I narrow my eyes at her. “No, I don’t, but I need to hear it.”
“Well, I don’t know where to start. I mean, I was drinking, and he started talking to me, and one thing lead to another.”
“How much did you drink? Weren’t you wearing your ring? Did he not care?”
“Jax,” she sighs, like I’m being impossible. “I had like five drinks, and I hadn’t eaten much that day. I spent most of the vacation crying over you. And why wouldn’t I be wearing my ring? I wear it all the time. I told him I was married.”
I stare at her. I can’t believe it. “So, before you slept with him, you thought and said, ‘I’m married’, and it still didn’t matter? Did he wear a condom or am I going to have to worry about you being pregnant?” I snap.
“I told him. I know I did. My head was fuzzy, and everything was happening so fast.” Tears well in her eyes, but I don’t let it faze me. “I’m not pregnant. He used condoms. I ran an STD panel at the hospital when I got back. I’m clean.”
“Condoms?” She has to be fucking kidding me. “How long were you with him, Avery? And bullshit on ‘i
t happening so fast’. If you had time to say you’re married, you had time to not sleep with him.”
“Do you really want to know all this? Do you want me to relive all this again?”
I laugh harshly. “Do I want you to relive it? I don’t care, Avery.” She put herself in this position, so she can deal with reliving it. “I want to know and I want you to tell me.”
“I don’t want to do this, Jax, but if you’re going to be an asshole, fine.” The anger begins to seep into her voice. “I slept with him because he was a nice guy who was actually interested in me. God forbid I should feel special. We had sex twice. Mainly because he was one-minute man, and your dick is bigger. Is that what you want to hear? Does that make you feel better?” she yells.
“You’re calling me an asshole, but he’s a nice guy? He slept with a married woman! Why wouldn’t I be an ass, Avery? You fucked someone else! I’m sorry it seems impossible that I actually have a hard time with that. You’re unbelievable.”
“You’re a hypocrite. In college, you told me that you slept with anything that moved. You can’t tell me you didn’t fuck someone who was in a relationship. I’m sorry, okay? What do you want me to do? I can’t take it back. Maybe you should have been a better fucking husband, and I wouldn’t have fallen into bed with the first nice guy who showed me some attention!” Her hands slam down on the table, causing the plates to rattle.
Her words push me over the edge, and I calmly tell her exactly what I think. “Call me a hypocrite all you want, but I’m not a cheater. I never slept with anyone who was in a relationship. I never crossed that line. Yeah, I should have been a better husband, but that doesn’t mean you can sleep with someone else.”
My voice raises with every sentence. “You aren’t the one wondering if you can trust me. You aren’t the one who has to wonder if every time I go off somewhere and start drinking if I’m going to sleep with the first nice girl. You aren’t the one who knows that this fucking marriage didn’t matter! That’s not what’s running through your mind, Avery, because you’re the one acting like a whore. You fucked him after thinking about me. You fucked him while wearing that ring. So, if a hypocrite is the worst thing I am, at least it’s better than what I can call you.”
“A whore?” My hands clench into fists at the word I already regret. “That’s what you think of me? Your wife? I made a mistake. One time. For almost five years, I have done nothing but take care of you. I’m sorry, Jax. How many times do I have to say it? What do you want me to do?”
All she’s doing is making me furious and stabbing me in the heart while doing it. “Don’t bring up the fact that you’re my wife now, Avery. It’s obviously not a strong point since you brought that up before you cheated on me. And you bringing up how you’ve done ‘nothing but take care of me’ is exactly why I wanted to hire someone else.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but it doesn’t do much good. “I just want you to stop acting like it doesn’t matter. Things weren’t good, I know that. I’m not saying they were and I know it was mostly my fault. But this isn’t like, ‘oh honey, I’m sorry, I wrecked the car’ or ‘I’m sorry. I forgot to pay the light bill.’ You made a bad marriage worse before we could really try to fix it.” I take a moment to take a deep breath.
“While you were gone, do you want to know what I was doing?” I lean forward in my seat, looking her in the eyes. “I was making a decision. A decision that if I couldn’t make you my number one priority because of my job, then I would be done when my contract ran out. I could find a coaching job and do that. I thought it all out and then you come home, spend the day with me, and tell me that you slept with someone else.”
The shock written all over her face kills me. “You… you were going to give up hockey? For me? Are you serious?”
“Yeah, for you. My wife. My wife who for one night,” I hold up a finger, “for one mistake, didn’t care that she had a husband, even if he wasn’t a good one.”
“I don’t know what to say, Jax. I didn’t think you would ever give it up. For anything. Especially for me. Are you just saying this?” Her disbelief pisses me off and saddens me.
“You’re the only person I would give it up for. And it’s my fault you don’t even believe I would do such a thing.” How could she not know? Even before all of this shit? I lean back in my seat. “I was ready to show you that I was and then all hell broke loose.”
“Jax, I don’t know what to say.” Avery sobs, a trembling hand covering her mouth. “I didn’t mean to ruin our lives. I would do anything to take it back.” She leaves the table, running off to her bedroom, the sobs echoing down the hall.
Still full of rage, I stand abruptly, my chair scraping loudly against the floor. I grab my keys and slam the door on my way out. I’m pissed at her, and I’m pissed at myself. She didn’t just have sex once; she had sex twice. She almost acts as if I should take full responsibility for her actions. She called the fucker a nice guy! I’m furious with her. And then I had to go and bring up ending my career, which I wasn’t going to do. It seems even more pointless now because she never thought I’d do such a thing. Have I ever been a good husband to her? I’m pissed at all of this. Not to mention I told her she was acting like a whore and then made her cry.
I’m angry, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care that I did that. What if we can’t get past this? What if, at the end of the day, I look at Avery and all I can see is her with another man? If the fight wasn’t worth it for her before she slept with someone else, how will it be worth it afterwards? What if one choice, one mistake, ruins us forever?
The thought worries me, infuriates me, and scares me all at the same time.
Chapter Ten
Avery
I hear the front door slam, and I don’t care. He called me a whore. He wanted to hear the details. I thought, for a second, that maybe he was dealing with this better. I’m wrong. We’re right back to square one. Fighting, name-calling, and treating me like shit. I curl into the pillow and sob harder. I miss my Jax. The Jax I fell in love with. The kind-hearted, sweet guy.
I can’t move because I’m crying so hard. I’m upset because he’s right, and I hate to admit it. I’m a whore. I slept with a guy because he seemed nice. After a few flirtatious words, I forgot my marriage and dropped my panties.