we feel.”
“How do you feel, Ryan? Do you really want this?”
“Yeah, I do, Kell. I want it so damn much that the thought of you walking away has my gut in knots.”
Her eyes widened. “But I never walked away from you.”
He blew out his breath. “Let’s not talk about that, okay? Whatever happened in the past, the point is, I don’t want you to walk away now. I can’t stand the thought of it.”
“Okay,” she said so quietly he almost didn’t hear.
He reached out and nudged her chin up. “Okay?”
“I want to stay. I have no idea how we’ll work all this out, but I want to try.”
Satisfaction ripped through him, so savage that for a moment he couldn’t breathe. He had to temper his reaction because he wanted nothing more than to grab her, haul her into his arms and hold her so damn tight that she could never escape.
“We’ll do more than try,” he vowed. “We’re going to fix this, Kell. We’re going to make it work this time.”
Eleven
“She doesn’t give up, does she?” Kelly murmured as she watched Roberta approach their table, a determined expression on her face.
Ryan looked up and to his credit heaved a sigh and appeared to be extremely irritated with the impending interruption. After a morning and most of the afternoon in bed, they’d ventured out for dinner and now here was Roberta, circling like a hawk.
And it wasn’t that Kelly was jealous. Honestly, Roberta wasn’t Ryan’s type, though she supposed his type could have changed after he’d broken their engagement.
What bothered her was the seemingly public knowledge of their relationship. It just proved Kelly’s assertion that his family and friends alike loathed her. Something Ryan was finally coming to accept. But acceptance didn’t make anything easier.
While love was supposed to be “everything,” she wasn’t naive enough to think that relatives hating you didn’t put an unbearable strain on a relationship. Who could be happy when, at every turn, your lover’s family did everything they could to make their disapproval known?
Maybe they’d both been too naive the first time. Maybe now they could be stronger together. But then what would happen if and when Ryan finally knew the truth about Jarrod? And his mother’s part in the whole affair?
Once again, Kelly would be the wedge between him and his family. Their relationship might not survive a second time.
Roberta stopped at the table and bent to kiss Ryan on either cheek, but when he turned away, she caught him full on the lips, leaving a smear of lipstick.
Kelly sighed and sat back, resigned to another uncomfortable scene.
Ryan looked…pissed.
“Roberta, what the hell?”
He didn’t even try to be polite this time.
“Oh, I just came around to say goodbye. My flight leaves in the morning and I hoped we could set up a time to get together when you return to New York. Your mother would like us all to have dinner.”
She flicked a sideways look of disdain—and challenge—in Kelly’s direction, but Kelly purposely yawned and sent a bored look in return.
Roberta frowned but turned eagerly back to Ryan. “Shall we say this weekend perhaps? I’m sure Kelly wouldn’t mind. After all, you and I are old friends.”
“I mind,” Ryan said in a clipped voice. “Now if that’s all, we’d appreciate being left to our meal.”
“I’ll call you,” Roberta murmured. “We’ll talk…later.” The inference being they’d talk when Kelly wasn’t around. Was the woman stupid?
It was tempting to put her firmly in her place, but frankly it would take too much effort and Kelly was quite content to remain in her seat and watch Roberta stew in her own ignorance.
Roberta touched Ryan’s face in a gesture that repulsed Kelly then slid one long nail down his jaw before fluttering her fingers at him as she walked away.
Ryan turned, his lips tight. “God, I’m sorry, Kell. You have to know I haven’t encouraged her.”
Kelly smiled and handed him a napkin to wipe the lipstick off his mouth. “Yeah, I figured that much out. She’s…she’s interesting. And awfully dense. You were pretty blatant with the brush-off. It makes me wonder what your mother promised her.”
Ryan frowned as he swiped at his lips. He pulled the napkin away, frowning even harder at the red smear on the material. Then he reached across the table and took her hand. “Let’s not let her ruin what has otherwise been a spectacular day.”
Kelly rolled her eyes. “You’re just saying that because of the sex. Give a man sex and it’s the most amazing day ever.”
He grinned. “Well, there is that, but it’s not just sex with you, Kell. It’s…more.”
She flushed in pleasure at the sincerity in his voice. He made her believe all sorts of crazy things, like they could actually work through the serious issues facing them.
“So what do you want to do after dinner?” she asked lightly.
“How about another walk on the beach? Maybe we’ll stop in the cabana down the way for some dancing.”
“I liked how we danced last night,” she said in a dreamy voice. “Just you and me. No one else around. It was an amazing night.”
He studied her for a long moment, his fingers idly caressing hers. “Yeah, it was.” He lifted her hand and brought it to his mouth where he proceeded to kiss each fingertip before turning her hand over and nuzzling into her palm. “I thought maybe tomorrow we could get out and see some of the sights as long as you’re feeling up to it. I don’t want you walking, but I’ve arranged for a convertible so we can drive where we like. Top down, wind-in-our-hair sort of thing.”
“It sounds fun.” And it had been a long time since she’d simply had fun. She smiled, feeling her chest grow lighter with each passing second.
Impulsively she squeezed his hand.
“I love that you’re smiling again,” he said. “You’re beautiful when you smile. I want you to be happy, Kell. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”
With that statement, she felt some of her hurt and anger recede. For the first time she began to believe that maybe they could get beyond the past and forge ahead.
He seemed so sincere. Whatever he thought of her in the past, he seemed willing to push aside those feelings and start over. Why would he go to such lengths if he didn’t care about her?
“I want this to work,” she said earnestly. And for the first time she really believed wholeheartedly that she did. That they could find their way back to each other seemed an impossible dream. It would take forgiveness and sacrifice, but she wanted it more than anything.
“Let me see your feet,” Ryan said as he lowered himself onto the couch next to her.
He reached down, took her feet and maneuvered them until they rested on his lap. He examined them with the precision of a physician, testing for swelling. Then he settled into a gentle massage until she all but wilted in pleasure.
“They’re looking better. The swelling’s down quite a bit.” He paused for a moment, his hands still moving over her arches, and stared at her. “You look better, Kell.”
“Thanks. I think,” she said in amusement.
His expression grew serious. “You looked tired and worn down when I found you in Houston.”
“I was,” she admitted. “But I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Yet another thing that’s off-limits?”
She shrugged. “Nothing good can come of it.”
“I worried I kept you on your feet too much this evening,” he said as he continued to rub. “But I enjoyed dancing with you on the beach. It was an excuse to hold you.”
She smiled and leaned back, allowing the pleasure of his touch to wash through her body. “I feel fine. Really. Not so tired anymore. I have more energy now than I’ve had since early in my pregnancy. Being on my feet all the time eventually wore me down.”
He went silent and he looked brooding, his expression intense. He massa
ged her soles and then worked up to her toes.
He seemed to battle whether or not he wanted to speak, but finally he locked his gaze with hers and said, “Why didn’t you cash the check, Kelly? I gave it to you so you’d be provided for. No matter what you did, how angry I was or how things were between us, I intended you to be cared for. Do you have any idea what it did to me to find you working in that god-awful place and living in a dive, barely making it? Hell, you didn’t even have food in your apartment.”
“I ate at the diner,” she said.
He made a sound of exasperation. “Like that’s supposed to make me feel any better? Why didn’t you use the money? You could have finished college. You could have lived for a long time to come without ever having to work.”
“I have pride. It took a beating but it’s still intact. I guess if I hadn’t been able to find a job and the choice was between starving or taking money that made me feel dirty, I would have sucked it up and done it anyway.”
“Did you hate me so much?” he asked hoarsely. “That you would rather work in such deplorable conditions than accept anything from me?”
She leveled a stare at him. “Don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answers to.”
He closed his eyes. “That’s answer enough, I suppose.”
She shrugged. “You hated me, too.”
He shook his head and her eyes widened. “No? Ryan, you said and did some terrible things. Not the least of which was tossing that check at me with so much disdain that I can still remember the way I felt.”
“What did you expect?” he asked. “For God’s sake, Kelly, I’d just found out you slept with my brother. You had my ring on your finger, we were planning our wedding and you slept with my brother.”
“And of course he’s blameless in the whole thing,” she said scornfully. “Tell me, Ryan, how long did it take you to forgive him? How long before he was coming back over and you were having family dinners at your mother’s?”
His face flushed a dull red and then he dragged a hand raggedly through his hair. “It took a while, all right? I was furious with him—and you. I had to decide whether to allow what happened to ruin our relationship. He’s family. He’s my brother.”
She leaned forward, forgetting their vow not to dredge up the past. “And I was the woman you were supposed to marry, Ryan. Didn’t I deserve anything from you? Besides a payoff and a get-the-hell-out-of-my-life?”
“I’m here now,” he said quietly. “I was angry. I had a right to be. I won’t apologize for that. But I’m here now and I want us to try again. We both made mistakes.”