He was perfect.
I don’t know how long I stayed there, wondering about his story, about why he had so much emotion, so much loneliness, almost with the way he sang.
Was it his scandal?
Was he depressed?
I wanted so badly to tell him to talk to someone, but every time I brought it up to Solia, she ignored me until I just stopped saying something.
In less than a week, I’d been silenced by her whenever it came to Lucas and getting him a therapist.
His voice lowered.
My chest ached a bit as I swayed to the last parts of the music.
“I could lie…” he ended, voice cracking.
I jumped a foot when he suddenly appeared at the door, staring down at me with hatred dripping from his eyes.
His low-slung black sweats and blue tank top were rumpled. His red hair was a mess like he’d been both singing and running his hands through it.
“I didn’t—” I started, then remembered my language app and, with shaking hands, tapped it then spoke into it. “I didn’t mean— I just— it was so beautiful. I wanted to give you privacy.”
He leaned down on his haunches and held out his hand. I gave him my phone as he spoke into the app in Korean then translated it. “And yet you didn’t. Do this again, and you’re fired.”
I gasped when he threw the phone at me, hard enough I had to scramble to catch it.
I burst into tears when he left.
Was I wrong to listen? Maybe, but why was he so mean? Why?
I wiped the tears and stood, suddenly numb as I made my way back to my room and closed the door.
This job wasn’t what I’d thought.
But I wouldn’t quit.
I couldn’t.
I felt my favorite parts about myself, my confidence, my easy-going personality… slip away under the pressure of SWT and under the scrutiny of the public eye along with the hatred of Lucas, and I hated it. Even as an intern, I hated that I wanted a way out and couldn’t find it.
And all I could think of was how must they feel being under the microscope, and why the hell should I be feeling sorry for myself when they had it so much worse?
Chapter Nine
Numb is normal
Grace
Dance practice.
Voice lessons.
Interviews.
Shove food into everyone’s faces, grab coffee.
Rinse.
Repeat.
My eyes had dark circles under them. The more I tried, the more Lucas pushed. The more Rae told me to try harder. The more Kai scowled. The more Sookie and Jay looked like they felt sorry for me, like they wanted to help me but had no time to even begin to.
“Grace?” Solia tapped her pen against my arm. “Did you hear what I said?”
“No. Sorry.” I tried not to yawn. How was she dressed in this chic black dress and high heels when I had trouble putting on a T-shirt the right way today?
She sighed. “Pay attention. The MV drops days before the actual comeback stage, and they’ll be doing a reaction video of the MV with another celebrity before that as a teaser. You need to go pick him up, all right? The guys are already there since it’s the same location as their last interview. The other idol had some issues with his manager. Long story short, he’s going to be leaving his agency—breathe a word of this, and you’re fired—”
I held up my hands in surrender.
“So, we offered to pick him up since the contract ends in another day, and it’s ridiculous for him to have to drive himself.”
“All right.” I stood on shaky legs. I hadn’t really eaten all day and was learning how to survive off caffeine and protein bars. “So, is it close?”
“He’s actually just finished shooting a drama, so you can pick him up on set. He knows the van, just wait at the address I gave you and bring him straight here.”
“Got it.” I nodded and literally had to keep my yawn in again.
“Good.” She was all business, with her low ponytail and perfect stained lips. How did she even do that? I asked once, and she said, “lip stain,” as if that was an answer. “Head off, and remember the guys have the day after tomorrow off before things get even busier and more intense.”
How? How could they possibly get any busier?
My mom had FaceTimed me a dozen times, but I couldn’t face her or my dad. I felt so stupid and like such a failure.
“Well?” Solia frowned. “Are you going?”
“Oh yes, sorry…” I looked back at the interview SWT was doing. It was a podcast with Dive Studios; it made me smile. The guys seemed relaxed, which was nice, I guessed. They’d just started the interview, and Rae was talking. He seemed genuinely happy like all of this was worth it. His eyes met mine briefly; he nodded, and I felt like he’d just given me a trophy.