“I want to go home,” I said, letting him know that I refused to go to his place.
“I know, babe.”
“And don’t call me babe. You can’t beat me like that, and then think you can just call me babe and make it all okay,” I snapped, letting him know I was still angry. My emphasis on the word “beat” was overstating it, but I didn’t care. He didn’t respond with words, only a sigh. I closed my eyes, and somehow managed to let sleep find me. It was a welcome escape from reality.
I woke up while Luke’s arm was snaking its way around my waist. He held me close to him, as he struggled to lift me from the car without hurting me. Yeah, good fucking luck with that. I let him carry me when I should have walked. It was hard to refuse Luke when I had been away from him for so long. I noticed the door of my house had already been unlocked and propped open as his long strides led us all the way to my bedroom. He sat me on my feet and steadied me, before reaching around and locating the zipper on my skirt. The front of his body was pressed up close against mine and I inhaled deep, inviting the scent of him into my nose. Damn, even dirty he smelled good. Manly. Not like cologne or freshly laundered clothes, but like a man who had been working all day. I felt him lower the zipper of my skirt and tensed in anticipation of the discomfort, but Luke took that time to bury his face in my neck and run his tongue across my earlobe, taking my mind off of the pain. When my skirt hit the floor, Luke removed his head and stepped back, undoing the buttons of my blouse slowly.
“Can I fix you something to eat?” he asked, his way of apologizing, I’m sure. I would never hear the words, and he was fighting hard to not show how badly he regretted what he had done.
“No. I just want to take a shower.” I pushed his hands away from me and proceeded to undress myself in front of him. Once my shirt and bra were removed, I turned, giving him a full view of what he had done as I walked to the bathroom. When I looked up at his reflection in the mirror before me, I saw that his hands were rubbing his face in frustration. He turned his back to me and kicked at the air, bringing his hands to his hips in fists and throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling.
“Dallas, I shouldn’t have hit you so hard. I was too mad. I should have waited till I had cooled off some.” There was no apology. He didn’t say he shouldn’t have hit me, only that he should have waited until he wasn’t quite so angry. Yeah, that’s a good way to have me forgiving you, LLC. Good job. I ignored him, turning in the mirror to check myself out and gasped. My wide, shocked, eyes met Luke’s lamenting ones in the mirror for only a moment before I turned my attention back to my very unfortunate buttocks. The welts were not only red and swollen, but badly bruised in a dark purple color. There were even a few tiny beads of blood in one area, where the flesh had been hit numerous times, and the skin was broken.
“How could you do this to me?” I whispered, rubbing my fingers lightly over the bleeding area, removing the few droplets and looking at them more closely, as if they might not be real. Luke didn’t answer, but couldn’t stay away. Even when I tried to push him away, he didn’t leave. He turned me away from him, and inspected me closer. I felt humiliated. Mortified. Ashamed. This was so degrading that I couldn’t even make eye contact with him.
“What can I do to make you feel better?” Still, there was no apology from Luke. I stood there with my back to him, observing the wallpaper designed in perfume bottles as I let the rational side of my brain be heard. Did I deserve this? What would I have done if Luke had betrayed me? If Red had received the same punishment would I have found it demeaning or deserving? I would probably have found it comical, just like I was sure she would when she found out. The reality was, I had got on a plane, with no regard for myself or the people I asked to go with me, to meet a man that had once kidnapped me and my sister. He had also had my husband beaten, forced me to take the life of another man, and just so happened to be the most powerful, evil person I had ever encountered. I was deserving of so much worse than a wounded ass. Luke didn’t owe me an apology because I wasn’t worthy of one. If I thought this was bad, I was sure that what Luke had endured when he found out was much worse. I took a deep breath and met Luke’s eyes in the mirror.