“G’morning.” I even give her a real smile.
Olivia grins. “I need a camera and a calendar so I can document that Corey Kennedy just smiled!” She laughs, cracking herself up. “It’s going to be a good day, isn’t it?”
“We’ll see.” There’s no need to get our hopes up.
She nods like she understands. “I better get going. I have to a class at 9:30. See you later, Corey.”
I sit up as she does, torn between wishing she could stay and wanting her to leave. I hate that I’m so wishy-washy all the damn time. Is it too much to ask that for once I’d know what I want, or to feel one overall emotion instead of every last imaginable feeling on the planet? Just as she’s about to get out of bed, I speak.
“Hey, Olivia.”
“Yeah?” She turns to look over her shoulder.
Who knows if I’ll wake up in a good mood again tomorrow or the next day or the day after that? What if this moment, where things are looking positive, is gone by lunch, never to be felt again? I’m being presented with a chance, right? One I’m almost certain I want to take.
For a change, my nagging thoughts cease as I lean towards her, causing her to react by shifting her body towards me a little more. Her eyes are alert, maybe a little guarded as if I’m about to attack. That isn’t going to happen. I drop my gaze to her lips for only a second before I glance back up, place my hand other back of her neck and pull her to me.
The kiss is soft and hesitant at first, neither of us too sure, but then she parts her mouth to mimic mine. Olivia reaches up to cup my cheeks with her hands as if she’s grounding me while she deepens the kiss. As far as first kisses go, it’s one of the best. It doesn’t last long, but it’s long enough that I have to take a deep breath or two when I pull back.
“I wanted to say thank you,” I say in a low voice. This time, I’m watching her, trying to see if we’re on the same page or not, even though I don’t even know which page that would be.
That mouth of hers quirks into a smile. “You’re very welcome. I’ll text you later.”
And then, I watch her leave before falling back onto my bed, still feeling pretty good about today.
Until I look up my doctor’s number to make an appointment. The phone is sitting on the table next to my laptop, mocking me. All I have to do is call, secure a time, and then go. Surely if I can
tell Olivia I need help, then I can make a simple phone call. I need to keep thinking that I really do want help and that I can do it. If not, Olivia will be there, ready to push.
I grab the phone and tap in the numbers. Things are going smoothly until the woman asks one question.
“What are you coming in for?”
“Um.” Shit. I don’t want to tell her. “Because I need to see him?” I try.
“Well, of course, but what for?” Her tone is still nice, but she’s a bit irritated now.
“I need a referral.” Because I don’t know who to go to, and I’ll probably need a referral for an appointment anyway.
“For what?”
“Can I get an appointment or not?” I snap. “It’s not like he’s not going to ask even after looking at my file. He’ll still ask why I need one and for what, so it can wait. What time can I come in?”
“Just one moment,” she answers curtly. All she has to do was give me a time and date. The rest can wait until I speak to the damn doctor himself. “We can get you in today at four.”
Today? I gulp, not expecting it to be so soon.
“Will that work for you, sir?” the woman adds.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” I hang up. More time to prepare myself for this isn’t an option. Before I lose my good mood entirely, I call Lucy. She answers on the second ring.
“Hey, Corey!” Her happiness makes me smile a little. It’s good that she’s happy. “How are you doing? How’s school?”
“Hey, Luce. Everything is good here.”
“Really? That’s great. I was really worried,” she confesses in a softer tone.
“I know. I’m sorry for making you worry, but things are better, I promise.” Enough of that. “How’s your boyfriend adjusting to living with Patrick and Jon?” Anything else is better than what we were talking about. Even if it is her boyfriend.