I punched out some shitty kids and I jerked off thinking about the girl they wanted to attack. I drank her weight in whiskey and wine, and ate a steak that cost more than her whole meal allowance for the month at the campus dining hall…but I know that the winds of change are all there is to see now.
I’m losing my shit. Even if I wait to see her until our next class, I’m going to lose my mind.
Spearing another green bean on my fork, I know something. It comes across my thoughts swiftly, but I know it sure as I know my own name.
I could leave her alone. I likely should leave Emmaline alone. I'm more willing to leave her alone than I am to go after her the way that I want to. I can shove down all these feelings, and jerk my cock off until I rip it off, but I’m not going to be the one that pursues her.
I don’t know that I’m strong enough to resist Emmaline should she put a move on me, but that’s another problem for another moment.
I wash my dishes, clean up the kitchen, and head off to bed with The Mary Shelley Reader. She’s the only lady I take to bed in my home…and no matter how much I want to change that, I’m going to be good.
Well, as good as I’ve ever been.
I know she’s not mine, but I’d rather be without Emmaline than hurt her.
Emmaline
I’m holding my paper for Ethan’s class in my hand like I’m holding a gift or something. I realize how fervently I’m clutching and smooth it out, loosen my grip, and walk into the classroom. I’m early — but so are a gaggle of leggy girls wearing the shortest things that can still be called shorts.
When I realize they are talking about Ethan, even though I want to hide in their presence, I listen in to hear what they're going to say about him.
I don’t catch much, something rumor-iffic was underway but oh well.
Everyone else starts shuffling into class and I realize that I’m not going to catch up with Ethan before class. Everyone is afraid to be late to his class.
“Hand in your assignments, and today’s lecture on voice in academic writing, and other writing, and we'll begin,” Ethan says.
I want to hide behind someone today like I did last class, but I can’t help peaking out from behind them to look at Ethan during the lecture. His sensual voice makes my nipples so hard they are practically blasting through my shirt and the hoodie I’m wearing. I wore something because I like to be able to shove a pen in the hoodie pocket for when the pen I’m using just up and dies during a lecture. I’m furiously taking notes, trying extra hard to pay attention.
“When you’re in that position,” Ethan says and clears his throat. I look up at him for that pause and catch him looking at me. I wait several seconds before slinking back, and I don’t hear a word he says!
I'm instead thinking about the positions I’d like to be in with him. Fuck, why is Ethan so sexy? I feel like my heart is going to stop beating. I missed the last sentence of what he said, and while I don’t want to take too detailed of notes and go into total overkill mode, I would like to maintain the context of the lecture.
Looking around, people are looking terrified or aroused. I must be silly and imagining that Ethan has ever showed any attraction to me. Not when so many people fawn over him. Is it my imagination that thinks he also enjoys the fear? The control?
Why does that turn me on so much?
My pen is in my mouth and I’m imagining Ethan telling me to take off my thong. I’m sitting here in a hoodie and I almost suck on the tip of my pen, imagining one of Ethan’s fingers in my mouth.
God, I have never been so attracted to someone. When Ethan starts listing off readings, I create little checkboxes for each and list them in my notes.
I’ve considered backing up my note taking with an audio recorder before, and I might need one for this class.
I can listen to the tape and make my notes more accurate. And then I can listen to them again and shove my hand down my pants like I wish I could now. I swear my clit is telling me to rub it. I generally don’t get much pleasure out of masturbating without my vibrator. Things feel good, when I touch myself, but I can’t make myself cum without the vibrator. I bite my lip now and listen to Ethan’s voice and I’m squirming in my seat. He gives so much homework, and even that turns me on! He appeals to my nerd side in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I think I might faint.
I look around again. No way anyone can actually smell how aroused I am? I think I can and I’m embarrassed. I feel like my pussy is wet enough to make my light pink sweatpants damp, and that’s just too embarrassing. I may die on the spot. I have to talk to Ethan after class, and not about my soaking wet pussy. I don’t see Aiden in the classroom today. Campus police hasn’t contacted me.
A line forms and plenty of people seem to want to ask Ethan questions. I wait, seeing how they fawn over him. He brushes them off, but Ethan keeps looking at me.
I think this is exactly what Delia would call eye-fucking. The intense look Ethan gives me, the air around us seems to literally heat up. His breath is caught in his chest, Ethan’s face goes still, his eyes narrow slightly, his head cocked a little to the side. How can so much intensity meet me, and then dissipate while he answers inane questions?
I keep waiting, wondering how the hell I’m going to make it out of here with the way he’s looking at me. My nipples are showing through a bra, a shirt, and a hoodie, for fuck’s sake. I had covered them up with my notebook, but when he looked at me the first time, I slid the notebook down. I wanted him to see my nipples and I'm betting that even at this distance he can. The line gets shorter and his looks get longer.
Maybe he really can’t wait to talk to me, as much as I want to talk to him? The thought is fi
re to my body, sin against my skin.
When it's finally just the two of us in the room, I take a second to try and breathe. The space between us closes to just within arm’s reach, and that realization almost makes me forget what I was coming to talk to him about.