All he did was reach out and take her hand again, feeling the smaller palm against his own. The last few weeks he’d almost completely forgotten about his own disability. Life had felt … normal. He had Jess to thank for that. Whatever she was about to confess wouldn’t change that one iota.
Her voice was small as she began. “You never think it’ll happen to you. You say you would never stand for that kind of treatment and you’d get out if you found yourself in that situation…” She looked down. “I wasn’t strong enough. I wish I’d done so many things differently. And I know I can’t go back and change things and I know it wasn’t my fault. Still. I should have been smarter. Stronger.”
Rick had been staring at their joined hands but at those words his gaze snapped to hers. Her blue eyes were shimmering with tears. God, she was hurting so much. If he hadn’t hated Mike Greer before, he definitely did now.
“Oh, Jess,” he said softly, and scooted up the mattress so he was beside her. He opened his arm and she snuggled into him. He couldn’t offer her much. He didn’t have a lot of money, he was as damaged as she was, and his employment prospects were limited. But he could offer her comfort.
“Are you disappointed in me?”
What a question. “No, of course not! You could never disappoint me.”
She lifted her chin so she could look up at him. “Are you sure? Because I disappointed myself. I just didn’t know what else to do.”
“But look at you now,” he insisted. “You overcame it. You went back to school and built this great business for yourself. You did beat him, Jess.” He put his finger under her chin and lifted until she met his gaze. “Take it from me. Sometimes you can’t do it by yourself. I thank God that Josh was there that night. And I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
She was crying now, broken sobs against his shoulder as he held her close and felt his eyes sting in response to her pain. He let her go on, knowing she needed this the same way he’d needed to talk about Kyle. “Shh,” he soothed, rubbing her arm and kissing her hair. “It’s okay to let it out.”
After a few minutes her crying lessened and she pushed away, turning her tearstained face his way. “I go for ages where it doesn’t bother me,
but lately … I think being with you, and then seeing him … it brought back a lot of stuff I haven’t had to think about in a while.” She gave a self-deprecating smile. “All the time and therapy in the world doesn’t erase the fact that people, if they knew, would ask how I could be so stupid.”
He gave a short laugh. “I hope you don’t include me in that group. I’m the last person who should ever pass judgment on anyone. Ever.”
He got up and slid beneath the covers with her, cradling her close.
Her shoulders relaxed and she turned into his arms once more. They lay that way for a long time, just holding onto each other. They talked a while longer in the dark, and then got up to actually get ready for bed. Jess brushed her teeth while Rick recharged his battery for his arm. It was nothing for her to see him without it now. He had a toothbrush in her toothbrush holder on the sink. His shampoo was in her shower. His clothes were on her floor.
Hell, he’d practically moved in.
It should have bothered him more as they crawled into bed and pulled the covers up, cuddling together.
It should have. And it didn’t. Because he trusted her. Because he loved her. And if things kept going the way they were …
He couldn’t think that way. Not yet. One day at a time.
* * *
The hall in the basement of the church was teeming with people. It was Advent, and there were always more people who turned out this time of year for weekly services. Lighting the Advent candles was always a special event, followed by carols, and today the junior choir had sung a sweet rendition of “Away in a Manger.” Jess had enjoyed it but missed seeing Rick at the service. He wasn’t much of a churchgoer, so she’d given him some space and come to church alone.
Brian Greer sat at a table across the hall, with Pamela at his side. Jess breathed a sigh of relief. She knew Karen wasn’t doing well at all, but Mike must have gone back to his life—wherever that was.
“Hey, sis!” Sarah came up to her and linked their elbows. “Matt and Susan want you to come sit with us. Suzie made the cinnamon cake and she saved you a piece to have with some coffee.”
Coffee. Jess’s nose twitched. Right now the thought of the dark brew made her stomach turn just a bit. “Maybe tea,” she suggested, feeling odd. “I’m a bit tired, you know? Busy time of year.”
“Have you been eating enough?” Sarah’s brow furrowed as she led her along to their table. Sure enough, a plate with a piece of cake waited for her. Sarah was mothering, but Jess let her sister pull her along without much resistance. The last few emotional weeks had taken their toll … not to mention the lack of sleep now that Rick was at her place most nights since after Thanksgiving.
“Sure. It’s just the holidays. Between the shop and the festival next week…”
“And Rick.” Sarah grinned at her. “You two are really an item now, aren’t you? I could tell when you brought him to Thanksgiving. Is it serious?”
Jess avoided answering by sitting down in the saved seat and smiling at her niece. “I hear you’ve been baking,” she commented, picking up a fork. She tasted the cake and smiled. “Don’t tell your mom, but I think it’s better than hers.”
Susan beamed. “Can I get you coffee, Aunt Jess?”
Again with the stomach flip. Jess smiled weakly. “How about a little tea instead, okay, sweetheart?”
“Coming right up.” Susan popped away to grab a cup while Sarah stood chatting with Gloria Henderson.