for me. They aren’t worth your tears. I don’t regret what I’ve done. I only regret that I allowed them to hurt you and that I never saw what they were doing to you.”
“But you wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for me,” she said painfully. “They’re your family, Ryan. Maybe you’re angry with them now, but what about a year from now? Or five years from now? At what point will you resent me for being the wedge between you?”
“You aren’t responsible for their actions,” he said fiercely. “You didn’t do this. They did. No one else. I hate them for what they did. They are beyond despicable. They don’t deserve your consideration. They don’t deserve mine. I never want our child exposed to that kind of poison. It was my decision, Kelly. Do you honestly think I would allow them in any part of our lives after what they did to you?”
Tears slid down her cheeks. This hadn’t been her goal. No matter how much she wanted to never be around them again, the last thing she wanted was to cause Ryan pain.
“Let’s not talk about them,” he said quietly. “They’re no longer an issue. What I want to talk about is us. Can you ever forgive me, Kell? Can you possibly love me again?”
He rose from his perch beside her and went down the two steps to the beach below her. Then he slowly slid to his knees in front of her and reached for her hands.
“You once got on your knees and begged me to believe you. You begged me not to turn my back on you. It’s my turn to beg, Kelly. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me. But I’m begging all the same. I love you. I want us to have a life together. Here. On the island. Away from all the unhappiness of the past.”
“You want us to stay here?” she whispered.
He nodded even as his hands trembled around hers. “I bought the house. I have the hospital on standby. I’ve made sure that our child will have the best possible care. I want us to start over, really start over this time. I’m begging you for that chance. Give me the chance to make you love me again.”
Her heart twisted and the mind-numbing grief that had sweltered so long in her soul silently slipped away, leaving renewed hope—and love—shining in its stead. This time she didn’t try to squash the hope. She let it fly.
She reached for him, framing his face, stunned to feel the shock of tears on his cheeks. His eyes were tormented and there was desperation—fear—in his gaze, but there was also answering hope.
“I love you so very much,” she said brokenly. “I’ve spent so long being angry, telling myself I hate you. The anger took over until I was miserable with it. It’s been a constant weight pressing down on me. It’s poison and I can’t live this way anymore. I don’t want to live this way anymore.”
He closed his eyes and when he reopened them there was such relief and such vulnerability that she knew without a doubt that she’d made the right choice.
“If you can forgive all the hurtful, hateful things I’ve said to you then I can forgive you for not trusting me.”
“Oh, God, Kell,” he said in a wretched, pained voice. “I deserved everything you’ve said and more. What I did to you was unforgivable. How can you forgive me when I can’t forgive myself?”
She leaned forward and kissed him, still holding his face in her hands. She stroked her hands through his hair and then over his cheeks again, smiling a tender smile all the while.
“We make quite a pair, don’t we? We’ve made mistakes. But I like to think that we haven’t given up. And that maybe we’re stronger for it all. It makes me hurt that you’ve given up so much for me. Your family. Your friends. The city you grew up in. And you gave it up, bought a beautiful house you knew I’d love all because you loved me. If I don’t forgive you then I’m denying myself that love and I don’t want to live without you, Ryan. Or your love. Not anymore. The last months have been the worst of my life. I don’t ever want to relive that kind of agony again.”
He pulled her into his arms, leaning forward so they didn’t tumble into the sand. He held her so tightly she couldn’t breathe, but she didn’t care. They were together. Finally. Without all the hurt and pain of the past. Without reservations or barriers.
As soon as she’d told him she loved him and that she forgave him it was like the weight of the world had been lifted. She felt lighter and freer than she’d ever felt. She felt…happy. Joyously, giddily happy.
“I love you so damn much, Kell,” he said hoarsely. “I’ve always loved you. I never stopped loving you. I went to bed at night thinking about you, worrying and wondering where you were, if you were happy, if you were all right. I made all sorts of excuses for hiring someone to find you but the truth was that I couldn’t live without you.”
She smiled and leaned her forehead against his. “Do you think maybe we can stop beating ourselves up over things we can’t change and make a pact to love each other for the rest of our lives and be happy for every day of them?”
He slid his hands over her arms, up to her neck to cup her face again. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I can do that.”
He pulled away, smiling, his eyes raw with emotion. “Marry me, Kell. Right away. I don’t want to wait even a day. Marry me here on our beach. Just you and me and our baby.”
“Our beach,” she said softly. “I love the sound of that. And yes, I’ll marry you. Today, tomorrow, forever.”
For the longest time they sat there on the steps leading to their beach. A beach where they’d raise their children. Where they’d laugh and love and remember how they’d pledged their love and made vows to stay together through all the trials that life threw at them.
They sat until the sun sank below the horizon and the soft colors of dusk settled over the ocean. And then when the moon rose and spilled silver over the water, Ryan carried Kelly down to the beach and they danced to the soft melody of the rolling waves.