Hot and cold. She could never figure out where she stood with him and it pissed her off. One thing she knew for certain—she wasn’t going to wait around forever while he got his act together.
Fifteen
Cam drove past Pippa’s café to see the open sign go out and lights start to flicker off inside. He gave the voice command to dial Pippa’s cell and then turned to circle the block.
After a few rings, she answered, her breathless voice doing odd things to his insides.
“I’ll just be a minute,” she said by way of greeting.
“No hurry. I’m circling the block. I’ll pull up so you can just come out.”
He maneuvered the SUV through traffic and waited for the light to turn so he could turn back onto her street. He tapped his thumbs impatiently on the steering wheel and he realized that he was anxious to see her again.
It didn’t compute. He had this sick love-hate relationship going on. He wanted to be as far from her as possible. She made him nervous. She looked at him like she could see right past the front he put on.
At the same time, when he was away even a short period of time, he got anxious. He needed to know she was okay, that she had everything she needed. That she was safe. And hell, if he was honest, he just wanted to see her again.
He had to let go of his pain. He had to move on. But how did one ever just decide that sort of thing? At what point did the hurting stop? At what point did one stop being gripped by paralyzing fear over the thought of losing someone you cared about?
He didn’t have the answers, and until he did, this thing between him and Pippa would never work. He didn’t want it to work.
Which didn’t explain why he was circling the block, anxious to see her again. It made no sense. He should be at home. He should have never apologized, though he certainly owed her the apology and more. But he should have let it go, allowed her to remain angry with him. In the end it was kinder to both of them. A clean break. No remorse. No recriminations. No dragging it out only to rehash it all again later.
But he wanted to see her. He wanted… He wanted her. On his own terms. He recognized the selfishness of it and yet he couldn’t stop himself from craving her. In or out of bed. It mattered little to him. He just wanted to be near her because, God help him, he felt more alive whenever she walked into a room.
He slowed as he approached her shop and leaned forward to see if she was waiting. She was at her door, locking up, the wind blowing through her dark hair. Then she turned and he was struck by the picture she presented. Young, vibrant, beautiful.
She saw him and waved, her face lighting up with a gorgeous smile. She hurried forward, one hand cupped to her belly and the other hanging on to her purse. He stopped and leaned over to push open the door for her. She climbed in, melted into the seat with a sweet sigh and then turned that dazzling smile on him.
It was like being kicked in the stomach.
“It is sooo nice to be off my feet,” she said.
Blinking, he realized he was sitting still while angry horns beeped behind him. He eased off the brake and drove away, listening as she talked in animated fashion about her day and how amazing the turnout had been.
His blood hummed with desire. With need. He wanted her. He didn’t want to want her.
He couldn’t process a single rational thought.
Suddenly the thought of spending so much time in a restaurant didn’t appeal. She looked tired. He was impatient. He needed to have her to himself.
“Change in plans,” he said gruffly as he turned left so he could circle back to her apartment.
She roused from her semistupor and shot him an inquisitive glance. “What’s up? You standing me up?”
He smiled at the growl in her voice. “Oh, no, far from it. What I’m doing is taking you back to your place so you can put your feet up on the couch while I order us the best damn steak money can buy. Then I’m going to take you to bed, give you an all-over body massage and make love to you until you pass out.”
Her eyes widened and then she blinked, momentarily speechless. “Well, okay,” she finally said.
He smiled in satisfaction at her acceptance. It was more than okay.
* * *
When Pippa let them into her apartment, the air was electric and heavy with anticipation. She wouldn’t even meet his gaze because she was sure she was an open book, and hey, a woman had to have some mystery, right?
Only it wasn’t a mystery that she wanted him. Or that from the moment he’d laid out his plans for the evening she’d become a quivering ball of anticipation.
She walked ahead of him into the living room, her step lighter than it had been all day. Her fatigue had fled and she felt energized. Ready.
Her skin prickled with tiny goose bumps every time he so much as looked her way. It felt like her very first date. Her very first kiss. The first time she’d ever gotten naked in front of a man. She wasn’t sure whether she liked it or not.
“Why don’t you sit and relax,” he said. “I can find my way around your apartment. I’ll phone in our order and get things started. Would you like something to drink?”
This suddenly very solicitous side of Cam was confusing the hell out of her. She liked this new Cam very, very much and she could get used to it.
It wasn’t as if he was never generous with her. Quite the opposite. He went to great lengths to take care of her needs but he did so as impersonally as possible.
But now his caring seemed very personal. She didn’t know if this was a further attempt to make up for walking out of the sonogram or if he was genuinely softening toward her. Who the hell knew with him?
“I’ll take a bottled water. There’s one in the fridge,” she said as she settled on the couch.
She propped her feet on the ottoman and groaned in sheer pleasure. She leaned her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes while she listened to him putter around the kitchen. Then she heard the rumble of his voice as he placed their dinner order. A moment later, he returned to the living room and handed her the drink.
“Thank you.”
“Your grand opening was quite the success,” he said.
He took a seat in her armchair and propped his feet just inches from hers.
“I owe a lot of my opening day success to you. Maybe all of it.”
He shook his head. “I gave you a place but it was your talent and hard work that made it happen.”
“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot. I’ve been working toward this for a very long time.”
He put his hands behind his head and cupped his nape. “Have you thought about what you’ll do after the baby is born?”
She cocked her head to the side and glanced questioningly at him. “What do you mean?”
“Will you keep your current schedule or will you employ others to run the shop so that you have more time with our son?”
For a moment she couldn’t respond. She was too struck by the reference to their son. And she was reminded that she and Cam weren’t a couple. Of course he would wonder what arrangements she’d made because he wasn’t going to be there on a 24/7 basis.
It shocked her how much that hurt. How much she wanted it to be different.
“I haven’t decided yet,” she said slowly. “A lot will depend on how the café is doing and if I can afford to hire more help. I have to train my assistant so that she can duplicate my recipes while I’m out on maternity leave. But I can’t close down. That’s not even an option.”
“Of course not. If you’ll allow me to help, I can certainly put some feelers out. We have a number of pastry chefs that work in our various hotels. I’m sure we could loan one to you for a few weeks.”
She stared back at him, mouth open. “Cam, you guys own five-star resorts. There is no way I could afford to pay even three weeks’ wages to a world-class pastry chef like the ones you guys employ.”
“He or she would of course remain on our payroll.”
She sighed. “I can?
?t keep relying on you, Cam. I’m only setting myself up to fail miserably. What you’ve done is so wonderful and so helpful but it also skews the results. When all your support goes away, I’ll be left in a lurch.”
He frowned. “No one says it’s going away.”
“I say it’s going away,” she said gently. “I have to make a go of this myself, Cam.”
He didn’t argue, although she had the distinct feeling that he hadn’t dropped the subject for good. Then a completely unrelated thought struck her.
“I didn’t frame my first dollar.”
He blinked in surprise and then seemed puzzled by her dismay.
Her lips turned down into a frown. “You’re supposed to frame the first dollar you make. You know, when you start a business. You didn’t do that with yours?”
“Hell, Pippa, your first sale was probably a debit card purchase. Nobody carries cash anymore. You could always frame the credit card receipt.”
She pulled a face. “You’re such a party pooper. You don’t have your first dollar?”
He shrugged. “I still have my first million.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. Does money mean anything at all to you or has it lost its value?”
“Of course it means something.” He scowled, making her almost want to giggle. “It means I can support our child and you. It means I can live comfortably and not worry about where my next meal is coming from. It means you don’t have to worry about your lack of health insurance.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, I was being a snot. It was an unfair jab. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not out blowing my cash if that’s what you were wondering.”
Her cheeks warmed and she glanced away. “No, I was just stereotyping you and being flip. I really didn’t mean anything by it. People who don’t have a lot of money tend to not really understand people who do have money. Or their attitude toward money.”
He lifted one eyebrow. “I hope you’re not implying I’m a snob.”
“No,” she said truthfully. “I truly don’t think you’re a snob. You can be a first-class jerk, but not a snob.”
He shot her a glare and she snickered.
The doorbell interrupted and Cam quickly rose to go answer. A moment later, he came back, followed by a delivery person who set up the food on the coffee table. The young man smiled at Pippa and then he and Cam disappeared from the living room once more.
She waited, sniffing appreciatively at the mouthwatering aroma floating from the covered plates. She’d leaned over to take a quick peek when Cam admonished her from the doorway.
“Not so fast.”
She yanked back guiltily.