He didn’t need to hear it.
He knew.
He knew it was all he could ever be.
Chapter 19
“You smell like Westcliff.”
Jules froze with his spoon halfway to his mouth. Putting it down, he darted a look at his brother across the table, hoping his face didn’t betray the discomfort he felt. Though, “discomfort” didn’t seem to be an adequate word to describe the mix of guilt and anxiety that had settled in the pit of his stomach ever since he’d left Westcliff in the drawing room.
The worst part was, he didn’t feel guilty for what they’d done. He felt guilty for not feeling guilty. Fuck, he felt like a terrible person. Liam might not love Westcliff, but he still wanted to marry him. That had to mean something, right? He should have felt guilty. Except the irrational part of him, his omega side, saw nothing wrong with what they’d done—Westcliff felt like his alpha—and there was no use trying to apply logic to feelings.
“So he did call on me while I was out,” Liam said. “I knew he’d come begging forgiveness soon enough. He needs me.”
Jules frowned, his discomfort forgotten for a moment. “What do you mean? He’s a royal duke. He doesn’t need to marry you in particular. He could marry anyone.”
“Don’t be naive,” Liam said, shaking his head. “When it’s announced that Westcliff is taking the crown away from Prince Haydn, there will likely be huge protests all over the kingdom. People aren’t going to be happy with a Xeus stealing the crown from the rightful heir—at least who they see as the rightful heir. Westcliff is going to need a publicity boost, something positive to have people talking. I’m the most desirable, sought-after omega in the country—”
“And the most modest,” Jules said, rolling his eyes with long-suffering fondness. He loved his brother, but he could be so vain. But then again, was it vanity when it was the truth?
“—and Westcliff has been courting me for a while,” Liam continued. “Our supposed romance is one of the most popular topics in the country. People are invested in it. If Westcliff marries me, it will give him a much-needed boost in the approval ratings. If he suddenly switches his attentions to someone else, it’ll only ruin his reputation instead of helping him: he’ll be seen as fickle and irresponsible, which would only confirm people’s opinions on Xeus alphas. So yeah, Westcliff can’t really afford to change his mind.” Liam took a sip of his tea. “I do feel for him, you know. I do understand that it’s a very difficult situation. I’m not being cruel just for the sake of it. But I won’t put up with my future husband treating me like a pretty piece of furniture and completely ignoring my opinion. So he’ll have to apologize—sincerely—before I allow him to continue our courtship.”
Jules looked down at his tea before bringing the cup to his mouth. He took a long sip, fighting the irrational irritation and dislike he suddenly felt toward his brother. Liam hadn’t said anything wrong. His attitude was rational and very logical. Devlin wasn’t his. He had no right to feel so possessive.
But how could he convince himself of that when he could still smell Devlin on his own skin? When he could still feel the bruises on his hips, the pleasant tenderness between his legs? When every time his thoughts strayed, they strayed toward what had happened a few hours ago? It was impossible.
“Don’t you want more than a political marriage?” Jules said, without looking at Liam. “It all seems very cold and impersonal, Li.”
His brother sighed. “Obviously I wanted a love match,” he said after a moment, picking at his salad. His voice was quiet, a little defeated. “But I’ve met countless alphas this season, Jules. Thousands. Most of them were titled and rich, some were very handsome. But there’s no… no spark, you know? I felt nothing. None of the insane attraction described in the books.” Liam scoffed. “Apparently they are full of shit.”
Jules wished he could agree.
“So yeah,” Liam said. “If I have to settle for an alpha I don’t love, I might as well get the best one.” He shrugged with a rueful smile. “I figured there’s a higher chance to eventually fall in love with my spouse if they’re hot, handsome, and filthy rich. So Westcliff it is.” He paused, as if only now remembering something, before shooting Jules an uncomfortable look. “Your crush on him isn’t serious, right?”
Jules forced a smile. “You’re the second person to ask that today. By the way, thanks for telling Westcliff about my crush.”
Liam flushed. “My intentions were good,” he said stiffly. “The way he behaves with you is almost cruel, considering... I told him about your crush because I didn’t want you to get false hopes and end up hurt.”