“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
She smiled. “Oh. Well, that’s okay because I’m terrible at it, too.”
He smiled back at her and then tossed the vegetables into the pan he’d taken the meat out of. “We can be terrible together then.”
“Yeah,” she said quietly.
He busied himself finishing up the meal and five minutes later, he set a plate in front of her while he stood on the other side of the bar, leaning back against the sink while he held his plate.
She looked up and frowned. “Not going to sit down?”
“I like watching you,” he said as his gaze slid over her face. “I’d prefer to be across from you.”
Her cheeks warmed and she quickly looked back down at her plate. She had no response for that. It puzzled her that he’d say such a thing.
But maybe he was trying. Like she was trying. Just as she would be trying as she embarked on her to do list the next day.
It wouldn’t happen overnight, but maybe…one day.
Thirteen
Ashley woke with a muggy hangover feeling but then who wouldn’t after two days in a medication-induced coma?
Today was the first day in her bid to take over the world. Well, sort of. Or rather it was her attempt to not take on the world quite so much. Reserve and caution were her two new friends.
There would be no more lying around and feeling sorry for herself.
Devon had exited the apartment early. The previous night had been a study in awkwardness.
He’d crawled into bed next to her and they’d lain quietly in the dark until finally she’d drifted off to a troubled sleep. Sometime during the night, he’d drifted toward her, or maybe she’d attacked him in her sleep. Either way, she’d ended up in his arms and had awakened when he’d gotten up early to shower.
He’d kissed her on the head and murmured for her to go back to sleep before leaving her alone.
“Welcome to your new reality,” she murmured as she pushed herself out of bed.
She spent her entire time in the shower lecturing herself on how her situation was what she made of it. It could be horrible or she could salvage it. It was just according to how much effort she wanted to invest in her own happiness. Put that way, she could hardly say to hell with it and stomp off.
She winced when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She looked bad. Not in one of those ways where she really didn’t look so bad but said so anyway. She honestly looked like death warmed over. There were dark circles under her eyes. There was a line around her mouth from having her jaw set so firmly. Her unhappiness was etched on her face for the world to see. She’d never been good at hiding any kind of emotion. She was as transparent as plastic wrap.
Thank goodness for Carly and her never-ending list of tips for any type of makeup emergency. This definitely called for the full treatment.
When she was finished with her hair and makeup she was satisfied to see that at least she didn’t look quite so haggard. Tired, yes, but that could easily be explained away by the headache. Surely an ecstatic new bride would smile her way through even the worst of migraines.
First stop was her mother’s, since if Gloria Copeland didn’t soon hear from her chick, she’d move Manhattan to get there to make sure all was well. After that was tackled, she had work to do. A lot of work.
She took a cab over to her former apartment building and smiled when Alex hurried to greet her.
“How are you, Miss Ashley? How is married life treating you?”
It was a standard question that would likely be asked of her a hundred more times before the week was out. Right after the one where most people would ask her why the hell she was back home after only two nights on her honeymoon.
“I’m good, Alex. Here to see my mother. Will you ring up and let her know I’m on my way?”
A moment later, Ashley stepped off the elevator and into the spacious apartment that very nearly occupied an entire floor. It was where she had spent a large portion of her childhood and it still felt like home to her no matter that she’d moved out on her own some time ago.
“Ashley, darling!” her mother cried as she hurried to greet her daughter. “Oh, you poor, poor darling. Come here and let me see you. Is your headache better? I knew there was simply too much excitement going on with the wedding and your moving and all the other plans. I worried it would prove to be too much for you. We should have spaced out the arrangements better.”
Her mom enveloped her in a hug and for a long moment, Ashley clung to the comfort that only a mother could offer when her world was otherwise crap.
“Ashley?” her mother asked in a concerned, hushed tone when they finally pulled apart. “Is everything all right? Come, sit down. You don’t even look like yourself today.”
Ashley allowed herself to be pulled over to the comfortable leather couch. It smelled like home. She settled back and immediately burrowed into the corner, allowing the familiarity to surround her like a blanket.
“I’m fine, Mama. Really. I think you were right. There’s been so much excitement and stress that when we finally got to St. Angelo I just crashed. Poor Devon was stuck taking care of me while I was insensible from the medication.”
“As he should have. I’m glad he took good care of my baby for me. Are you feeling better now? You’re pale and there are dark smudges under your eyes.”
So much for Carly’s awesome makeup tips.
“I’m better. I just wanted to come over so you wouldn’t worry. I have to go back soon. There’s a lot I need to do in our apartment to get everything squared away.”
Her mom patted her on the arm. “Of course. But first, let me fix you a nice cup of hot tea.”
“Spiced tea?” Ashley asked hopefully.
Her mother smiled. “With a peppermint.”
Ashley sighed and relaxed into the couch, more than willing to allow her mom to fuss over her and baby her before she crawled back into the real world. If only manufacturers could package a mom’s TLC into a box of bandages, they’d make millions.
Think of the marketing opportunities. Life sucks? Slap a mom bandage on and everything’s instantly better.
A few minutes later, Ashley’s mother returned carrying a tray that she set on the coffee table in front of Ashley. She handed her a cup of steaming tea and then unwrapped a peppermint that Ashley dropped into the bottom.
Ashley studied her mom as she settled back onto the couch, her own cup of tea in hand. “Mom? What happened between you and dad?”
Her mom reacted in surprise and cast Ashley a startled glance as she set her teacup back on its saucer. “Whatever do you mean, darling?”
“When you separated that time. I never asked because honestly I wanted to forget it ever happened. But now that I’m married… I just wanted to know. You two have always seemed so in love.”
Her mother’s eyes softened and she leaned forward to put her cup down on the coffee table. Then she turned and gathered Ashley’s free hand in hers.
“It’s natural for you to worry about those things now that you’re married yourself. But darling, don’t dwell on them.”
“I know, but it just seems like that if it could happen to you and Daddy that it could happen to anyone. Was he having an affair? Did you forgive him?”
“Oh, good Lord, no!” She sighed and shook her head. “I know it was difficult for you and Eric, but especially for you. I never imagined that you’d think something like that, though. I should have guessed. I was so determined not to drag you children into our mess and thought I was doing the best thing by protecting you from any of the details. I can see I was wrong.”
“What happened then?” Ashley asked softly.
“Oh it sounds so silly now. But back then I was convinced that my marriage was over. Your father was doing what he’s always done. The difference was, suddenly it wasn’t good enough for me. I began to worry. Maybe it’s normal to go through
a stage where you question what you want out of a relationship or worry that perhaps your partner doesn’t love or value you anymore. Your father was working a lot of long hours. He was traveling constantly. You and Eric were adults and were going your own way and suddenly I found myself feeling quite alone and no longer valuable.”
“Oh, Mama. I wish I had known,” Ashley said unhappily. “That sounds so very awful for you.”
Her mom smiled. “It was at the time but it wasn’t entirely your father’s fault. He was caught completely off guard when he returned home only to discover that I’d moved his things out and he had to find another place to live. He begged me to tell him what was wrong, what he’d done wrong, how he could fix it. But the truth was, I didn’t even know myself. I just knew I was unhappy and that I no longer knew what I wanted from my marriage or my husband. If I didn’t know, how could he?”
“What did you do?”
“I refused to speak to him for a week. It wasn’t that I was angry. I just didn’t know what to say to him. I took that time to think about and articulate what it was I wanted to say to him. And during that time, I realized that it wasn’t him that I needed to change. It was me. I needed to find what was going to make me happy and he couldn’t do it for me.
“When I finally agreed to see him, the poor man looked like death warmed over. I felt so guilty for the way I’d made him suffer but I knew we’d never last if I couldn’t get myself together. I asked him for a period of separation. He was adamantly opposed. It wasn’t until I gently reminded him that I didn’t need his permission and that we were already separated that he backed off.”
Ashley frowned. “I always assumed…I mean I just thought that it was Daddy’s decision to move out. I always wondered if there was another woman.”
Her mom twisted her lips in a regretful frown. “Yes, it’s what Eric thought too, unfortunately. He was furious with your father. It wasn’t until I explained things to him that he calmed down. Then I think he was angry with me for making your father move out. Eric is very black-and-white.”
“Yes, I know,” Ashley said with a grimace. She took another sip of her tea and then looked back at her mom. “So what happened? What made you decide to let him move back in?”
Her mom sighed and a faraway look entered her eyes. “We were separated for six months and in a way, those six months were some of the best times of my life.”
Ashley’s eyes widened. “But Mama!”
“I know, I know, but listen to me. I didn’t say they were easy. They weren’t. But those six months outlined to me in clear detail what I wanted my life to be. And who I wanted to spend it with. I had opportunities. There were plenty of men who flirted with me and would have jumped at the opportunity to date or have an affair.”
Ashley’s mouth dropped open and her mother smiled at her reaction. “Darling, you don’t think the need for sex goes away when you hit thirty, do you?”
“Oh, my God,” Ashley muttered. “I’m so not hearing my mother talk about all the hot guys she had a chance with while she was separated from my father.”
“I had opportunity, yes, but I couldn’t do it,” her mom said.
“Because you loved Daddy?”
“Because it would have been dishonorable. Your father didn’t deserve it. Because I honestly didn’t want to be with anyone other than him. And I realized that I’d been blaming him for my own unhappiness. It was easy to say he’d been neglecting me or that he spent too much time at work. But the truth was, after you children grew up and left the nest, I simply didn’t know what it was I wanted to do next. And I took out my frustrations on the closest available target because I didn’t want to take responsibility for my own failures and feelings of inadequacy.”
“Wow, I never realized…”