Yes, I’m better than Lance too. Sure, he’s got that body. He’s got a good heart. Bless him, he is a good person, I don’t deny that. He even has the killer instinct. No one else would be able to turn that press conference around if they didn’t. But he could be so much more. Instead he chooses to waste it all by thinking with the wrong head. He falls in love. Love is for suckers.
I’m going to leave you with that for now because I think you’re not being completely receptive to what I have to say. Figures. You probably want Lance and Jocelyn to end up together, don’t you? They’re two stupid human beings and I have no time for anyone who doesn’t understand or see that.
I climb the steps to the podium as Lance looks at me. He’s wondering what I’m up to. Well, he’s about to find out how a real master handles this. I don’t even bother looking at Jocelyn. She’s probably staring at me with those cow-like eyes of hers, wondering what’s going on. Honestly, I can’t believe I had to spend as many months as I did tolerating her. Her constant need for affection. Her constant attitude of needing love. It’s sickening.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” I say into the microphone, giving the press a wide smile. “You’ve certainly had a roller coaster of a day today, haven’t you?”
There’s isolated pockets of laughter. That’s how you need to do it. Lance and Jocelyn, in their typical fashion, just bungled the whole thing.
But then again, they were never supposed to get this far. Not with those questions I had planted about Jocelyn’s relationship to Lance and about cheating.
That’s right. I planned it. I sabotaged them. I wanted them to fail.
Why?
Just pay attention and find out.
“Everything you’ve heard today has been true. My stepson has carried on a relationship with Jocelyn Carter, and she is pregnant by him,” I say. Cameras flash. I’m used to it and I continue. “I can honestly say that the two of them deserve each other. They’re perfect for each other.”
There are a few people in the crowd who smile. They don’t realize I’m speaking out of contempt.
“But Jocelyn hasn’t cheated on me, folks,” I say to the audience, drawing them in. “And Lance hasn’t betrayed me. And I’ll tell you why I can say that.”
Now they’re hooked. I have them right where I want them.
“It’s because,” I say as I reach into my coat pocket and pull out an envelope. “This marriage was never formally signed off on.”
There are murmurs. Apparently the press is clu
eless about marriages lasting less than a year in New York State. Let me break it down for them.
“In the State of New York, both parties upon entering a marriage sign a marriage certificate with the magistrate who performs that marriage,” I begin and people begin nodding. “I never gave the certificate to Jocelyn to sign.”
Now there’s a hushed whisper going through the group. They’re wondering why I would do something like this and which way this press conference is going.
“That’s because at the time, I wasn’t sure that marrying Jocelyn was the right course of action, folks,” I say to the crowd. “You see, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I wasn’t ready to tell everyone my secret either.”
Even the cameras stop. You could hear a pin drop if you listened hard enough.
“You see, Jocelyn and I never consummated our marriage because there was no way I was attracted to her. No way I was attracted to women in general when men were much more agreeable to me,” I say, bringing a mask of pained resolve to my face. These media sheep are eating this up. I’m going to control the narrative for the next two days if I play this right.
“All my life, I’ve struggled with this double life, being someone who my parents wanted me to be while inside I just wanted to let my true colors shine,” I say into the microphone. “But I’m here today to tell you, to tell the world, that I identify as homosexual. And if you’ll have me, I’d like to be the first openly gay mayor of New York City.”
That does it. Those cameras that were silent? They pop up and begin their flash. I smile in a bittersweet fashion. I practiced it this morning as I got ready for my arrival.
I had thought that I had scared Lance enough to stay away. That by the time I entered, Jocelyn would be floundering and would be looking like a mess. That I’d come in and save the day. And get back at her for all the time she’s wasted of mine in doing this. Couldn’t keep her damn legs closed, could she?
Yes, I was very surprised to see Lance. But I have a feeling I’ve saved him too.
“From this day forward, New York, I promise to be proud and open about who I am with not just my family, but to the entire city as well,” I say, raising my arms. People actually start to clap and cheer. Idiots.
I notice Lance clapping next to me as well and he takes a step closer.
Oh, he wants to play that game, does he?
“I know my secret may have caused a lot of hurt and pain to my immediate family, but I want to take this opportunity to let them know that it was their pain that I saw I was causing that finally prompted me to come out today. There was no way that I could let a good and decent and intelligent woman like Jocelyn Carter continue to believe that she was doing something wrong,” I say into the microphone. “She hasn’t cheated on me technically because she hasn’t broken any marriage vows. All she’s done is fallen in love with a much younger gentleman in my son. And I think after this long on the campaign trail, I can vouch for his character.”
The crowd is eating it up. Now is where I turn to Lance and take a step close to him. I wrap my arms around him and he pulls me close.