I stepped past Rebecca and into the giant living room with the floor-to-ceiling windows facing the lake. The sun was shining down on the water, making it sparkle and seem alive somehow – it was a beautiful sight. It was also one of the main selling points of our home. I stood there for a moment, looking out at the lake and the furniture that Rebecca had chosen for the home, and didn't even feel like I was in my home anymore. I felt like I was standing in an alien world. A place I didn't belong.
I walked upstairs and into the master bedroom with Rebecca right on my heela.
“I was hoping we could talk, Evan?” she said. “Maybe try counseling?”
“Counseling?” I asked, stepping into the walk-in closet.
Most of the closet was filled with Rebecca's stuff that she'd thrown around. It was messy. Disorganized. Chaotic. A lot like her, actually. I had one little rack and shelf for my things, that was kept tidy and neat. Most of my stuff was already over at my parent's guest house anyway, but I grabbed what was left in the closet and tossed it into a suitcase that I pulled from the top shelf.
“Yeah, couple's counseling. What do you think?” Rebecca asked, standing in the doorway of the closet. “To try and work things out. Give you and me another try? A fresh start and all.”
I laughed. “There is no you and me anymore, Rebecca,” I said. “There never was. Not really. It was you, me, and every man in Castle Creek and the surrounding towns. I was just too stupid to realize it.”
“Evan, it's not like that,” she said
She walked toward me, her pretty eyes were filled with unshed tears. She knew I had a hard time resisting tears. When a woman cried, it never failed to pull at my heartstrings and made me make stupid decisions.
“I screwed up. I have a problem, but I'm willing to work on it,” she said. “I'm seeing a therapist once a week already, and we can do couple's therapy every other week.”
Despite her tears and the pleading in her voice, I knew I needed to remain strong. I needed to stiffen the upper lip and not let her get under my skin. I wasn't the one in the wrong here and I didn't need to be made to feel like I was. I moved past her and exited the closet with the suitcase in hand. I took one last look at our beautiful master bedroom – with the lavender-colored walls since Rebecca's favorite color was purple – and shook my head. The white and purple curtains blocked out most of the view for now, but I knew once they were pulled back, you'd see the lake down below.
Our king-sized bed was situated so you could see the view perfectly when the curtains were drawn. There had been many, many mornings were spent in that bed with its incredible view, snuggling and making love with the woman who filled my heart so thoroughly.
Boy, had I been a fucking idiot.
“I'm happy you're getting help,” I said.
Rebecca's face lit up, and a flicker of hope sprang to life in her eyes.
“But I'm not interested in fixing things,” I said. “I'm done, Rebecca.”
“I don't believe that, Evan,” she said. “I can see it in your face.”
She had me there. I didn't fully believe it either, which was obviously a problem. But, there were some days, I actually meant it. Other days, I wanted nothing more than to go back and be with her, allowing myself to remain oblivious to what she was doing in her spare time.
It wasn't that easy though. The curtains of our relationship had been drawn back, but the view wasn't anywhere near as lovely as it was from our bedroom. I would never be able to forget what she'd done, nor could I trust her. She was manipulative and a liar. I had to keep reminding myself of that, because I unfortunately had to face facts – she was damn good at it.
If there's one thing I'd learned, you can't really have a successful or sustainable relationship with somebody who was a professional liar. It just wouldn't work. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
I left the bedroom, and Rebecca followed me down the stairs.
“Evan, I know you still love me,” she said.
“I love the thought of you. The idea of what we had,” I said. “Not you, Rebecca. I don't even know the real you.”
I reached the bottom of the stairs and headed for the door, but Rebecca managed to push her way in front of me and threw herself in front of the door, blocking my way. Tears stained her cheeks, her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked absolutely stricken. As foolish as I knew it was, it broke my heart to see the woman I had once loved hurting.
“Please, baby, just give me another shot. Give us another shot,” she begged. She sounded so sincere. “I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I know I did. But you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I can't just let you walk away from me. I can't, Evan.”
I knew I had to be strong. Earlier, at the cafe, I'd been caught off guard and had let old emotions and the baggage I still carried, cloud my judgment. I let my memories of us get in the way of remembering who she really was. As I looked at her standing before me, tears running down her soft, smooth cheeks, I felt it happening all over again. I found it difficult to tell her no as she sobbed in front of me, her mascara running down her cheeks, and her voice cracking.
She knew it was a weakness of mine. I couldn't handle it when she cried. It was a weakness of mine she'd exploited more times than I could count. I wouldn't let her do it to me again.
“We'll talk later, Rebecca,” I sighed. “I have to go for now.”
“So you'll consider it, Evan?” she asked.