Shit. Is this guy psychic?
He nods. “I got it right, didn’t I?”
“Uh…”
“Did something happen? She was here yesterday looking for you but seemed troubled.”
He resumes digging into the potato chips, bag crinkling in a way that’s almost triggering as one of my pet peeves.
Ugh, the sound!
“I wouldn’t say something happened, no.” On the contrary, something didn’t happen—her orgasm.
And by now she must be on to the fact that I’m avoiding her; if she’s stopping by to see me and I’m not returning any of her calls or text messages—this is indeed a problem.
One I’m too chickenshit to resolve.
Sex is a big fucking deal, and I blew it.
Literally.
I probably came off as a selfish, greedy asshole. Should I have gotten her off after I climaxed? Why did I just roll over and pretend to die?
Why didn’t I give her an orgasm—what is my fucking problem?
“Mate?” Jack is staring at me from his place on the sofa. “Did the two of you have a row?”
“Not…exactly.”
His hand is buried in the bag as he cocks his head, fishing out some chips then slowly putting them into his mouth, one by one as he thinks.
“Then what could she be cross about?” He crunches loudly. Pauses. “Wait. Bloody hell, did you shag?”
That settles it—Jack has psychic abilities.
I don’t know what to tell him; do I admit it or deny it? Either way, I’m screwed. He’s going to have questions—and though I definitely need answers and advice, I’m certainly not ready to admit I’m a failure in the sack.
“Erm…”
He smacks his knee like an old codger. “I bloody knew it. I told Eliza you were shagging when we came home from the party Friday night, but she didn’t believe me. Kept going on about Lilly being on a guy detox and giving up dick for good.” Crunch, crunch. “Told her that couldn’t possibly be right or you wouldn’t have had your door closed.”
He’s not wrong, but it’s still weird he hit the nail on the head.
“Did something happen?”
Now is the time to confess that I was unable to fulfill Lilly sexually. Do guys talk about this shit with each other? Will he think I’m nuts for bringing it up?
“Not per se?”
“But…” He licks his fingers again, seemingly done eating junk food in favor of listening to me. “There is more to this story—I can feel it.”
I squirm in my spot uncomfortably then unenthusiastically admit, “Yeah, there is more.”
He waits.
And waits. Then, “For bloody sake, do I have to pry the details out of you?”
YES BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO SAY THEM OUT LOUD!
“I thought the pair of you were getting on brilliantly. Did something happen?” he asks again in an urging way, but he also sticks his hand back into the bag, setting off a frenzy of bag sounds.
It’s very distracting.
“Did. Something. Happen?” The way Jack is eyeing me up, there is no need to deny it. He knows. I don’t think he would have heard Lilly and me through the walls—we weren’t loud—but if she’s been coming around and asking about me…it only makes sense that he would suspect something is off between the two of us.
Jack is a smart dude.
Not as smart as I am, but intelligent.
Emotional intelligence.
He possesses much more than I have apparently.
“I wouldn’t say something happened as much as I would say it happened…too soon.”
He stares blankly, chip in hand. “What’s that mean?”
Let’s see, how do I put this?
Jack chomps.
Why is he eating chips at a time like this? It’s making me anxious.
“Does this have anything to do with shagging?”
“Yes?”
“Thought so.” His nod is authoritative, just like he is.
“Couldn’t get it up?”
“What? NO! I mean, yes I could get it up.”
“Oh.” Why does he look disappointed? “Couldn’t get her wet?”
Oh she was wet enough alright…
“That wasn’t the problem.”
He thinks, and I can see his mind working, putting the few clues I’ve given him together, clicking the pieces into place.
“Don’t tell me you…” His voice trails off as if he can’t possibly finish. “That you…you know.” He flicks his gaze and his hand toward the dick lying limply between my legs.
I don’t know.
He could be referring to any number of things. “Eh?”
“Are you going to make me say it?”
“Probably—I’m not sure what you’re alluding to.” Although he’s been spot-on until this point, so why wouldn’t he guess that I couldn’t satisfy Lilly?
“You blew your load too soon?”
I feel my face turn crimson red, the urge to stand up and bolt from the room strong.
“Blink twice if I’m right,” my roommate says with a grimace. “Are you still breathing, old chap?”
I force myself to nod. “Barely.”
“Don’t be embarrassed—happens to the best of us.”
I raise my head. “Does it?”
“Well, no—not usually. But it does happen, I’m sure of it.”
I groan, resting my face in the palm of my hands. “Fuck.”
“Hey, no worries, mate—you’re in good hands. I give stellar advice, know a thing or two about the ladies.” He pauses. “Not because I’ve been with a slew of them, but because my ex-girlfriend was such a twat and hated sex so much I made it my mission to pleasure her.”