I was all alone, so young and scared, and I’m ashamed to say, easily swayed by his money. For a while it was enough, but then I met your father and discovered the real love of my life. Faced with a choice, I followed my heart…I left them.
Followed her heart or the larger bank account? He wanted to rip the paper to shreds, but took a deep breath and read on.
You were born shortly after and for the love of your father, I never contacted them again. Your father was a jealous man, I’m sure you remember, with very skewed views on love, I now realize. He wouldn’t have understood that he and you weren’t enough for me. At the time, I couldn’t risk losing him, even though I loved the son I left behind.
Joel snorted. Yeah, right.
It was only after your father passed that I realized what a selfish coward I’d been. That I am. I could’ve contacted Joel, but he’d have been in his twenties, and I was scared he’d hate me, scared he’d tell me what an awful person I am for what I did. I couldn’t face him. Even now I want to write to him, apologize for the pain he must’ve felt when I abandoned him, but it wouldn’t be right for me to seek his forgiveness when my writing to him will be like a ghost from the grave. I have no right to his understanding.
Amazing how right she was about that one thing.
I tell you this now because Joel is the only family you have left besides Robert and Noah, and you may choose to contact him someday. His father was a good man, and I’m confident Joel would’ve been raised to be one as well. I’m sorry you had to find out this way and that you now know the complete truth about what an awful mother I am. Learn from my mistakes, and I pray you can leave this world with so many fewer regrets than I.
I will love you and your brothers forever.
Mom
How dare she claim to have loved him! He couldn’t imagine leaving his sons. It would be like tearing out his heart. His hand clenched into a fist, crumpling the letter before he realized what he’d done.
Smoothing it back out, he reread it twice more, then looked toward the house. But he couldn’t go back inside just yet. He strode to the barn and saddled his gelding, Nobel. After leaving a note for Britt, he rode out, pushing Nobel as if a demon chased them. Coming to his senses a short while later, he slowed the gelding in the lengthening shadows of sunset.
Britt was in the barn when he returned. He felt her concerned gaze as he brushed his horse, and when he turned, her expressive green eyes asked a silent question.
“I’m okay,” he said with a nod.
She came closer, and he handed her the letter. She hesitated, but he insisted she read it. Pain for him showed on her face, and he dropped the brush he’d been using on Nobel’s shiny coat.
“Come here,” he urged. She stepped into his arms, and he cupped her cheeks to kiss her. Then he leaned his forehead against hers and said softly, “She hoped Kendra would learn from her mistakes. Well, I’m learning, too. I don’t want to resent Kendra and Noah for having the mother I couldn’t have—it wasn’t their fault. Neither do I want to waste any more time and energy hating her for what she did. The longer it takes me to forgive her takes away from you, and Cody and Dustin.” Tears shimmered in his wife’s eyes, and he kissed her again. “I love you, Brittany.”
“I love you, too.”
“Amazing how quick life can change.” Folding her against his chest, he said, “She looks exactly like Vivian. For a moment this morning, I thought it was her.”
“You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”
“Yeah.” He sighed thoughtfully. “I have a sister and a brother.” With a soft laugh, he added, “Saying it out loud doesn’t make it seem any less surreal.”
After a moment, Britt asked hesitantly, “Maybe two brothers?”
Joel pulled back. “You caught that, too? She hasn’t mentioned this Robert at all yet, and she lied about being experienced with horses.”
“I guessed as much,” Britt agreed. “She didn’t touch any of them in the barn.”
“My gut tells me something’s off, for them to show up asking for help like this. Tomorrow I’ll make a few calls and see what I can confirm about what she’s told us.”
“I agree you should check her story, but be careful about it, okay?”
“Why?”
Britt leaned back to look up at him. “It took her two years to contact you, Joel. What happens if she finds out you’re digging into her life behind her back? All I’m saying is don’t scare her away when she’s just arrived.”
“I can be discreet. I’ll make sure no one knows who’s asking or why. I really just want confirmation that she and Noah are who she says they are.”
“Fair enough. And in the meantime?” Britt asked. “You sure you still want her to work here on the ranch, with the horses?”
“Yeah, I do.” He gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed the top of her head. “I’m not worried about that—we’ll deal with it.”
“You mean Colton will.”