I stop as I hear his door open. This means that he’s listening to what I have to say.
“Dad was gay. I’m not an idiot. I knew,” Daniel whispers as he opens the door.
I want to ask how he knew, but I can’t say anything as he starts speaking and I want him to say more. I want to comfort him, but I can’t because I’ve started to talk and I need to get it all of my chest.
“That was just a part of it. We were brought together by our parents. We stayed together, because of you. I wanted you to have a mom and dad. I realize now that you had neither.”
“What do you mean?”
“Daniel, I was dead. I was living in a house, trying to please your dad sexually and even just as a wife. He had so many rules. I had to be like this. Dress like this,” I say as lift up my dress. The one that I kept and the rest I burned as I’ve been getting rid of everything in my closet. Any reminder of Tom.
“Anyway, I didn’t know how to be me. Until, I found out that your dad died of a heart attack after having sex with a male prostitute.”
Daniel chokes, “That’s disgusting. A married man. I used to respect him and think that he was some hot shot. Always wanting to please him to get his attention and the problem was I never did.”
I nod my head and think that for the first time in a long time, we’re both talking. Daniel heads to his bed and slumps down. He’s not talking, but at least he’s a lot calmer then he was a few minutes ago.
“I thought that he was a good father to you. That’s the reason I stayed, I realize now that I did it for my own selfish needs.” I start to cry as I think about all the mistakes that I’ve made in my life. I know one thing for sure, Jason’s not one of them.
He comforts me, by putting his arm around me.
“Mom, please don’t cry. I think I understand. I don’t hate you.”
I look up at him. “But I don’t want you to hate Tom either. Whatever he did, maybe he had reasons for them. Some that we don’t understand, but he’s not here to defend himself so we just have
to take what he did and move on from it. Do you understand?”
He ignores my question as he asks, “What about you and Jason? Is it love?”
I nod my head. “I’ve never felt more alive in my life.”
He rejects me like a jilted bride at the altar. I call after him, but this time he doesn’t just run down the stairs. He’s leaving the house and I’m going to follow him and do what we should have done a long time ago.
We’re going to have this all out tonight, one way or another, I’m not going got let him avoid this conversation. One that was overdue a long time ago.
Jason
I leave for college tomorrow, and so far everything’s a fucking disaster. Daniel’s either been staying at Ron’s, and he’s got Ron lying for him or even worse Bethany. No one’s seen him. Jennifer tried following him in her car and then she lost him, and she hasn’t seen him since.
As for Mom, you could cut the atmosphere in this house with a knife. I think that she’s been doing some extra shifts at the hospital because I never see her. Even when I try to call her, I’m lucky if she picks up.
As for Jennifer, I know that her focus is Daniel. I’m not worried about things going stale between us. That’s not possible; we just need time. Both of us. It’s only natural. I just wish that I didn’t have to go to college right now.
Today, I wasn’t leaving anything to chance, so I got up extra early to go for a run to clear my head. As soon as I open the door, Mom has her gear ready to go to work.
“Mom, I thought that we would talk. I sent you a message about it last night.”
She laughs. “If you want to talk then go and ask your wannabe mommy!”
Mom pushes past me and then starts heading up the drive to the car. I stand by the car preventing her from getting in. Fuck the neighbors, I’m going to college, and we need to figure this out before I leave.
“I leave for college tomorrow.” I sigh as I’m so damn hot and the last thing I wanted to do was have this conversation like this and most of all not for all to see. We’re adults; I just wish that Mom would behave like one. “I’m your only son. You can’t just shut me out like this.”
She laughs. “Really? Watch me!”
That’s when I see Daniel. Shit, he looks a mess, unshaven and I swear that he’s wearing the same clothes from when I last saw him.
“Every corner I turn you’re there,” Daniel blurts out as he approaches.