“You talked about that with your mother, too?” he asked, to buy himself time, even knowing that no amount of it was going to be enough.
“No.” He liked how she was looking him right in the eye. And was getting turned on by it, too, which was a problem.
“I’m hoping it’s just proximity,” she continued. “And a product of you being my rock during the toughest week of my life. And pregnancy hormones. I’m in the fourth month, and from what I hear, some women tend to get horny—”
She broke off, and he felt a bit tight beneath his zipper. Growing uncomfortably tight.
“And I’m particularly easy on the eyes where the ladies are concerned,” he pointed out with a grin, hoping to defuse the moment. But he managed to turn the air between them in the car so thick he could hardly draw in a complete breath as he met her gaze.
His words faded as their gazes locked, hers seeming to darken, and the next move had to be a kiss. It was destined, with a moment like that.
He stopped himself from tilting toward her, though. Because some things mattered a hell of a lot more than sex.
“We just have to make certain nothing happens,” she said slowly, looking toward his mouth.
“You’re right,” he said the words with more force than he’d intended. “I’ve already determined that it can’t happen on my end, either. Not now, at any rate. Not anytime soon,” he continued, telling himself as much as her. “Sex between us would only complicate an already complicated situation.”
He was pretty sure there’d been a flash of disappointment showing before she blinked. Nodded. Tried to give him what was probably meant to be a relieved smile. And then she asked, “Just out of curiosity, can I ask...is there something...unattractive about me?”
Confusion flooded him.
So...what...she’d been hoping he’d say yes?
He needed to open his fly and relieve some of the pressure. But he dealt with the pain instead.
The woman’s mixed messages were wreaking havoc on his night. Crib making was definitely the better alternative.
“I only have casual relationships so I don’t risk hurting anyone.” He said the first thing that came to mind.
“Not that I’m suggesting we do this, at all, to the contrary, but what you just said, is that true?”
“It is. I’m very clear from the beginning.”
“But...why? You could still have a family, Wood. You’d make such a great husband, great father...” The compassion in her tone caught his gut.
“You can tell all that from knowing me eleven days?”
She didn’t answer. Just looked at him. Waiting.
She’d given him her honesty.
“I’m a fixer. I see someone in need, and I feel a need to do what I can to make it better. And apparently I’m content to settle for gratitude instead of the deeper, lasting emotion that makes for a successful relationship.”
No, that wasn’t quite right. Maybe partly, but... “I need to help where I can,” he said. “To tend to those in my sphere. To whatever feels like family connection to me. It’s just who I am. But at the same time, I’m tired of settling for nothing more than that. Maybe I’m tired of running scared at the thought of losing any more. I lost my dad, then my mom, then Peter...”
Speaking the truth lifted a weight from him, even as it denied him what he wanted most at the moment. He looked at her. “As far as I’m concerned, every single thing about you is attractive. Inside and out. I want you in a way I don’t remember ever wanting a woman. And that makes me even more certain that I won’t sleep with you. You need me right now. But in the future, when you have a healthy baby and are ready to move on... I need to be able to still be there for you. And for Alan. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t take a chance on being your second best.”
“What if...in the future...we still feel this way?”
She was making this more difficult than he’d ever imagined. He wanted her so badly; maybe because she was pregnant with his child, but he really didn’t think so. At least not foremost. The woman had been twisting him in knots from her first phone call.
He shook his head.
He knew himself.
“If we keep that door open, we both know where it will lead. Sooner rather than later.”
Her eyes darkened again. He’d bet his had, too, if they really did such things.