“And she loves you.”
Pippa sighed and then rose from the couch. “Not to be rude, Ash, but I need to do this before I end up losing my nerve. I just want to get it over with so I don’t have to live with unnecessary stress.”
“Get your coat, then. We’ll ride together over to Cam’s office and then I’ll have the driver take me home.”
“Thanks, Ash. For everything. For holding my hand and being with me so I didn’t have to do this alone.”
Ashley hugged her again. “I seem to remember a time when you held my hand a lot longer.”
“Okay, let’s do this,” Pippa said as she went for her coat.
* * *
Cam sat staring out his office window. There was a mixture of rain, sleet and snow, although soon the temperatures would drop enough that it would turn entirely to snow. His mood was as foul as the weather.
He’d largely ignored work even though he’d been a steady presence in the office. He sat in on meetings with Devon and their other two business partners and friends, Rafael de Luca and Ryan Beardsley. Their newest hotel, the flagship resort for the newly formed merger between Tricorp and Copeland Hotels, was coming along at a rapid pace. Things were on the upswing. He should be on top of the world.
But the past weeks had been the worst sort of hell as he tortured himself with the thought of Pippa being pregnant. The thought that she wasn’t taking care of herself, that something would happen.
Worry, guilt and anxiety had taken over his every waking moment and his dreams, as well. And he only had himself to blame. He should have never given in to such temptation. He damn sure should have been more careful with the birth control. He should have just left Pippa the hell alone.
Then he wouldn’t be sitting here feeling gutted with worry over losing something precious for the second time in his life.
The fact that he hadn’t heard from her should have reassured him. Because if she was pregnant, he would have heard. She’d promised to let him know, and he trusted her to do that. Nothing about her had led him to believe otherwise.
But the longer he went hearing nothing, the crazier he got.
It had become a regular habit since their night together for him to reach into his desk drawer—the only one he locked—and pull out a small folding picture frame.
It contained two photos. One of Elise and one of Colton.
He stood staring at them now, his fingers tracing the lines of Elise’s smiling face. Colton was merely a day old in his picture. Tiny. Wrinkled. Still red and he had a misshapen cone head, but Cam had never seen such a beautiful sight in his life.
All these years later, just looking at the two people he’d loved and lost had the power to stop him breathing.
He couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t bear it. He didn’t want to set himself up for that kind of agony. He’d never wished for anything as hard as he wished for Pippa not to be pregnant.
With each day that passed without him hearing from her, some of his tension eased. He could breathe a little easier.
She wasn’t pregnant. He had to believe that.
His secretary buzzed him, interrupting his thoughts.
“Mr. Hollingsworth, there is a young woman here to see you. She doesn’t have an appointment.”
“Did you get her name?” Cam asked impatiently.
His secretary put him on hold to inquire. Why the hell hadn’t she asked already? He was about to tell her he wasn’t to be disturbed when she came back on.
“Pippa Laingley. She seems sure you’ll agree to see her.”
There was a disdainful sniff in Mrs. Milton’s voice that told Cam she’d probably already tried to get rid of Pippa.
“She would be right. Send her in at once.”
Cam shot to his feet, his gut in knots as he fixed his gaze on the door. A moment later, Pippa showed herself in, pausing at the threshold as she searched the room for him.
He watched her closely, examining her every nuance, searching for a sign that she was in some way…different. His hands knotted into tight fists but he kept them behind his desk, not wanting her to see how on edge he was. His instinct was to go to her. He wanted to haul her into his arms and hold on tight. Promise her that things would be all right. But he’d learned long ago that nobody could make those promises.
He had to play this cool if he had a prayer of making it through this encounter.
“Pippa,” he greeted. “Sit down. Please. Would you like something to drink?”
As she drew closer, he could see the paleness of her features. The shadows under her eyes. She even looked as though she’d lost weight. With sudden guilt, he realized the past weeks had been far more stressful for her than they had been for him.
“I hope I’m not interrupting something important,” she said quietly. “I had to come and see you right away.”
The knot grew larger in his stomach and he swallowed hard so his voice wouldn’t crack.
“Not at all. I’m all yours. What would you like to discuss?”
He cringed at the obliviousness in his tone. No one was that stupid. Denial didn’t make everything go away. Dread mounted with every breath until he wanted to just yell at her to say what it was she wanted to say.
“I’m pregnant,” she said baldly.
Something inside him withered and died. Dismay weighed down on him like the heaviest of burdens. Grief welled deep in his chest and he stood there, motionless, because if he so much as twitched, he’d crack and crumble right there in front of her.
Finally managing to find his voice and his composure, he asked, “Are you certain?” But he knew she was. There was no denying the truth in her eyes. If only he could go back.
She nodded grimly, then hesitated. “As certain as I can be without a doctor’s confirmation. I took a drugstore test. They’re supposed to be ninety-nine percent accurate, or something like that.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sure it’s right. We knew it was a distinct possibility.”
She stood there, her hands shoved into her coat, her uneasiness obvious.
“Are you all right? Have you been well?”
He hated the distance in his voice even as he embraced it, wanted it. He didn’t want the intimacy that two people who’d created a child should have and enjoy. He hated that she’d already adamantly turned down his offer—or rather, his demand—that she move in with him. Not that he could blame her. He was certain he came across as some unbalanced freak. Pushing her away, then yanking her back.
But as badly as he didn’t want to allow himself any sort of closeness with her, he had to be certain she was provided for. That she had everything she needed, the best medical care, emotional and physical support. He couldn’t have anything happen to her…their…his child. Never again.
Maybe it was the coldness of the arrangement that had put her off. Maybe s
he wanted…more. He cringed even as he thought it, but marriage? Maybe it was the best solution. A practical solution. She’d certainly benefit and he’d get what he most wanted. Peace of mind.
“I’m just tired. And worried,” she admitted. “It will be better now, regardless. It’s just a relief to finally know so that decisions can be made.”
Alarm skittered up his neck, prickling every one of the hairs. “Decisions? What kind of decisions?”
She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. He really wished she’d take that damn coat off but he wasn’t certain he wanted her to stay. He damn sure knew he didn’t want her to leave. What a mess this entire situation was.
Deciding to take charge, he took a step back from his desk and turned sideways, keeping her in sight. “We have a lot to work out. I will have a lawyer draw up papers. We should think about living arrangements.”
She held up a hand to stop the flow of conversation. Her other hand went to her temple and rubbed even as she shook her head.
“I refuse to have any sort of a conversation about my future or your future or the baby’s future in some damn office where who knows what can be overheard. I’m still struggling to come to terms with this. I just thought you should know, so that maybe you’d have time to come to grips with this, as well. I thought we could talk later. After we’ve both had time to think. I just… I just needed to tell you. I couldn’t wait.”
“I don’t think—”
She raised her gaze to meet his and her eyes sparked with quick anger. “I don’t care what you think. I’m going now. If you’d like to discuss this later, you can come to my apartment. Right now I’m going to have lunch. Alone. I’ll be home by six.”
If she’d just been snappish and churlish he probably would have wanted to wring her neck. But what he saw was a woman valiantly trying to maintain control. She was rattled—every bit as rattled as he was—and it looked as if she would shatter at any moment.
He couldn’t push her. It would be unconscionable. Even as the thought of allowing her to walk out without having anything settled made his stomach knot. It was all he could do to slowly nod his agreement.
“All right,” he said quietly. “I’ll be at your apartment at six. Don’t worry about dinner. I’ll bring something.”
Seven
It shouldn’t have surprised Pippa to find Cam waiting for her on the stoop of her apartment, but when she looked up and saw him there, her eyes widened in shock. Then she checked her watch, wondering if she’d lost more time than she’d thought on the walk home. But nope, he was just really damn early.
He was wearing a long coat, but no hat or scarf, and his hair was damp from the drizzle that still couldn’t decide on whether it wanted to be snow or not. His mouth was drawn into a grim line, but his expression softened when he saw her. She could swear she saw relief glimmering in his eyes.
She quickly dug into her pocket for her keys and mounted the steps. He moved to the side, frowning as she fumbled with the lock.
“Did you walk all this way?”
She pushed open the door, welcoming the instant warmth. Cam came in behind her and helped her with her coat before removing his. She started to take them, but he shook his head and asked, “Where do you want them?”
She gestured toward the closet door. “There is fine.”
She waited until he’d finished and then led him into the living room.
“You didn’t answer my question. Did you walk all the way home in the rain? It’s frigid out there.”
“Just the last ten blocks. I rode with Ashley to your office and then hopped a cab to the restaurant where I had lunch. There was little sense in getting one home since it’s so close.”