“Yeah, but he told me not to say any more about that. I’m me, not him. But can I say one thing?”
“Of course.”
“My dad, he’s like this man that...” The boy stopped. Pulled the mic he’d walked out with away from his mouth. Looked off in the distance, and then pulled the mic back. “He used to sing. Until the car accident that killed my sister and hurt my dad so he couldn’t sing anymore. My mom was hurt, too, and couldn’t have any more kids. My dad wrote this song about how life is hard, and it’s beautiful, too. It’s kind of about our family...”
The kid was so...real. So... She didn’t know what. He was cute as could be with dark hair and eyes. She was close enough she could see the expression in those eyes as he glanced down at the first row just before he started to sing.
And the words—about the joy a little boy brings to a family. From his first grin, his first tooth, his first step. How all the firsts teach his parents that everything will be okay as long as they don’t let death win. No matter what the future holds, there will always be a first grin, a first tooth, a first step that will bring joy. Because while death was a part of living, so was birth. New life. First grins, first teeth, first steps.
As the boy’s perfect high pitch, not yet deepened with puberty, drew to its final close, Christine became aware of herself sitting there. Mesmerized.
And sobbing. With Jamie’s arm wrapped tightly around her.
The crowd gave the boy a full second of reverent silence and then exploded into applause around them. Christine sat there, unable to do anything but feel.
How could a child bring such truth to her world? And slap her at the same time?
She’d lost so much. But not a child to death. Her child lived somewhere. And she hadn’t lost her ability to carry a child, as Olivia had.
But had she, in her pain, robbed herself of first grins? First teeth? First steps? Had she robbed herself of the joy of new life because of her loss? Was she letting death win?
“I have to tell you something. Right now,” Jamie said, suddenly, looking from his phone, which had signaled a text, to somewhere off to the side of them, and back to her. “And I think you’re going to want to hold yourself together.”
Of course. That she could do. With a sniffle and a deep breath, she sat up straighter. She was there for him. For his students. He must have seen them off to the side of them. Ready to go on.
Jamie’s hand squeezed her shoulder, pulling her so tightly against him she could feel his heart beating. “Shawn Bretton is your son, Chris. And I was under the impression that while you could watch him, you weren’t going to get to meet him. His parents offered him the opportunity to meet his birth mother and he chose not to do so. But his parents told me he’d be here today and invited you to come watch him, just not meet him. But I just had a text that his parents saw you sitting here and they’re willing to introduce you to him. He just can’t know who you are. Anywhere else it would be hard to explain, but here, you could just be a fan of his song.”
She heard the words. Listened hard inside her brain and heard them again. Still reeling from the music, she started to shake. Looked off to the side where Jamie had looked, saw a couple standing there, looking toward her and toward the back of the stage as well.
The boy on the stage. The love. The voice. He played baseball.
And... He was hers?
Not hers, but he was who Ryder had become?
She stared into Jamie’s eyes. “You found my son?” The words stuck in her throat. Came out in mostly a whisper that he probably couldn’t even hear over the crowd talking around them as they awaited judges’ scoring and the next act.
Jamie nodded, but the tears in his eyes were her real answer. “Because you don’t have to do it alone, Chris...”
Leaning in, she planted her lips on his. It didn’t matter that they were on the front bleacher with a crowd behind them. That her son’s parents were watching. That she was in his employ, pregnant with a child he’d created with another woman.
She just didn’t have any words to thank him.
* * *
Jamie fell in love all over again as he stood with his arm around Chris and watched her smile from ear to ear, as she was introduced to the young man she’d birthed. There was no hint of the emotion that had to be roiling inside her, just a self-conscious wipe of her eyes as she told him what a great job he’d done. And thanked him, too.
“I...lost a baby once,” she said. “And until today, when I heard you sing... I’ve been letting my sadness win...so, thank you.” The words explained the sign of tears on her face without, in any way, giving a hint that it had to be taking everything she had not to grab the boy in her arms and not let go.
His parents stood on either side of him. But both of them met her gaze as they thanked her profusely for sharing her story with them.
They were thanking her for a lot more than that.
Jamie knew. And in the car, on the way home, Chris said, “How can I mourn a past that not only gave him a much better life than I could have back then, but gave them back their lives, too?” Her head lying back on the rest, she had a small smile on her face as she turned and looked at him. “I won’t ever be able to thank you, Jamie. Not ever.”
He didn’t say a word, just sped as fast as he could to an exit he knew that took him to a road that led straight to the beach.
“Why are we getting off?” she asked, as he exited the freeway. “Do we need gas?”