The painful thought that he must do this with lots of students does occur to me, but even if that’s true, he did only have eyes for me in class.
God, that probably makes me the dumbest girl in the world.
I whip out my phone. “Siri,” I groan to the phone even though I’m holding down the home button. Habit. I’m a stubborn, methodical person who does things the way they always do.
Well, until now!
“Text Delia,” I tell my phone.
“What would you to say to Delia?” my phone asks.
“Meet me at my dorm, or yours. Girl talk, stat,” I say and release my home button. Siri of course doesn’t pick up what I’m saying because I’m frustrated and that would've been too easy. I swipe her away and text Delia.
She messages back right away that she’s going to meet me in five. Guess she’s out of class already. Goodness, maybe it's good that Ethan seems to know my schedule, because I’m already forgetting Delia’s and maybe mine is next!
My brain feels like it is stuffed full of clouds. Or cotton candy.
Whatever they stuff your brains with when you become obsessed with your professor. It ain’t more brains, or sense…wow, I can’t even think of a smart thing to say now!
I shove my hands in pockets, walking quickly and avoiding people until I get to my room.
I don’t feel guilty or shameful about what I did, and that’s kind of the problem. Like, I want to be a rule following kind of girl, like I always have been.
But I also can’t imagine not giving my virginity to Ethan. I want him inside me — not just his fingers or his tongue. I’m more focused on that than anything. That’s going to ruin my sanity an
d my GPA!
Delia’s waiting at the door — when my roommate is back, she doesn’t just barge in. Lindsay is cool, but Lindsay isn’t her best friend. If Lindsay is in the room, then Delia and I can go for coffee. This is not the kind of conversation that I can do with company. What I find really strange is that I don’t seem to feel weird planning to discuss this with Delia. I mean, an affair with my teacher should be something I want to keep top secret, and she’s definitely the only person that I’m willing to tell, but I also don’t like keeping the secret.
And something that I probably should've thought about sooner — my mother — creeps into mine. The next time she calls me will probably be tomorrow, and that’s so not a conversation I could have with her. She can sniff anything out over the phone. We’re close. And I don’t normally hide things from her.
“Are you okay?” Delia says quietly when she sees me.
I appreciate her hushed tone. When I look at her, a big, stupid grin spreads over my face! “Yes, it isn’t bad. Well, it kind of is. But, like, if Lindsay is in the room we’ve got to go so like—“
“Slow down, Em, you’re gonna hyperventilate or something. Ya sound a little crazy. Wait,” Delia says and her eyes get so wide it's like they doubled. “Girl, did you meet a guy?”
“Yeah, and not just online or in class…” I say, crooking my head to the side as I open the door. Lindsay left a note on the board on the door, on the inside. ‘Library till 3, promise to be quiet.’
“Yay, privacy, now tell me why you’re talking in riddles,” Delia says, her eyes getting a mad glint in them that actually makes me giggle.
“I’m coming to you because I need advice, Delia, I did something crazy…with Ethan,” I say, and I stop to watch her face.
The light of recognition on her face mixes with confusion. “Wait, you bagged the hot teacher? Giiiiiiiiiirl!”
“Well, he … he fingered me in his office today, and went down on me,” I just spill the beans like that.
Delia’s face is priceless. “Goddamn girl he ate your pussy in his damn OFFICE!” she practically shouts the last part. “Shit, sorry, damn, oh my God,” Delia says. Her face is confused but she’s grinning. “Damn, I though I was the bad one. Good job girl. Good damn job. So did you see his cock? Is it huge, God I bet it's huge…”
Delia stops and looks at me.
I don’t know what the look on my face says, but my head is spinning. “I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to sleep with him so damn bad. I know it's against the university rules, but oh my God!” I make a frustrated sound. “What the hell am I supposed to do? I can’t focus on anything!”
“And you tried masturbating?” Delia says, her voice kind. She’s trying to help. She’s not making this a joke.
God, I love her and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
“That’s why I overslept and missed coffee the other day…I think that just leads to more obsession,” I admit.