She comes to me and rubs her hands up and down my upper arms. “Are you okay? How are you doing? Hanging in there?” She looks truly concerned.
“Maya,” I begin, then sigh and shrug. “I don’t know if I can keep this up. I’m having serious doubts.”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Doubts about what? The show?”
I look around, feeling helpless. “Everything. It’s so much harder than I thought it would be. What happened on the plane today…that was insane. I never expected that. It’s like being in this house is making us all act crazy.”
Maya purses her lips, and I know what she’s thinking. That’s kind of the point.
“Look,” she says, slinging an arm around my shoulders and squeezing, “you need to make sure that this isn’t just the lust getting the better of you. Yesterday was pretty nuts, too. I mean, two super-romantic dates with two sexy billionaires, both of who you experienced things with that you probably haven’t before. It’s bound to do a number on you.”
Is that what it is? I’m not sure. I think it’s more. That my developing feelings for Tristan and Madden, feelings that feel pretty fucking real in spite of this being an orchestrated reality show, are a bigger part of the problem. I think I’m really doubting that I’m going to get out of this without losing something. Like my heart. That is so not part of the plan.
Apartment? Yes.
Prize money? Yes.
Love? Hell no.
“Listen,” Maya continues, her voice going even lower, “I want to see you win. And it’s not just me, either. The whole world wants to see you win, Megan. The ratings are climbing with every episode that airs.”
Great. Now even more people will get to see how crazy this thing is.
Maya looks me in the eye. “Don’t forget, this is a game. That’s all it is, Megan. A game. With a life-changing prize waiting for you at the end if you can just get through the next few days. And also, don’t forget, you aren’t the only one playing this game. Madden and Tristan are playing, too.”
I nod, ready to be alone again, but even after she leaves, her words echo in my head.
Madden and Tristan are playing.
What does that mean? Are they playing me? I thought so at first. And maybe that’s why I’m really upset now. Because the things they said sounded an awful lot like I was just some thing. A prize. Not an actual person they care about. And that’s a problem because I do care about them.
But that doesn’t feel right, either. Could they really have both faked everything yesterday so well? My gut says no.
So what are they playing then? Why did they do that? Is it because they actually do care and are each trying anything they can to get me to choose one over the other?
If so, it doesn’t really help. Because I don’t want to choose. Some part of me wishes—as impossible as it is—that I could have them both.
But that’s ridiculous. I just have to remember what Maya said. It’s all just a game. Too bad my heart is telling me differently.
22
Madden
Shit, I feel like such an asshole. I was an asshole.
I can’t believe I let Tristan get under my skin like that. Even worse, I feel terrible that I upset Megan.
The way she looked at me on the plane, like I’d plunged a knife in her chest or something, makes me feel sick.
I drag a hand through my hair. I’m not sure when it started, but I don’t think I can deny it any longer. I’m starting to care about Megan. As in real feelings.
Never saw that one coming.
I think back to the beginning of this competition, when she first caught my eye. I knew then that she caught Tristan’s eye too. I figured I set my sights on her because I can’t resist competing with him in anything and everything.
But now I think it’s more than that. I think I saw from the beginning that she was different. And now that I’ve spent more time with her, I know it’s true. She’s amazing.
I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work with this show, though. My job here is to knock out as many virgins as possible, something I didn’t have the least problem with. I mean, they flocked to me. It was too easy.