She made herself admit the truth. “I’m scared, Nolan. I’m afraid that you’ll tell them and they’ll want Stella and convince you to fight me for custody. With your money, I won’t have a hope in hell of fighting back.”
He sat back, shook his head. “What have I ever done to make you think I’d take her away from you?” he asked, sounding hurt. “I know you have a thing about money and the supposed power it brings, along with the chains it imposes, but come on, Lizzie. You and Stella mean so much to me. You and Stella. She needs you. And even if she didn’t, I wouldn’t hurt you that way. I’ve never even had a thought about taking her from you. You’re a great mother, Lizzie. As her daddy, how could I want anyone but you caring for her?”
She’d never thought of it that way. Not ever. Tears filled her eyes, but she didn’t look away from him. He had to get through the tough moments. Not avoid them.
He wiped at the tears that had fallen on her cheeks. “I think we just crossed our first hurdle,” he told her. “I fully intend, with every fiber of my being, to make sure that both you and Stella are happy.”
She smiled at him. Reached up to take ahold of the arm he’d lifted to her face. “Thank you. I will do everything I can to help you be happy, too,” she said. Then she leaned toward him.
And he kissed her.
* * *
He wasn’t leaving in the morning. He wasn’t going home for Christmas. He wasn’t asking for a paternity test. Funny how the answers had all come to him.
With his lips all over Lizzie’s, his tongue mating hungrily with hers, Nolan knew he was right where he needed to be. He kissed the corners of her mouth, and then she whimpered and moved her face, greedily seeking his lips again. Her body was pressing into him and he pulled her with him until they were lying down on the couch with her on top of him.
God, it felt good. So damned incredibly good. His hard-on pressed into her and she pressed right back. It had been a year too long since he’d felt so...right. Reaching between them, she touched the swollen bulge beneath his fly and he almost came apart.
He lifted a hand to her breast and...stopped. It was hard, not at all the pliable flesh he knew. Because it was filled with milk.
A reality check.
He wanted to believe he pulled away first, but knew it was her. He’d stopped moving his hand on her, but he’d still been kissing her like crazy. Pushing against him, she moaned as she sat up and landed in the chair next to the couch.
“Oh, my God,” she said, her head in her hands. She was shaking.
So was he.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“It’s not your fault...” Her voice faltered. “I just... We have to make this work, Nolan. I want it to work. I just... I think...maybe we’ve been spending too much time together all at once. Too much like last year. Taking things too fast.”
He knew she was right.
Felt it, too.
His mind and his heart were finally in sync.
“I think I’m going to go home for Christmas,” he told her. He knew he was. “I’m going to tell my parents about you and Stella and about our plans. The fact that I’m not abandoning them for Christmas will help them be more amenable. I’ll be back on the twenty-sixth. I have to play later that night, but I’ll come and see you and Stella the second I get back.”
There were no tears in her eyes as she looked up at him, but her gaze was stricken with so much more emotion than he was equipped to handle at that moment.
She nodded.
“I mean it, Lizzie, I’ll be back this time.”
Another halfhearted nod was her only response.
Swearing, he pulled out his wallet, grabbed the first nonplastic card he found—his country club membership—found a pen and wrote down his home address, both of his parents’ cell numbers and his own office number, before dropping the card on the coffee table.
He wanted to haul her up into his arms. To hold on tight and promise her that everything would be all right.
But he didn’t trust himself to let her go again. So he did the only thing left.
He let himself out.
Chapter Nineteen