wouldn’t say they’re a family.”
“Whatever. A new crowd. It’s a new life. This is what you wanted. When I wouldn’t walk away, you argued for this. I’m giving it to you now.”
“Yeah, but,” I gestured to his hand, “I know what you gave that guy. You’re dealing for Jace.”
“I’m not—”
“For Jace’s boss. Same thing.”
“Stop.”
I had stepped close to him and his hands came down on mine. I glanced down and was surprised to find my hands were under his, resting on his knees. I blinked and stepped back. When had I reached for him? Then Brian’s soft murmur distracted me as he said, “I’ll be fine. Nothing will happen to me. This,” he dangled a packet with white powder inside from his hands, “will give me that security. I don’t need to be a Panther or Jace Lanser’s little brother to make a name for myself. I’ll be fine, Taryn. I will. I have it all covered.”
He didn’t. He so didn’t, and my heart hurt even more because of it. I shook my head. “You’re so stubborn. You always think you know what you’re doing.”
He sat upright, straightening his back, and a cold wall fell over his face. “I’m taking care of my own back. That’s what you’re doing, right? You got handed a brand spanking new family. Do us all a favor and pretend you don’t know us anymore.”
A harsh laugh rippled up from my throat. It was out before I realized I was even laughing. When it registered, I couldn’t stop it. A small note of hysteria mingled along with it. I couldn’t stop that either.
Brian frowned. He looked ready to say something. Concern filtered in, but then he masked that too. “Just go, Taryn.”
I jerked my head in a nod. My neck muscles were tight and I felt like I was breaking tendons as I nodded, but I tightened my jaw and forced my head up and down. I would be fine. Fuck him. He was going down the wrong path. Not me. He would be the one who got screwed in the end… I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t protect him anymore. That had been my job for so long. I turned, but I couldn’t stop myself from murmuring, “I wasn’t given a family. They were forced to take me in.” I began walking away. I didn’t stop, even as I got to Tray, I kept going.
That was my last exchange with Brian. I knew it and it had gone horribly wrong. I didn’t stay at the party. When Tray offered to drive me back, I shook my head and asked for his keys. He wouldn’t let me drive alone so we compromised. He drove me home, but we didn’t talk the whole way. When he dropped me off, I didn’t ask if he was going back. I didn’t want to know, not at that moment. I wanted to sit and be alone. Brian was really gone from my life. I didn’t know how I knew for certain, but I did. After pulling Mandy’s suitcases down to the kitchen, I sat and waited for her. This was something I could do, someone that I could still protect.
I waited until the morning. It was after six when she was dropped off. When she came inside, she looked haggard. She had bags under her eyes. Her dress was plastered against her. The smell of cold sweat clung to her, and her lips were swollen while her eyes were dilated. When she tossed her keys on the counter, she took one step, saw me, and stopped. Her eyebrows bunched together and she lifted a hand, scratching at her head and messing with her hair before she asked, “Taryn? You’re up?”
“I made coffee.” I pointed to the coffee pot.
“Oh.” She glanced over and frowned. “Okay. That’s a weird thing to say. Um,” she kept frowning, then shrugged, “I’m going to bed.”
She started for the stairs, then saw the suitcases and stepped back. “Uh, Taryn? What’s with the luggage? You going somewhere?” She seemed to reassess me. “I heard you had words with your ex. Did something really bad happen between you? You think you’re in danger or something?”
No, not me. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. I suck at that stuff.” I watched her. I wanted her to see me and see how serious I was. When she did, she kept frowning, but a small amount of fear filled her eyes. “I found your stash.”
I let that hang in the air between us.
When she realized what I meant, her eyes went wide and her shoulders stiffened. Her mouth fell open. “You had no right. You searched my room? Who do you think you are—”
“You are eighteen.”
She stopped, confused by what I said.
I stood from the table. “You have a problem.” She opened her mouth. I knew there was an argument on the tip of her tongue, but I held a hand up. I kept going as she fell silent again. “I know you’re going to try and justify it. You’re going to tell me that your dad knows and he doesn’t care. Or you’ll tell me how it’s perfectly fine; you just use them when you need extra energy. I don’t care.”
I felt dead inside. Mandy saw it and the façade fled away. She wasn’t going to deny it, but I saw the storm beginning to brew inside her.
I added, “Those are your bags.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, her voice low and deadly.
I stepped closer and lowered mine to the same pitch. “Those are your bags. They’re packed because I’m taking you to a rehab facility. Unlike your parents, I give a shit. You’re lying to yourself every time you take a pill and you know it. You’re so full of lies, I don’t think you know what’s right anymore. It’s right to leave a boyfriend when he cheats on you. It’s right to be angry when he cheated on you with your friend. It’s right to demand better friends, better relationships, better parents who give a damn. Those are the right things to do.” Jeezus. I stopped and forced myself to calm down. Anger was coursing through me, setting me on edge. I wanted to rip into someone and bleed them dry. I realized that I was saying those words to myself as well, to the little girl in me. The one who wanted to be loved, who wanted a mother like all the other girls had in their lives, who wanted a regular home and didn’t have to be locked inside her room since she was a flight risk.
I had been lying to myself too.
Closing my eyes, I turned away. I hung my head and forced myself to see the truth. I wanted that so much that I hadn’t acknowledged the truth. Shelly and Kevin were never home. They were polite, but that was it. They didn’t care. They didn’t want me there. They weren’t the family I thought I had been gifted. Gritting my teeth, knowing this was all a lie forced on me, I whipped my head back up.