Serena groaned. “Look, can we do this some other time? You’ve made sure I’m alive and well, and I really do have work to catch up on, and I sure as hell don’t want to be late tonight and cause Damon the same grief I caused last night. ”
“But are you well?” Faith asked quietly. “I didn’t get the impression that things were okay yesterday. I’m worried about you, Serena. I’ve worried about you from the start of this. And I’m worried about Damon. I don’t want either of you hurt. ”
“I don’t want us hurt either,” Serena said quietly. “But I’m afraid it might be too late. ”
“Oh, Serena. ” Faith’s unhappy voice filtered over the line. “Do you want me to meet you for lunch?”
“I really appreciate you trying to help, Faith. Really, I do. But this is something I have to work out on my own. ”
“I understand, but I need to say one last thing. If you can’t give Damon what he wants, what he needs, then let him go. ”
Serena stared at the phone for a long time after Faith hung up. Let him go. It sounded so easy. And it should be. Who the hell formed an attachment after only one week?
Okay, it had been longer than a week. But not much, and it was still too soon to feel so deeply for another person.
But that wasn’t what was important. They wanted different things, and not insignificant things like favorite foods or different brands of toothpaste. Damon wanted a woman like Serena had pretended to be for the last week, and he wanted her on a permanent basis.
“Serena?”
Serena looked up to see Carrie standing in her office doorway. She frowned. Carrie had been crying.
“What’s wrong?” she asked sharply.
“Mrs. Tasco just called. ”
“Did something go wrong with the cruise?” Serena asked.
Carrie’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “No, in fact, it was perfect. Mrs. Tasco said she’d never seen Michelle so happy. They were scheduled to return to port today. Michelle died in her sleep last night. ”
Serena went completely still. Her chest hurt as pressure increased.
“They just wanted to say thank you,” Carrie said in a choked voice. “They said Michelle’s last hours were so full of joy and wonder. The princess party you arranged was the highlight of her life. ”
“Find out when funeral arrangements are being made,” Serena said. “Send flowers. ”
Carrie stood there, her expression one of surprise. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“Just do it, Carrie. And if that’s all, I’m really busy right now. ”
Carrie spun around and stalked from Serena’s office, slamming the door behind her. For a long moment, Serena stared at the closed door. Then she dropped her head to her desk, burying her face in her arms.
Her shoulders shook uncontrollably as the tears came. She was fooling herself. What she gave her clients wasn’t real. It wasn’t even a substitute for real. She dealt in games and deception.
She could give a little girl the trappings of being a princess, but she couldn’t give her what mattered most. A long, healthy life with parents who loved her.
Damon was wrong. Dreamers did die. They died every single day.
Damon was sitting in his chair when Serena walked in the door that afternoon. He laid aside his laptop and looked up, prepared to call her over. His welcome died on his lips when he saw her pale, strained face.
She dropped her briefcase by the door and kicked off her shoes almost mechanically. Then she walked slowly toward him, her eyes thick with grief. She looked as though she’d been crying, but she was completely dry-eyed now.
He got to his feet and crossed the room to meet her. As soon he got close, a small cry erupted from her lips and she threw herself in his arms. He gathered her close and held her as sobs cracked from her lips, falling harshly on his ears.
He guided her to the couch, half carrying her and half assisting and then sat, pulling her down onto his lap. “Serena, tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt? What happened?”
She buried her face in his neck and held him tightly, her fingers digging into his skin. Her sobs continued to spill out and so he simply held her, until finally she quieted and lay limply against his chest, her strength drained.
“Serena?”
She tensed and drew in a slight breath, and her body felt small and fragile against his. Dread tightened around his throat because he couldn’t help but know what she was going to say.
“I’m leaving, Damon,” she said in a hoarse, quiet voice. “I tore up the contract. The agreement is done. You’re free. ”
He went still. The pain of her announcement shocked him with its ferocity when it shouldn’t have. He knew it was coming, and yet he felt each word like a serrated edge over his heart.
“Why?” he demanded.
She started to pull away, almost violent in her movements as she sought to free herself from his embrace. But he wouldn’t let her up. No, she would face him and give him the reason, damn it. He wouldn’t make it easy for her when this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to confront.
He gathered her wrists in his hands and held them close to his chest. “Why, Serena? You owe me that much. ”
“I owe you no explanation,” she said in a cold voice. “Either party can terminate the contract at will. ”
“I don’t give a damn about the fucking contract. This isn’t about a piece of goddamn paper, Serena. This is you and me and what we’ve shared, and I deserve to know why you’re throwing it away. ”
“I can’t live a lie any longer,” she whispered. “It hurts. Everything I do is a lie. It’s not real. It can’t be real. I can’t give people what they truly want or need and you aren’t any different. I can’t give you what you need, Damon, so I’m letting you go. ”
He stared at her as the garbled explanation fell from her lips. She pushed herself away from him again, and this time he let her go.
She turned to go but before she took a step, he said her name. She hesitated but didn’t turn around.
“I love you, Serena. ”
This time she stopped. He could see her shoulders trembling, see her fingers ball into fists at her sides.
“Stay,” he said softly.
Slowly, she turned around, devastation written on her face. Her mouth tightened and her throat worked up and down as she swallowed.
“No,” she whispered.
And there it was. The one word she’d never said. The one word he’d told her would free her. His pain was stunning and fierce. The finality of it rolled over him until he could barely stand it.
Her hand flew to her mouth and she made a sound, a wounded, pained sound that an animal might make. And then she ran.
CHAPTER 33
Serena knew she was pushing herself too hard, she knew she was avoiding her friends, and she knew without a doubt that she didn’t have a prayer of ever getting over Damon.
She was a coward, a bitch, and she was heartbroken.
She hadn’t attended Michelle’s funeral. Carrie was livid and had called her heartless. Serena didn’t deny it. If she had any sort of a heart, she wouldn’t have strung Damon along making promises she couldn’t keep. Oh, she hadn’t overtly made any promises, but she’d bought into the whole fantasy. Lost herself in something that wasn’t real. She’d wanted it and wanted it badly.
No, going to the funeral wasn’t something she could handle, but still, she found herself walking slowly toward Michelle’s headstone as the evening shadows lengthened.
Newly dug dirt lay atop the small mound and a huge assortment of flowers decorated the area. Serena’s gaze fell on the shiny stone, still so new, where Michelle’s name was engraved. Tears welled when she saw that below her name her parents had added an inscription.
Always our princess.
Serena knelt and carefully leaned over to place a tiara at the head of the grave.
“If there is any justic
e, you’re reigning in heaven with a pink princess gown, a diamond tiara and a purple scepter,” Serena whispered. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do for you the one thing that mattered most. ”
“But you did. ”
Serena whipped guiltily around and saw Mrs. Tasco standing there, tears shining on her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Serena murmured as she stood. “I didn’t mean to intrude. ” She started to walk away, but Mrs. Tasco touched her arm as she got close.
“Please, don’t go. ”
Serena hesitated, torn between the need to be away before she succumbed to the tears boiling at her eyes and the pain she saw reflected in a mother’s eyes.
“I heard what you said, and you’re wrong. There was nothing anyone could do for Michelle’s health. God knows we tried. We saw countless doctors, tried treatment after treatment, but we knew . . . we knew she didn’t have long. What you did was give a little girl who had known so much pain and sorrow a reason to smile, to laugh, to be happy, even when she knew she was dying. For that, Miss James, you will always have my undying gratitude. ”
Her voice broke on a sob, and she covered her mouth with trembling fingers.
“I can never repay you for the sight of my daughter’s face lit up like a million suns as she danced at her coronation ceremony aboard the cruise ship. Or for the look on her father’s face as he whirled her around the dance floor. ”
She enfolded Serena in her arms and hugged her tightly as sobs racked her frame.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Serena whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough, that it would never be enough.
“Thank you. Thank you from me and her father both. We’ll never forget what you did for our daughter. ”
Serena tried to smile and failed. Mrs. Tasco squeezed her hand and then slowly moved past her and away from the grave site.
A slight breeze blew the tears dry on Serena’s face and none replaced them as she stared back at the tiara sitting in front of the stone.
Realization and death of dreams. Life. She could spout the bullshit about how things were cyclical but it wouldn’t bring her any peace, and it damn sure wouldn’t make her feel better about a little princess who wanted so little and gave so much.
Exhausted and heartsick, she began the walk back to her car. Though it was warm and muggy with barely a breeze to break the oppressive heat, Serena hugged her arms close to her body and put her head down as she walked along the manicured pathway of the cemetery. Her fingers lay over the arm band that Damon had given her, hidden by her sleeve. She hadn’t taken it or the ankle bracelet off. She couldn’t bear to.
When she reached the parking lot, she dug into her jeans pocket for her keys, and when she looked up, she saw Julie and Faith standing by her car.
They didn’t wait for her to react, say hello or go away. They converged, flanking her and wrapping an arm around her waist and shoulders.
“Gray said he and Connor would get your car on their way home,” Faith said as she herded Serena toward her vehicle. “You’re coming with me and Julie even if we have to knock your ass out. ”
When she didn’t even offer an argument, Julie gave her a worried look. “You look exhausted, Serena. When was the last time you slept?”
“I haven’t. ” She closed her eyes to prevent the tears from coming. “Not since I left Damon. ”
Faith sighed and shoved her gently into the front seat.
“Where are you taking me?” Serena asked mildly as Faith slid into the driver’s seat.
Julie leaned up from the backseat. “Well we could call it some hokey bullshit like intervention, but I prefer to call it us kicking your dumb ass. ”
Serena laughed, but it sounded harsh and ugly. She leaned her head against the seat as warm tears left salt trails down her cheeks.
Julie squeezed her arm as Faith backed out of the parking lot. They drove in silence, and Serena kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see the pity or concern in her friends’ eyes. She still had no idea where they were going but if it involved food and sleep, she could certainly deal.
She fell asleep and when she woke again, Faith and Julie were pulling her out of the front seat. As she staggered to her feet, the smell of salt and an ocean breeze wafted gently through her senses.
“Where are we?” she asked as she tried to blink the fog from her eyes.
“Beach house,” Julie said.
Serena frowned as they mounted the steps to the large house. A single light shone from the porch, warm and inviting. “Whose house?”
“Does it matter?” Faith asked in exasperation.
“Guess not,” Serena muttered. “As long as it has food and a pillow. ”
“I’d say it’s about time you started talking about eating and sleeping. You look like you haven’t had either in a week,” Julie said.
Serena sighed. She’d lost count of the days. It didn’t matter.
Faith unlocked the door, and they walked inside. Julie went back out for their bags while Faith plopped Serena down on the couch with instructions to stay.