“For a man who’s thrilled, he’s sure giving an excellent imitation of one who’s being eaten up inside.”
Randi knew her brother well. Becca wrote down another address.
“You don’t seem particularly excited, either,” Randi persisted. She’d pushed her book, pad and pen to the middle of the table. “I thought that when you got your second opinion and decided to have this baby, your dreams were finally coming true.”
“I gave up thinking about babies of my own years ago,” Becca said, still copying from the grant book.
“I’m not the same woman I used to be.”
“You’re not a woman who loves children?” Randi scoffed. “And this is why you volunteer at the day care every week?”
Of course she loved children, but… “Will and I are pretty set in our ways.” She tried again to verbalize some of the reasons she felt so panicked. “We enjoy traveling more than just about anything. We’ve even begun to plan our retirement.”
“Which is a good twenty years down the road,” Randi said gently. “Bec, you and Will were getting old before your time. Not having children was doing that to you.”
Pen poised, Becca looked up. “You really think that?”
Didn’t Randi see the gray strands in her hair? The passing years? She was closer to fifty than thirty.
“Look around you, Bec, at the friends you guys went to high school with. Are any of them joining adult tours of Europe for their summer vacations?”
“Of course not.” Becca dropped her pen. “They have kids to—”
She stopped, staring at Randi but seeing the past ten years flash before her eyes.
“I understand your not wanting to vacation on the beach with a bunch of children,” Randi continued.
“Not the way you two were hurting for so many years. But instead of jet-setting or finding a cabin in the mountains to have wild and raucous sex, you two hooked up with a group of senior citizens.”
“They’re very nice.” Becca had to defend some of their vacation buddies. “We’ve made some good friends.”
“And not one of them is within two decades of you guys. I’ve seen the pictures, Becca. They’re all old enough to be your parents.”
“But—”
“And that’s only one example.”
There were more?
“You guys used to drive into Phoenix a lot, go out for dinner and dancing. Or fly to Vegas for the weekend.”
She’d forgotten that. They’d had some great getaways in Vegas. When had they stopped going? Why?
“Now you work. Or stay home and read stuffy books.”
“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People isn’t stuffy.”
“But it couldn’t possibly raise your blood pressure, either.” Randi’s earnest brown eyes pleaded with Becca to listen. “You’re making yourselves old and it’s not time yet.”
Did she dare believe her young and energetic sister-in-law? Had she really created some of her own fears? Had she made the wrong assumptions? Because of a difficult fortieth birthday, perhaps. A birthday that had forced her to accept the end of her hopes and dreams.
Randi sat back. “I know so,” she said emphatically. “My other brothers and I have all talked about it—several times.”
Will’s brothers had noticed, too? Becca was seeing the world from so many new perspectives lately it was frightening.
“Can you see me sitting in the park with the rest of the mothers?” she asked Randi. “I’ve changed most of their diapers.”
“Well, you didn’t change mine—and I’m thirty, but I’m not sitting there yet.”