And as I look at her, I realize that I’d forgotten about it all.
I’d forgotten her over the years.
I actually told myself to forget. Because I didn’t have the time to remember. I haven’t had the time to remember or feel anything or think about anything other than my siblings.
Again, for at least the last decade.
But here she is now.
All real and looking like she did before. When I knew her intimately.
I fist my hands in my pockets at the sudden tightness in my chest. At the sudden onslaught of pain in my shoulders. The pain that I surprisingly hadn’t felt in the past few minutes when it always stays with me.
When she finally gets all the things she’s carrying in order, she looks up and her eyes clash with mine.
The pain in my chest increases and I clench my jaw as I see a pleasant surprise color her features at the sight of me. When her lips stretch up in a small, familiar smile, I look away from her.
I shouldn’t have looked at her in the first place.
She’s my past and I don’t have the time or any inclination to look at my past. Besides, she’s not mine to look at anyway. She belongs to someone else.
So I should leave and get on with my day.
But this time when I go to turn around and leave, my eyes land on her, Bronwyn Littleton, the artist.
My sister’s best friend.
Who’s looking up at me with a frown, as if trying to figure me out.
I clench my jaw in irritation — I don’t need a teenager to figure me out — before finally turning around and leaving.
For my sister or not, I’m beginning to think that taking this job was the worst fucking idea of my life.
I’m standing in front of his office.
Ten minutes earlier than when he’d asked to see me today.
Just to make a good impression on him.
Because apparently, I have not.
Not earlier this morning when Callie introduced us in the courtyard, and definitely not yesterday on the soccer field. God, I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday.
I don’t think I was thinking anything other than how shocked I was to see him. To see the man I’ve been obsessed with for over a year, here, at St. Mary’s, as our soccer coach no less.
Also how… heartbroken.
Which is weird. Probably an overly emotional reaction on my part.
But I was that. I was heartbroken to realize that he didn’t remember me.
I still am a little bit.
To be fair though, from his perspective, nothing really did happen that night. I mean, yes he met a girl whom he walked home because he thought it wasn’t safe. And yes, he talked to that girl out of the goodness of his heart and listened to her story before giving her some great advice.
But maybe he does that to everyone.
Maybe he helps every girl he meets on the side of the road.
And why wouldn’t he?
He’s a big brother, a natural protector. He’s got three younger brothers. Not to mention a sister.
Whom he loves to pieces.
And who also happens to be my very, very best friend.
That’s the second reason I need to make a good impression and put what happened yesterday behind us. Actually, I need to put this whole Mystery Man thing behind me.
Because something occurred to me last night that I’d completely forgotten about: Callie knows.
She knows everything there is to know about that summer night.
I told her a couple of months after I’d come to St. Mary’s. We’d always stay up late into the night, talking and whispering to each other, and on one such night, I told her the story of how I came to be here. She knows that I met a man who changed my life. She knows that I’ve been thinking about him, wondering about him. In fact she’s been an active participant in all those wonderings. She’s spent hours talking about him with me.
Although she calls him my Dream Man.
I’m not sure how she’s going to react if I tell her that hey, I finally know who he is and funny thing, you know him too.
I mean, she’ll be surprised. That’s a given.
But I’m not sure if it will be a good surprise or not. Maybe she’ll be unsettled by this revelation. Maybe she’ll hate the fact that the man I’ve been so obsessed with — the man that she’s been obsessed with too, for me — is her older brother.
Or maybe it won’t matter to her at all.
I’m not willing to find out though.
I’m not willing to risk losing her friendship or making her upset when she already has so many other things to worry about. Like her pregnancy and morning sickness, and her relationship with Reed.
Especially when her brother doesn’t even remember me.
So yes, I’m going to put this behind me and get back to being a good girl who never argues with teachers or students alike.