She hadn’t counted on Nolan insisting on paying for every single thing she tried to purchase. From diapers to a gift to send back to Chicago for her aunt. When she caught on, she simply quit shopping. And then was left with hours stretching before her. He suggested lunch at an upscale restaurant and then, before she knew what was happening, he’d taken the removable car seat carrier from her, slipped the handle over his forearm and waited for her to precede him inside.
The hostess thought they were a family. No! she wanted to scream. And she hated the warmth that suffused her system as other restaurant patrons watched them walk through to their table.
Because Stella was so cute, she told herself. Who didn’t gush over a new baby?
But she knew differently. It was because Nolan Fortune was one of the hottest guys on the planet and the way he walked, like he not only owned the world but liked everyone in it, captivated attention.
In jeans and a red sweater, with cheap black boots, she told herself she looked like the hired help walking behind him. She couldn’t convince herself to feel like it, though.
She felt like a cherished wife and mother.
For a moment. Only a moment.
That moment was too much for her.
No matter how nice Nolan was to her, how attentive to her and Stella, she couldn’t fall for him again. His lavished attention had a definite end date. No matter what happened, he’d be rejoining his work-pressured world after the holiday.
He’d offered to give her money for the rest of her life.
Not himself.
And even if he had offered her a permanent part in his life, she wasn’t sure she’d want it. She just wasn’t a girl who hankered after a prince or a knight in shining armor. She wanted a modest home, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, a little backyard. A pet. And maybe, someday, a swimming pool. She wanted a husband who’d rush home from work to go with her to school concerts. And help with the dishes if she had papers to grade.
She wanted to teach music to kids who’d discover their own musical talents.
She wanted to raise her daughter herself. To be involved in all of the everyday changes in Stella’s life. To get her hands dirty and make chocolate chip cookie mustaches.
She wanted the life the Mahoneys had stolen from her.
She wanted to lie in bed at night in a life she could control, feeling safe and secure.
She wanted Nolan to be a regular guy who’d think living in her imaginary three-bedroom house would be an honor.
But Nolan Fortune didn’t even live on the same planet as that guy.
After he secured the carrier, with a sleeping Stella, in the high chair—he’d only watched Lizzie do it once the day before at the pita place—they sat down.
“If you’re done shopping,” he said, “I thought maybe this afternoon we could put Stella in her stroller and take her to Zilker Park. We won’t be able to see the lights, since I have to be at the club before dark, but she can still see the huge tree. We could walk through the botanical garden, see the lake...”
They’d talked about visiting the park the year before but had never gotten around to it. “Are you sure you don’t have other things to do?” she asked when her immediate response wanted to be Yes, let’s. She had to spend this time with him. But she couldn’t emotionally afford to enjoy it.
Getting over him the first time had nearly killed her.
Across the restaurant table, Nolan looked right into her eyes, holding her captive. “Are you reneging on your deal?”
“Of course not. I just...” She was afraid. He hadn’t mentioned the future since she’d offered to spend time with him. Hadn’t opened any bank account that she knew of. Was dressing like the man she’d known. Acting like him. And sitting there with him, she wanted so badly to pretend he was the same man.
“I’ve got nine days,” he said. “Every second counts.”
She’d chosen to have his baby. To keep his baby after she gave birth. She’d opened this door.
Still looking him in the eye, she nodded. When she couldn’t bear the intimate connection with him another second, she glanced at a sleeping Stella, and then studied her menu.
She had no idea what to order. Or how to find order in the chaos her life had become.
* * *
Nolan spent Wednesday, just seven days before Christmas, running errands with Lizzie. At the post office, where she dropped off the wrapped package for her aunt that they’d purchased the day before, he waited in the car with Stella sleeping in her car seat behind him. It was the first time he’d been alone with the little girl.