She wanted to say no. But Sara was looking up at her with those pleading brown eyes and she didn’t have the heart to simply take off. “I guess. Thanks.”
Molly felt nothing like eating but knew she should anyway. The fries were soft from the microwave, the lettuce on her sandwich limp from reheating. But at least her pop was still icy cold. The food filled a hole and gave them something to do in the silence.
She dipped a soggy fry in ketchup and frowned. Why did it have to be him, and why now? He had kept her engagement ring all these years. Safe and snug in a dresser drawer, in the original box. What could it possibly mean? Did he take it out and wonder what if? Or look at it as a reminder of their spectacular failure, a talisman against further mistakes? She looked over at Sara taking the puzzle from the wrapper. Did Jason ever think they could have had a child like Sara?
At the time, she hadn’t wanted to think about children, and he’d planned it out.
She started making a list in her mind of all the things that needed doing. Work had always been her shield, and it had been effective. She’d go home and get to work, and the whole Jason problem would disappear.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
His voice intruded as Sara busily went to work on the puzzle, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Molly took a sip of her soda, avoiding the question as long as she could.
“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking.” And even if he did, there’d be icicles in you-know-where before she’d tell him. She was thinking he was still carrying a torch for her, a big one. She didn’t know what to do with that. She didn’t want to hurt him again, of that she was sure. But it looked like she was bound to no matter what she did. They’d already gone too far.
“Perhaps I do.”
She stood up and carried her garbage to the receptacle beneath the sink, avoiding the eyes that seemed to follow her everywhere these days. “A girl’s gotta have some secrets,” she joked weakly, pasting on a smile.
He brought over his own garbage and used it as an excuse to lean in close against her back, his mouth only inches from her ear. “You can’t deny what just happened in there,” he whispered.
His breath fanned her earlobe and she shivered. “No, of course not. We were both there. But thinking that changes anything…would be a mistake.”
She cringed at how cold her voice sounded, but it was necessary. She didn’t want Jason. What she wanted was for Kim to get better so she could go back to Calgary and get on with things.
He pulled away. “You’re right, of course. You’ve made it abundantly clear you are only here for a few weeks and then it’s back to your previously scheduled life.”
Using that cold tone back to her was effective. Despite feeling closer at times, right now she knew they’d never been further apart. It should have been a safe feeling. Instead it made her want to apologize. And not just for tonight. She’d been quick to blame Jason for their breakup, but she carried her own bit of guilt with her. She’d run away. He was right about that. She had packed up and left town without a word, no explanation. The years they’d spent together had deserved more. A better ending. She was ashamed now at how she’d handled it, yet she had no idea how to make amends without making it seem as if she was asking for something.
“Mol?”
She shook her head and turned to see Jason watching her curiously.
“Where did you go just now?”
“A long way away,” she replied. She tucked her hands in her pockets. Now was no time to think about closure. Not with Sara here and not when she could still feel his fingers on her skin. “We’d better get going. I’m cleaning house tomorrow. Kim comes home soon and I don’t want her to see a war zone.”
“The clinic is closed tomorrow. I was hoping the three of us could do something together.”
She had to look away from the hope in his eyes. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
Her voice was low with warning. “You know why.”
He looked over at Sara taking the puzzle apart to start again and then back at Molly. “Just an afternoon of something fun. Like sledding, perhaps. There’s this hill over at the university…”
“I know the hill,” she answered sharply, a little too sharply. Of course she remembered the hill. They’d gone tobogganing there as students, getting cold and wet and, afterward, heading to the SUB—the student union building—for a hot drink. The two of them and some of their friends, laughing and having a marvelous time. Another on a long list of memories.
“Forget it then.”
“Jason, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be short with you. This is all just weird for me,” she tried, but knew it was a lame attempt at explanation.
“The past is the past, Molly. I thought Sara might enjoy a fun day out, that’s all. Hey, for that matter, I can take her myself and then you can get some work done. Don’t worry about it.”
Then why, suddenly, did she feel like she was being manipulated?
Chapter Six