“Well ladies, now that we know she is gonna be alright, I reckon we better head back,” Stacy said forcing me to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he had not slept in days.
“We will be back first thing in the morning.” I gave him my best attempt at a smile. He squeezed my hand, and ushered Jackie and Gladene out of the room.
“So, how ya feeling?” Red asked pulling up a chair next to my bed. Regg and Kev had taken a seat on the couch on the other side of the room and Gypsy sat across from then in a reclining chair.
“Where is he, Red?” I asked not beating around the bush.
“He couldn’t make it Dallas. He sent us the minute he found out you were sick. I have strict instructions to be at your every beck and call. I even brought my bag to stay with you until you are well enough to travel,” she said as if that were better than him actually being here.
“What do you mean he couldn’t make it?” I tried to sound firm and demanding, but I had no fight in me. I was hollow inside. Him not being here was like someone had sucked the life out of me. He was all the medicine I needed, yet once again he put his club before me and sent someone else to do what he should be doing.
“There is a lot you don’t understand, Dallas,” she said lowering her voice. “This is a tough time for the club and Luke has been trying to handle some things here lately that he can’t just walk away from. I told you before, this club is his life, but you need to know that he would rather be here with you than anywhere else in the world.”
I didn’t believe her. If he wanted to be here he would. She was defending him like she always did, like she always would.
“I know you are upset, but one day you will understand and hopefully appreciate the sacrifices he makes for this club.”
“I don’t give a shit about the club!” I yelled. “He is the one who wanted this. One minute he tells me he loves me and he would do anything for me and then when I really need him he isn’t here. I can’t take this, Red. I have given up everything for him. I’m not even the same person anymore and what has he given to me? Huh? Tell me Red! Tell me what sacrifices he has made for me and our relationship. I’m with him not the club.” Tears streamed down my face as I fought to keep my shallow breathing under control.
“He is the club, Dallas. I know you don’t understand this now, but I hope you will soon.” I could see the pained look on Red’s face. I knew I shouldn’t take it out on her, but I had to take it out on someone and since Luke wasn’t here, she would have to suffice.
“Look darlin’, we know you are upset, but believe me, he wanted to be here. There are some things that were planned a long time ago, shit that was set in stone and he had to be there to sign off on it. I promise you as soon as he can get away, he will be here,” Regg said from the foot of my bed.
I had not even realized he had walked up. His words put me somewhat at ease, but still left me feeling empty.
Jenn came to sit next to Red and held my hand in hers. “I have known Luke for years and I have never seen him as smitten with someone as he is with you. Trust us when we tell you that he wants to be here. I know this is a lot to take in and we have all been through it, but we are your family and we will help you get through this. By this, I don’t just mean the sickness. I mean everything. We are here for you.”
Jenn reminded me of a motherly figure and just her soft voice and warm caresses on my hand had me feeling better about the whole ordeal. I needed to think this over and my eyelids were getting heavier with each passing second. I would sleep on it and maybe by tomorrow I would have some kind of conclusion to this fucked up life style I had decided to live by. Unable to respond I just nodded my head at them and closed my eyes. Sleep-I just needed a few hours of sleep and I would be fine.
I woke to someone shaking me and calling my name.
“Dallas, Dallas come on, wake up.” I opened my eyes and saw a girl I didn’t recognize standing next to my bed. She looked worried and very anxious.